Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Couples Retreat

Sorry we have sort of abandoned our blog life and anyone cool enough to care about us!

While Paige and I have had our blog absence all sorts of important things happened:

I went to a wedding and wasn't the drunkest person there (Kristy was)

Paige introduced me to Silly Bandz

Sarah Jessica Parker was spotted wearing Silly Bandz

Al Gore's affair with Larry David's wife was discovered

Paige had to work on the weekend (but she got to throw back a few while doing so)

The USA got booted out of the world cup

Holly watched Shawn drink a wine spritzer

I found a new place with an outstanding 2 for 1 margarita deal

So much to discuss!
Well let's not because bigger and better things are happening.
Paige and I have been C- friends for the past two weeks thanks to our busy schedules and the fact that we both haven't retired yet and can't just hang out and watch Ramona Singer drink Pinot Grigio while we are ourselves drink Pinot Grigio all day. So we are going on an Americana-themed couples retreat this weekend! We will be apart of each others lives, eating schedules, and dreams for four whole days!

Last year's retreat. This table is filled with love and crab.

Here is what we hope to achieve during our couples retreat:

To make* a 4th of July cake that looks like this:

Drink wine and look for Joe Biden at the Wilmington Country Club

...in matching patriotic bikinis

Gossip about Chessie with Paige's Mom

Of course the biggest goal for this weekend is to rekindle our love for each other and buy some new (matching!) Silly Bandz.

We will also undoubtedly eat to our hearts desire while watching hours and hours of HBO and getting sunburns while mixing anything with gin and making weird jokes. So making our Moms proud!

Again, sorry for the lack of posts and please come see us next Wednesday or maybe Thursday to see how the cake turned out!

Forever Your Girls,

Holly and Paige

*The chances of us attempting to make this cake are pretty good. The chances of us instead making cake batter and mixing that with a tub of frosting are better. Just saying...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Maturity Index:Flipping Cups and Tipping Canoes

Flipping beer cups and tipping canoes proved to be some of last weekends highlights. What else happened?

-Holly stops at Forever 21 to purchas a backless purple leopard skin blouse-Age 16
-Holly parks herself on the couch to gorge on popcorn and taunts Paige that she will miss the first episode of Bethany Getting Married-Age 16
-Holly somehow persuades Chrissy to stroke her hair that hasn't been washed in 6 days until she falls asleep-Age 13

-Paige finishes up her bizzare pre-Hamptons diet by enjoying her final yam while watching The Real Housewives of New York: Reunion as she waits for Steven to pick her up- Age 24

-On the drive out to the Hamptons Paige and Steven fight over the radio, he pushes for reggae pushes and Paige pushes for Fleetwood Mac- Age 56

-When they arrive to the Bed & Breakfast Paige notes that it resembles the lodging in "Dirty Dancing" and asks the girl at the desk if there's a secret clubhouse in the woods where she can meet the dance instructor. This joke is lost on the college age girl.- Age 35
-Paige and Steven hang out at The Margarita Grille (Steven's ol' stompin' grounds) where at first Paige is nervous meeting all of Steven's childhood friends for the first time, but she quickly bonds with the bartender and all is fine- Age 19
-By the end of the night Paige and two of Steven's friends have taken on the project of "fixing" Paige's busted Haviana by attempting to melt the strap back on fire. Lighting shoes on fire indoors- Age 12

-Holly wakes up early to go running and to cardio Tai boxing with a Caribbean nazi-Age 24
-Holly and Chrissy drink coffee and watch every Justin Bieber video youtube has to offer-Age 9
-They both agree Justine Bieber seems like such a "nice young man"-Age 40
-Holly and Chrissy start drinking the usual (Georgi vodka with off-brand Crystal Light) and start looking for patriotic outfits to go watch the world cup-Age 24
-Chrissy wears a nice gauzy maroon top and Holly dons a red and white striped crop top (which she found out later actually resembles the Puerto Rican flag more, this was okay with her)-Age 16
-The two drink their usual roadie and Chrissy falls on top of the oldest lady that has ever ridden the subway-Age 21
-They finally make it to Mustang Sally's to drink beer and chant "U-S-A"!-Age 24

-After the game Holly decides everyone is going to the guys place that invited them and asks if everyone will please bring ice pops and booze-Age 18

-Everyone immediately starts playing a girls vs. boys flip-cup game, cheering, mockery, and Chrissy "can crusher" "Machine-han" Sheahan are all part of the game-Age 21

The winning team! Holly and Chrissy with their new friends Charlie and ShanShan!

