The Maturity Index: Oh, so the Super Bowl is on?

We had high hopes for old age last weekend, as Guggenheim parties and parties with people wearing masks were involved. However we know that Super Bowl Sunday is a bigger holiday for most than Easter Sunday, and here's how it went down:

Friday:

-Paige is grumpy and lame after an exhausting work week and decides to stay in- Age 34

-She and her boyfriend rent "I Love You, Man" and she laughs hysterically the entire time, Jason Segal elevating her from her
grump- Age 15

-Holly and Kristy head to the last of the First Friday's at the Guggenheim to listen to DJ Chromeo while looking at Chagall- Age 30

-Holly excitedly finds a 24 oz Bud Light Lime that is classily sipped with a straw while riding train to Upper East Side- Age 20

-Holly and Kristy wait in unimaginably large line amongst a sea of hip but no hipsters wearing non-PETA friendly outerwear- Age 29

-Holly is freezing and so girls say goodbye to a younger Joan Rivers that became their "friend"-Age 12

-Holly goes to the Levy and is sure to get "training wheels" (lime and salt of course) with her $5 beer/tequila deal- Age 21

-Eats free Twizzlers while laughing/encouraging drunk man wearing a scarf as a turban dance to Motown- Age 8

Saturday:

-Snowday/Freezing Day-
-Paige wakes up early, "runs errands" like buying vitamins, going to the grocery store, and browsing Sephora- Age 37

-Paige goes back to Brooklyn, bakes cake for her boyfriends birthday- Age 26
-Paige decorates the cake with an icing drawing of a shark, covers cake it Swedish Fish and bright blue sprinkles- Age 12

-Paige leaves early to meet her boyfriend before dinner with his family, the C train stalls after only going one stop, fearing she'll be late, Paige goes upstairs and calls a cab. When a stranger says she's also going to the West Village and asks to share the cab with her, Paige complies. The stranger is actually going to the Lower East Side and is not a very good traveling companion as she is terrible with directions and makes Paige 15 minutes late to meet her boyfriends family. Paige has now made her boyfriends family late for every single dinner they have ever invited her to- Age 20

-After family dinner, Paige and her boyfriend change into fancy clothes and MASKS because they have a Venetian Carnival Masquerade Party to go to- Age... Hard to say, because a similar theme party was featured on Season one of Gossip Girl, but thee were lots of older people there so... wash- Age 24

-Paige gets nervous at fancy party in fancy apartment where there is a hired wait staff, DJ, stilt walker and little person in a tux running the private elevator, she panics while ordering a drink and says "umm, just make me something pink"- Age 10

-Holly buys illegibly labeled bottle of $9.99 vodka and uses this to make store brand Crystal Light/OJ/faux lemon juice/Sprite/sketchy vodka cocktails, delicious! - Age 19

-Holly and roommates and extra friends drink "cocktails" and sorta play a Scrabble type game called Bananagrams- Age 21

-Holly fails miserably at being able to spell 'cesarean' and so instead spells 'car'- Age 15
-Holly and co. go to Soda bar decked out in Valentine themed candy bracelets that Paige's adoring mother sent- Age 5

-Drink beer, eat onion rings, eat candy bracelets, and Holly gets caught lying about trivial soccer facts to random guy at bar that really looked like he lacked all sorts of knowledge especially soccer related-Age 20


Sunday:



-Paige, her boyfriend and roommates eat the Shark Cake for breakfast- Age 8
-There is a small quarrel about the amount of frosting each person gets- Age 4

-While watching TV, Paige stumbles upon the A&E show "Hoarders" subsequently launches into a diatribe about how disgusting it is that these people are "diagnosed" with "hoarding" while they are actually just lazy and messy and that "chronic disorganization" does not belong in the cannon of mental illnesses next to real problems and how "American" it is for people to cling desperately to their stuff because it "represents who they are". This rant makes everyone uncomfortable- Age 24 (and way too entitled)

-Paige and her boyfriend hang out at a skate shop in crown heights- Age 14

-Holly and roommate drag 4 "Hoarder"worthy sized bags of good quality used clothing to Beacon's Closet- age 30

-Holly ends up getting $11.42 in credit for a peach-colored dress she obliviously never wore and paid $4.00 for and says "suckers" as she walks out on cultish Beacons workers- Age 16

-Holly, Paige, and roommates have anti-Super Bowl pro MTV's Teen Mom and Jersey Shore marathon party- Age 14