-Chrissy and Holly decide to drunkenly make their way home but not before stopping at McDonald's for an ice cream cone-Age 13
-They order thai at home, watch Catch Me if You Can simultaneously with The Bachelorette and pass out-Age 24

-Paige and Steven wake up early and get coffee and go for a walk on the beach- Age 40
-Since its not a sunny beach day and there are no surfable waves, Steven suggests they check out his childhood favorite 8-mile canoe trip- Age 25
On this "adventure" Paige learns:
-She has a serious fear of swans after Steven informs her that "their wing could break your leg"- Age 8

To prove Steven's point, this swan video is a much-needed addition

-You shouldn't challenge Steven's paddling skills or he will get overzealous and the canoe WILL tip- Age 16
-Once the canoe tips and your camera sinks to the bottom of the river it will take more than a few hours to laugh about how funny it actually was- Age 32
-After the canoe trip and lost camera Steven feeds Paige 12 oysters, 12 clams and a bucket of steamers and she forgets about the canoe tippage- Age 24
-A food-coma 3 hour nap- Age 8
-Paige and Steven have dinner with 8 of his friends at a fancy restaurant, in the middle of dinner one friend enters and "ices"* everyone, Paige pounds her Smirnoff Ice the fastest, surprising no one- Age 17
-Paige is feeling "drinky drinky" by now and is explaining her idea of a "baby game show" to all of Stevens friends- Age 16 (a baby game show is where you take a bunch of babies- under 2 years of age- and see who can do a puzzle or something the fastest. its like a normal game show but way more adorable)

-When Holly tires of writing on people's facebook walls at 8am she goes and jumps on Chrissy to wake her up-Age 14
-The two go into the city and meet Kristy, they all go to Maoz to get falafel pitas-Age 24
-Kristy and Holly are the last women standing and decide to go home only after they have gone to 3 Chinatown ladies boutiques-Age 16
-all the girls make about 9 bowls of popcorn at Underhill and wait for Paige to come home-Age 24
-Paige jangles her bracelets until Steven wakes up- Age 12
-Paige and Steven have bacon egg and cheese's and "jumbos" for breakfast- Age 15 (a "jumbo" is an enormous iced tea)
-They lay out on the beach until Paige says "its time for ice cream and sprinkles in my mouth"- Age 9
-Paige and Steven check out of the Bed & Breakfast and walk around town saying goodbye to all of Steven's friends. They can't decide on a spot for dinner so they head back to where the shellfish feast happened the day before- Age 21
-On the ride back Steven tries to keep Paige from falling asleep by opening her window whenever she dozes- Age 14

Our average age for last weekend totaled to 20.6, this is low thanks to Smirnoff Ice and wearing patriotic clothing. Next weekend Holly goes to a wedding at the same location she celebrated her 13th birthday and Paige has friends in town.

Forever Your Girls,

Paige and Holly

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Humpday: JanJo's Walk of Shame

We know we have been tardy to the party with our Maturity Index. So to compensate for another late posting, today we will do our humpday one day early. Deal?

January Jones, someone Paige and I would probably buy a blow-up doll of, has been getting some negative press lately. Last week she got into a car accident which originally was the “fault of the paparazzi”, however now rumors are spreading that the crash involved some booze and Bobby Flay (quite the combo eh?).

A spatula that does more that's good for more than grilling if you know what we mean...

Drunk driving with the Boy Meets Grill star is bad enough, however January Jones’ (Betty!) life only gets worse. This morning TMZ is circulating pics of JanJo (I made that little nickname up on the spot) getting out of a cab in the dress she wore the night before to some sort of Ocean Day party... SCANDAL!