-Everyone participates in other Super Bowl activities such as making pigs-in-a-blanket and eating them 3 minutes later- Age 14

-There was some Met Foods brand Rainbow Sherbet consumed at different parts of the day- Age 5

-Everyone retires to bed, not caring and unsure of who won the Super Bowl, but instead are grateful to not have babies and wishing for better tans and biceps on hipsters- Age 14

This weeks Maturity Index puts us at 17.9, which we understand. Last weekend we were free thinking, anti-football, pro-gorilla muscles, edible jewelry wearing, pigs-in-a-blanket consuming seventeen year-olds and we liked it. Next weekend has a love theme.

Hump Day Inspiration:

Doppelganger Week on Facebook

For all of us kids of the Facebook Generation this is a special week...Dopelganger week! The week where, instead of your normal facebook picture, you know, the one of you passed-out on the toilet, you get to put a picture of "the celebrity you most look like". Sound real fun... if you are Megan Fox's twin sister, or Heidi Klums clone. As far as the gentlemen, James Frango-alikes, go nuts!

But this is a slightly less joyous occasion for Holly and I, insofar as, we find ourselves to most resemble....

Joseph Gordon Levitt

and..

Miss Taylor Dayne

We can feel sorry for ourselves all we want, but "Tell it to My Heart" was a HUGE hit in 1995 AND JGL is making a killer come back. Sure, having people come up to you and tell you that you look like the singer of a 90s one-hit wonder isn't great. People telling you that you look JUST LIKE dude, also not that great. But It could always be worse...

For instance, people could come up to you on the street and tell you how they cried at your rendition of that song from Les Miserables...

Or how they can totally identify with how you get no respect...

Or worse yet, they could tell you you look like Charlize Theron... "Oh, when she played that lesbian serial killer.... yeah......"

Things could always be worse, people. So Happy Humpday!

Forever your Girl,

Paige/TDayne

Maturity Index:

She's crafty

We were pretty sure that attempting to purchase something with a check and hanging out with our married friends would elevate our maturity this weekend.... thank god for candy and crafts.

FRIDAY

-Paige takes off work to show her friends from college (who are a married couple) around the city, they go to the Brooklyn Bridge, check out Wall St. and Ground Zero, and walk around SoHo and Times Square- Age 34

-They also hit up Century 21, H&M, and Forever 21- Age 16

On the way home, Paige attempts to purchase wine with a check- Age 67

-Everyone meets at home for a family dinner where competing styles of tacos are enjoyed- Age 27

-Everyone primps for the night, outfits are selected, we listen to Jay-Z and Ke$ha- Age 22

-Holly makes herself imported rum and store brand Crystal cocktails with a rum "floater" on top- Age 22

-We chase shots with Blow Pops- Age 17

-Fearing the cold, we opt against a 3 subway-line transfer and call a car- Age 30

-When car service sends us a Kia Mini Van with a baby seat in the back, Paige immediately sits in it- Age 2

-Everyone one is overly nice to Kia Mini Van driver (can you be that cruel to anyone driving a Kia?) and male friend in town and driver make small talk-Age 36

-Kia Mini Van (this is fun to say) driver puts on Jock Jams-ish music that Holly most definitely has on her iPod- Age 13

-We arrive to Public Assembly in Williamsburg for the Uzi Mon concert- Age 24

-Uzi Mon is our roommates trainer, she points out: "that guy helps me do squats" as Uzi Mon is wearing faux beard and a cowboy hat)- Age 30

-Everyone dirty dances to Uzimon's "combat reggae", which is really fun and also very very strange- Age 22

-We try to take the G train home and when we find out it is not working Paige asks a police officer if they could give her a ride- Age 13

SATURDAY

-We wake up early and make a big brunch with fruit salad, pancakes, bacon, and huevos rancheros- Age 32

-And sprinkles and whipped cream for the pancakes- Age 8

-And beer- Age 19

-Holly goes to Brooklyn Label for brunch with boyfriend and bf's brother for granola, lamb sausage, and 5 cups of coffee- Age 29

-and finishes off last night's watermelon Blow Pop-Age 6

-Boyfriend keeps referring to Holly as a "Lady of the Night" as Holly is wearing heels and leopard coat amongst lumberjack-looking hipsters- Age 24

-Paige and her guests plan on checking out the Brooklyn Museum- Age 32

-But the cold, and the fact that the Sandlot is on make them stay on the couch- Age 12

-Paige and her boyfriend go on double date with Paige's friends at a cozy cafe in her neighborhood and talk about their childhoods growing up in diffrent regions of the US- Age 36

-Afterwards they go to the liquor store where they make jokes about buying a gallon bottle of Hypnotiq (Paige wasn't really joking) but end up buying

Sambuca- Age 59

More PBR- Age 21

And Sparks- Age 18

-Holly goes to babysit second cousin on Upper West Side-Age 15

-In heels and crop top so as to "fit in" with burlesque show vibe at BK Bowl later- Age 17

-Successfully puts child to bed and successfully figures out how to work the complicated TV- Age 35

-So can watch Jersey Shore Reunion Show she missed- Age 16

-Paige and her friends take shots of Sambuca, then decide it's too cold to go to the burlesque show they were thinking about attending, and instead stay on the couch and play Cathphrase, this gets increasingly competitive after the Sparks is consumed and objects are thrown and there may have been some tears- Age 12

-Holly ends up attempting to take G train to Williamsburg and thinks she is clever waiting at the Jay Street IHOP for a bus while others wait in the cold, however is, for what we hope is the last time, kicked out of IHOP-This should not get an age as Holly was causing no harm to international pancake making

SUNDAY

-Paige and her roommates take the guests to the dirtiest, cheapest, greasiest diner in Brooklyn- Age 21

-Page and the roommates argue over what movie to watch, then decide on "Unfaithful"- Age 40

-Everyone gets really awkward when the phone installation man shows up at our apartment while we are watching a very graphic Diane Lane- on-French Guy sex scene, we all feel ashamed- Age 13

-Holly goes to Peter Pan Bakery for the 9th Sunday in a row and makes a $16.49 purchase on 5 bagels, 3 doughnuts, 4 muffins and 1/2 lb schmear to count as bringing "brunch" to friends viewing of the Arsenal vs Manchester United Match -Age 26

-Holly makes fun of soccer players with bad teeth, comments on tightness of goalie shorts, all while picking out the doughnuts with the most sprinkles- Age 16

-Holly pouts as "shopping with her boyfriend" turns into looking at backpacks at The North Face store- age 9

-Gym, grocery store, make healthy dinner and shower- Age 25

-Prepare to kick-off our Valentine-Making party by watching Lady GaGa and sir elton perform a less-weird-than-we'd-hoped performance on the Grammys- Age 17

-Sit at the table with our newly renovated craft-bucket and all-important snacks: red jell-o, Blow Pops, Junior Mints, Sour Patch Kids, sweet potato fries and popcorn- Age 8

-Make Valentines for our loved ones while listening to a "Love Song" playlist made by Holly that included some really weird stuff- Age 18

-Holly spat out cheap red wine when Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do it For You" comes on- Age 18

-Drink red wine as we reminisce about the "Great Valentines Days of our Youth"- Age 50

-Paige and Holly end up drinking wine and finishing off movie-theater-sized candy while roommate makes our Valentines- Age 20

In the end donuts, baby seats and glitter glue balanced pretty perfectly red wine reminiscing and Sambuca shots, our average age was a 23.4 which is practically our real age anyways. We'll see you next week where we'll most likely explain how we avoided the Super Bowl!

Happy Humpday!

I was a figure skater for 9 long, cold, bedazzled years. I could do this fancy trick where I put my leg next to my head, and could do this decently entertaining shoulder shimmy shake, but other than that I really wasn't very good. Most of my points came from smiling and "pretty hands". I was slow. I ran head first into the boards one time during a competition. My "jumps" were more "hops" disguised as double salchows.

But that didn't stop my family from obsessing over the sport/art of figure skating. My dad considered Kristi Yamaguchi to be his long lost daughter. My mother favored the critically acclaimed yet risky jumper Katarina Witt (who I found out doing extensive reasearch for this post, posed for certain risque magazines). My younger sister loved Surly Bonaly, who once did an illegal backflip in a program after she botched her jumps.

I still consider meeting Nancy Kerrigan my biggest celebrity encounter (of course that will all change when Mary Kate Olsen strolls into Home Sweet Home one night...).
I, before her world famous "mishap", loved Tonya Harding. She was the skater I never was. A total badass. She skated to Jurassic Park while I hopped around to the theme song from Bewitched. Tonya was famous for "accidentally" "brushing against" other skaters during the practice warm up, skating away unapologetically whilst I would would stop and beg for forgiveness on the verge of tears if I got in the way of someone's jump.