Let’s take a step back.
First off, had Paige and I known that last Thursday was Ocean Day we would have listened to the Free Willy soundtrack or chatted about our dislike for dolphins or something. That aside, let’s discuss that January Jones goes out to celebrate dolphins in a slutty dress, gets laid, and then decides to cab-it home the next day in the SAME SLUTTY DRESS?!
Like we said, SAME SLUTTY DRESS!

Could we love this girl any more? Sure we feel bad for her and are dedicating a premature Humpday to her and the fact that she can't even do a walk of shame in private, but now we feel like she could really be one of our friends.

We can now easily imagine us, hand in hand in slutty dresses with January, going by fake names for the night should some Barney hit on us, (“January, you be December? Oh and Paige you be July and I’ll be March!”), and cheersing to the well-being of the manatee. The next day January would call us up, tell us about her wild night getting fed grilled strawberries in bed by Bobby Flay and come over in her slutty dress via cab to watch Lifetime with us while we get French fries delivered.

JanJo, we are sorry that people are giving you shit for this. But don’t feel so bad. It’s not as if you were snapped leaving a frat house. And we like your slutty little dress! Heck we even like Bobby Flay! Sure we are glad we don’t have to go through that humiliation, but we totally love you even more for it.

Happy Humpday everyone! At least you haven’t had January Jone’s walk of shame. Really, what would Don think?

Forever Your Girl,

Thursday, June 10, 2010


So tonight we are going to a launch party for ABSOLUT Brooklyn. I know, as my mom said "oh god....." And as always, we are of course delighted to be invited to any party thats open bar, especially if its for a vodka that celebrates our very own borough. But we did have some questions, this is ABSOLUT Brooklyn so it must tatse like... Brooklyn? What does that even mean? Apparently it is apple and ginger flavored, which confuses me and excites Holly, but lets face it we normally drink Vanilla Georgi so we are in no way a "good judge" of quality spirits. So all of this got us thinking. If there were to be an Absolut Paige or and Absolut Holly, what would they taste like? And what do we, in our infinite Brooklyn knowledge, believe Absolut Brooklyn should actually taste like? Our musings below:
Absolut Paige:
I once famously told the sommelier at a wine tasting that the "Riesling tastes just like a My Little Pony smells", this was totally true, but that doesn't make it any less embarrassing. So if there were to be an Absolut Paige I would want it to taste like the smell of my favorite childhood toy, a cupcake-scented my little pony. The bottle would be sparkle pink with a prancing pony on it and the lid would have a tail hanging off of it and something would probably light-up. ABSOLUT PAIGE
Paige's Absolut Brooklyn:
To me, Absolut Brooklyn shouldn't taste like apple and ginger, though I get it. Apples and ginger are things they sell at farmers markets and farmers markets are like, so Brooklyn right now. But to me, an authentic Absolut Brooklyn would be a little.... dirtier. My Absolut Brooklyn, like my Riesling experience would deal more with olfactory senses and probably less with taste. So, my favorite Brooklyn smell is the smell of the hidden bakery that exists somewhere near our apartment. No matter WHAT anytime after 5pm in our hood you smell baking cookies and its incredible. So it would basically be cookie dough vodka, and the signature cocktail would be Absolut (Cookie Dough) Brooklyn Vodka mixed with PBR because... yeah.
Absolute Holly:
I am not known for my good in taste in food (or really anything else except maybe legwarmers and giftwrapping) so Absolute Holly will follow suit. I famously love Good'n'Plenty's because you can ask anyone if they would like some, and that they may have as many as they would like, and yet NO ONE ever wants one, while I still look like a charitable candy-sharer. So Absolute Holly would taste like delicious Good'n'Plenty's and maybe it would be giftwrapped or have a legwarmer around it or something just for good measure.
Absolute Brooklyn:
My favorite Brooklyn food to put in my mouth are the donuts at Peter Pan in Greenpoint. I go there on Saturday mornings and watch all of the adults order bagels and compare whie I contrast the donut selection with all of the 4+ year olds. So to me, an Absolute Brooklyntini would be more like a spiked vanilla donut, with sprinkles of course.

So there you have it. Our Absolut-ly FDP ideas. Would you drink our signature vodkas?

Forever your Girl,

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Maturity Index:

Well we've finally gone and done it. We have successfully planned, paid for and executed an all-girls out-of-town trip! Thats adult right? Thats a mature, normal, adult thing to do, get your girlfriends together and take a trip together, very mature! Does it still count as mature if you use the hotel ice bucket to chill string cheese and Yoo-hoo? Can we still count ourselves among adult ladies if we were "Shamoo-ing" each-other in the pool, screaming Juistin Bieber songs in the "sick" marble shower and sleeping 8 to a room? Maybe. We'll just have to take a peek at our world famous Maturity Index to see where we ended up after heading to AC to celebrate the b-days of Holly, Kristy and Sarah!


-Holly leaves work with a tumbler of Double Cross vodka and wanders around Williamsburg sipping and waiting for the girls-Age 21
-Holly thinks she sees their gorgeous neighbor but is actually Ed Westwick right outside Berry Park, Holly starts frantically texting everyone she has ever met about celeb sighting-Age 12
-Everyone, roommates, Shawn, Marena and her bestie that is in town, get deluxe beers and share a rooftop table with a 2 people on casual date-Age 24
-Everyone starts loudly talking about intimate text messages and then realizes they are arm’s length from 2 people on a casual date, all parties involved are embarrassed -Age 16
-A beautiful cake is unveiled featuring Shawn eating a sausage made out of Gobstoppers-Age 15 (readers note: Holly’s boyfriend Shawn famously loves to make and consume gourmet sausage, but who doesn’t?)

-Holly is given beautiful jewels as gifts, cake is eaten, and it is established that the "Soup Nazi" isn't, in fact, real-Age 24
-All head on over to the Biergarden because Holly thinks her Nebraskan guests will find it super cool-Age 24
-Biers, sausages, pretzels are all consumed, next, naturally a decently-friendly arm wrestling competition begins-Age 15
-Shawn informs everyone that the bier mugs can be “cheered” against each other super hard and will never break-Age 21
-Paige and Marena's bestie test this theory, prove it untrue, have to pick up pieces of glass out of the laps of their neighbors- Age 20
-Half of the group gets tired/drunk and call it a night while the Nebraskan guests, Holly and Shawn all decide to take their bar crawl to The Turkeys Nest-Age 24
-There, Shawn is proud of the $10 for 4 beers, and everyone plays a lousy game of Buckhunter and are introduced to a Philedelphian who invented a non-spill chip’n’dip bowl-Age 24 (Readers note: The bowl goes up to an angle at one side, therefore dip is scooped and not spilled. Whatever.)
-The Nebraska guests and Holly bid farewell to Shawn and cab it home-Age 24

-Paige wakes everyone up at 6:40, everyone gets up and the trip follows suit punctuality-wise-Age 47
-On the A train we make Marena's bestie sit net to the grim reaper, just to give her an authentic taste of the NYC subway system-No age just this basically looks fake but it’s totally real
-On the bus, Paige spits up her rancid-tasting YooHoo, Holly tries it just to make sure and the YooHoo was indeed insanely rancid-Age 9
-Everyone enjoys snacks of string cheese, Blow Pops and chips. Paige threatens to put gum in Kristy's hair if she stops singing Justin Beiber songs- Age 12

-Girls finally get to the Majestic Harrah's in Atlantic City. Immediately head to the pool, and start ordering Shake’n’Take Long Island Ice Teas-Age 21 (Reader’s note: A Shake’n’Take is martini tumbler filled with booze that one get’s to keep!)
-The Long Island’s get everyone in a silly mood and some serious “horsing around” takes place at the pool:

-Head-dunking- 8
-Pulling down eachother’s suit tops-Age 14
-Underwater handstands/flips/horsing around –Age 14
-General vocal adoration for eachother-Age 9
-Piggybacks where the "pig" is actually more of a water mammal, so a "whaley-back"-Age 6