Although my figure skating career was obviously over the day my token "shoulder shimmy" didn't get me on the podium, I still love the sport/art. So when I came across this Johnny Wier video, I had to share it with the world (our followers). Not only is this a little bit Holly (the skating part bit), but Johnny is also skating to (his close friend) Lady Gaga's "Poker Face", which Paige adores.

So, watch, enjoy, dance along, and appreciate Johnny's hip rolls. We certainly did. Happy Humpday kids!

Forever Your Girl,

Hollyn

I had an obvious yet legit crush on this guys, Ukranian born Victor Petrenko. Swoon

Help for Hati Suggestion:

Danse Family Fundraiser

As we, Paige and Holly, are sometimes fabulous but always poor, there isn't too much we can do financially to help the Haiti victims and their families. However, when we found out that our friend, blog supporter, and super-sweet girl, Darnelle of Brooklyn lost family members that were living in Port-au-Prince, we immediately felt for Darnelle and her family and wanted to try and find some way to help. Texting hefty sums of money on our parents' phone bills just didn't seem like the way help our friend who works just down the street from our house.

The delicious Kush Cafe, where we had the first our roommate Christmas dinners, is having a fundraiser in which the proceeds will be given to Darnelle's family, the Dasnes.

We will be at Kush cafe Wednesday, February 3rd for the all-you-can-eat French Pan-African cuisine that is $20 and sounds absolutely awesome (we're not sure what Fricasee of Conch is but we're sure it's delish).

So follow our example, and do something good for your stomach and your heart and come!

Dasne Family Fundraiser

Wednesday, February 3rd 5pm-11pm

$20 Per Person All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

Salade de Saint MarcMixed greens, tomato, onions, egg, lemon dressing

Main Courses

Beef Tassot au Riz Djon-DjonCrisp beef bites with black rice & banana pesée

Lambi Fricassee of conch, mirepoix vegetables, red kidney beans, rice & banana pesée

All profits will be donated to the Dasnes.

RSVP: mailto:kush@kushcafe.com%20subject:Dasne or (718) 230-3471
Kush Café17 Putnam Ave (@ Fulton btwn Cambridge & Grand)

Brooklyn, NY 11238

Forever Your Girls,
Hollyn and Paige

Maturity Index:

Wherein We Learn You Must Always Wear Pants on UES

This weekend we were verbally assaulted by a middle aged woman wearing what appeared to be a crown of mink, while we were wearing PETA-approved faux leopard/puma coats. This was awesome and without a doubt the highlight of January 2010. This lady should learn to act her age. Who, besides Regina George, just makes fun of girls like that? Here is last weekends M.I.:

Friday:

-Paige eats a bowl of edamame for "dinner"- Age 19

-Paige literally takes over two hours trying on clothes and yelling across the apartment "I HATE ALL MY CLOTHES, I need to hit up Forever 21 BAD!"- Age 14

-Holly puts on the same overpriced American Apparel pajama shorts she has worn the last 3 weekends- Age 9

-After almost an hour on the train, headed to 95th St., we are "greeted" uppon exiting the subway by a grumpy middle aged woman who accuses of us being "women of the night" but uses a bit more of offensive slang.- Age 21

-Paige's only response is "Why are you being so mean!"- Age 10

-Holly's is "Uh, yeah we have shorts on under our coats"- Age 19

-We decide we were only accosted because this old woman was jealous, has many cats, and we were wearing fur/leopard print jackets and "bad girl" shoes, cheers to our youth- Age 24

-Arrive to our friends going away party in her gorgeous apartment that has real furniture and a tv that she did NOT find on the street- Age 32

After a few bottles of Cristalino "champagne" our adult farewell party devolves into a middle school basement dance party after Paige puts on "Party in the USA", what else?- Age 15

-Yoga demonstration also happened in "bad girl" shoes at one point- Age 40

Saturday:

-We both wake up in Paige's toaster bed, Holly is wearing full sweat-suit and UGGs on, Paige is wearing her outfit from the night before- Age 19 (Holly immediately de-layered sweats and Paige switched toaster mechanism to 'off') -

-We go wake up Kristy and lay in her bed and tease her about the boy she was dancing with the night before (what's his name? Joey? Alex? It's normal sounding right?)- Age 13

-Paige friend, Meg arrives and she and Paige go to a long, fancy brunch then spend the rest of the day shopping and gossiping- Age 30

-Holly and Kristy go to "bring a friend day" at Equinox and Holly immediately tells hottie trainers she is there for the free food and literally eats a "health" wrap en route to the treadmill- Age 14

-Holly does minor league begging to have Kristy bring in mini bottles to gym so she can steal "complimentary" Kiehls products for her -Age 16

-Holly wants Kristy to give her an "updo" to go see NYC ballet so is 45 minutes late leaving for date-Age 9

-Holly makes "stranger jokes" at Lincoln Center about how easily it would be to just tumble over the balcony- no age because this is not funny or appropriate at any age

-Sober cries when Romeo meets Juliet-Age 62

-Paige and Meg drink Prosecco, eat crudite and postpone their night on the town to watch the SAG awards- Age 40

-Paige and her friends go out to the bars where Paige gets in a fight with a bouncer after telling him "You are so mean you could be a step mom", she leaves shortly after- Age 10


Sunday:

-Paige is drinking mysterious juice with a straw:

Holly: "Paige, is there vodka in that?"

Paige: "No... there's wine in it"

Holly: "I ALWAYS know when you're drinking" -no age but it was 10:30 am on a Sunday so...

-Paige and Holly go to brunch at a French restaurant with friends- Age 25

-We loudly point and admire a fellow bruncher's cardigan that has various dogs woven in it- Age 12

-Holly goes to the Brooklyn Museum with her boyfriend and their friends to see "Who Shot Rock and Roll" for the second time- Age 30

-Afterward they all go to bar to watch Madrid soccer game that boyfriend has been talking about for a week where Holly pouts about lack of attention and instead talks about the hotness of David Beckham-Age 14

-Paige and her friend head into Bed Stuy to check out their other friends new apartment, talk about how awesome it is that Paige lives so close to where Biggie Smalls grew up- Age 17

-Paige, Holly and Kristy girlpile on the couch, complain that theres no goo TV on untill 9pm when the "Pregnancy Pact" comes on Lifetime- Age 16

-Eat Whoppers, popcorn, frozen yogurt and turkey pepperoni- Age 10

It doesn't surprise us at all that the Miley Cyrus dancing and "Stepmother" name-calling make us 21.2, despite the fact the Holly went to the ballet and Paige ordered her Croque Madame brunch with a Brigitte Bardot-worthy accent. Next weekend Paige, Holly, and roommates will be playing musical beds as our married friends shack up with us for their first NYC visit.

Forever your Girls,

Holly & Paige

Hump Day Inspiration:

The Jersey Shore Has Been Renewed

When my brother first told me that MTV was coming out with a Real World-ish show that was based on the Jersey Shore and would follow, exclusively, a month in the life of 8 "guidos" and "guidettes" (I'm still not sure if I'm allowed to call them that, but JWOWW said its a "compliment"), I was displeased. As a lifetime Jersey Shore-er I have always had the annoying, elitist task of having to tell people, "No, no Stone Harbor is different than Wildwood". But now that I have fallen hard under the Jersey Shore spell, I no longer care if people can differentiate between fancy-pants Stone Harbor (where Oprah and Tom Cruise own homes) and Sleazeside heights. Instead, I proudly give a little fist-pump and just refer to it as the "Jerzay Showah Bitch!" (as Snooks would say).

So you can imagine how excited I was today when one of my bff's and fellow Jersey Girl, Jess informed me that not only was the Jersey Shore being renewed for another season, with THE SAME CAST, but they were going to be filming it in the town of Sea Isle City, a mere 3 miles from Stone Harbor, and the same beach town where, we had our first Jello Shots, learned how to play quarters and eventually became obsessed with infamous cover-band Mr. Greenegenes.

To think that this summer we could be eating pickles with Snooks, watching Sammi "Sweetheart" cry about her Flintstone toe, seeing JWOWW bust some "zoo creatures" in the face for calling her fat is just thrilling. I'm already daydreaming about "The Situation" creeping on my friends, battling the beat (because there is "something inside him") with Vinnie and figuring out a way to "stalk Paulie D's life on the boardwalk". And maybe if I play my cards right, I could get in on some of that Gym, Tanning and Laundry action with Ronnie.

So, heres to Chicken Cutlet night, Sea Isle Style! Enjoy the rest of your week.

Forever Your Girl,

Paige