-A Sanjia doppelganger awkwardly blows his lifeguard whistle which really doesn’t help the horsing around situation-Age 15 (Because who listens to a lifeguard after the age of 14?)
-Everyone finally gets to the room and a good 20 minutes of drunken bedjumping, pillow fighting, dancing, and listening to Justin Bieber’s hit “Baby, Baby”- Age 12

-Chrissy’s parents comp the girls 2 cheeseburgers, chicken fingers, mozzerela sticks, quesadillas, and 2 bottles of champagne, all is insanely delicious and eaten in a drunken matter within 20 minutes-Age 24

-The remaining "important items" are chilled in the ice bucket- Age 17
-All the girls get “decked out” (Paige even employs a "Snookie Pouf") and head to hit the casino-Age 24
-Paige, Emily, Kristy, Chrissy and Sarah decide to "shake things up" and take a cab to the "swankier" Borgatta- Age 19
-After hearing that the Kings of Leon are playing a concert there, Paige is convinced the five girls would have no problem getting backstage, "no problem at all!" She has Emily Google the first names of the band members, commits them to memory and thinks everyone should just roll up and be like "I'm Caleb's mistress, so lets make this quick and just let me backstage"- Age 20
-After seeing the mean, scary old ladies (who we named Gretchen and Fran) who were guarding the backstage area the plan seemed less doable, dejected Paige walks past the bar and picks up a glass of Riesling someone had abandoned- Age 16
-Back at Harrah's Holly stays with Marena and Kelsey, they all make friends with all the old men at the $15 blackjack table and the cocktail waitresses and lifetime friendships are born-Age 24
-Paige and the girls join, and Paige makes lifetime friendships with the wives of the old men playing black jack- Age 59
-Eventually this proves too exhausting for Paige who retires to her room, calls her mom and curls up under the covers around 1030pm- Age 9
-All the girls get their act together by taking shots, dancing to Celine Dion, drinking Redbull, dancing to Justin Bieber (again) and dancing provocatively to get geared up for the pool party-Age 24 (Well Celine Dion and Justin Bieber cancel each other out so wash)
-The line of Guido/Guidettes to go to the pool party is as long as the line was to see Justin Bieber on The Today Show so everyone decides to head to another club-Age 24
-The girls stumble around the Tropicana innocently observing another level of New Jerseyness, Holly pouts about passing up a lounge playing who else but Celine Dion-Age 42
-The girls hear the sounds of fistpumping and find themselves in karaoke lounge filled with bachelorette parties and crackheads-No age, we just want everyone to get an idea of this place
-Marena buys a round and gets Kelsey on the list to sing ‘Shoop’-Age 18
-Holly is slightly irritated that everyone has to wait around at The Rose Lounge for Kelsey to sing because the crackheads keep speaking too close to her face offering to buy her cosmos-again no age, just a little FYI
-The attractive DJ starts playing a clubby version of “Hey Baby” and Holly decided The Rose Lounge is the place to be and everyone dances with bachelorettes and crackheads alike-there is NO AGE for this kind of thing
-The DJ announces that Kelly (Kelsey) will be singing Shoop and the one rule is that "no one is allowed to fall in love with her", Kelsey then raps flawlessly and dances awesomely to the 90’s hit-Most people can’t do this at any age, so no age
-The girls finally leave The Rose Lounge and take a Jersey Shore shot outside the club-Age 20
-Everyone, after deciding its too dangerous to walk the boardwalk in AC at 3am, decides to cab it home-Age 24
-Kristys buys 10 pretzels for $4 and people eventually pass out on all surfaces of the hotel room-Age 24

-Its Holly's 25th Birthday!!!- Age 25
-Paige does that thing where she breathes heavily and jangles her bracelets so that her sleep-mates wake up- Age 11
-Paige awkwardly approaches everyone and asks about all the fun times she missed while she was slumbering. Feels sad for missing one of her besties birthdays- Age 15
-By 9am everyone lays by the pool and recaps, drinks coffee and sneaks bagels while reading Harpers Bazzare- Age 45
-With plenty of time before checkout the girls return to the room, thoroughly (as possible) clean, stack the towels, make sure nothing was left behind, and tip the maid- Age 50
-Are TRULY astonished that we pulled this off... Keep reminding ourselves how truly incredible it is that no one even lost their phone! Or spilled champagne on it! Or dropped their cameras in the pool!- Age 17
-Hollys one true Birthday wish comes true, everyone agrees to eat at the Applebee's in "downtown" Atlantic City- Age 13

-Everyone falls deeply in love with our waiter Daryl who kindly brings Marena her Bud Light and tomato juice, and reassures Sarah that "Yes that diet pepsi is 'bottomless'"- Age 16
-Not yet content to head to the train station, Holly, Kristy, Marena and her bff head to the H&M across from Applebee's because "its nicer than the ones in New York"- Age 15
-Shocking themselves, once again, everyone made it onto the train in time and sat quietly, reading or napping- Age 35
-Except for Kristy who was loudly giggling with her boyfriend on the phone, her volume only rivaled by the drunk middle aged women sitting next to Paige who at the end of the ride had decided, as a group, that "Loretta" was most definitely leaving her husband, and she'd gotten Sarah to agree to ghost write the novel about it- Age....
-Back in New York, all of the girls go their seperate ways, giving hugs and saying "we have to do it again soon!"- Age 37
-Paige goes to fake hug Holly, but really just pulls up the back of her dress instead, in retaliation Holly pulls down the top of Paige's dress- Age 13
-Shawn comes over and gives Holly her birthday gifts, which make Holly cry they are “so swweettt” -Age 55
-Holly, Marena, Kelsey, and Shawn all go to Blue Ribbon for some high class bar fare-Age 35
-Marena gets a doggie bag for mashed potatoes only-Age 8

-Paige goes to meet Steven who patiently listens to her recount the weekend and feeds her a salad- Age 24
-Steven has rented "Legion", Paige complains its too scary but falls asleep before the opening credits are finished, at 9:15pm- Age 8

So, in the end our average age was 21.9. Which we think, is exactly how you and all your friends should be acting when celebrating your 25th Birthday. Thanks to all our lovely girlfriends who made this weekend such a hilarious success... we'll be doing it again... soon.

Forever your Girls,
Holly and Paige

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Maturity Index:


17 years

Every year the good people of the amish community allow their adolescent children to experience a time called "Rumspringa" which translates literally into "running around". After the Amish kids "run around" they are asked to decide between Amish baptism or life as a civilian. This is a true test of grit and maturity, not unlike the test of a Memorial Day, three day weekend that included a bachelorette party, a 25th birthday, massive amounts of day drinking and multiple BBQs. How did we non-Amish ladies fare when our maturity was tested with our own Rumspringa (emphasis on the rum! harharhar)? Lets find out....

-Because she has the day off, Holly puts on a bikini under her clothes to go lay out at McCarren park-Age16
-Holly goes into bathroom to change out of bikini during lunch as it was basically late-fall weather-Age 9
-Holly and Shawn try 6 cheeses at the Bedford Cheese Shop while Holly profusely apologizes for all the effort the cheese counter guy puts into cheese samples-Age 30
-Holly makes Shawn go to Buffalo Exchange to see if they can get Holly a pair of pants to wear to dinner as Holly has dressed for the beach-Age 9
-Shawn isn't set on the J Brand flares so Holly wears Shawns pants instead- Age 13
-Paige wears a sequin glitter crop top to dinner with Steven at Mooncakes- Age 15
-Paige and Steven go to the final night of the Whitney Biennial- Age 45
-When faced with the staggering line for entry Steven employs some of his "city kid gangster shit" by pulling entry stickers off people exiting the museum, fastening the stickers to his and Paige's shirts, and explaining to the guard that they are members (not true)- Age 14
-They stop on the way home to get Chipwhiches- Age 8

-All the roommates lay out on the roof and use their Blackberries to track down Kristy's favorite song from adolescence "Something More Beautiful" by Nikki Webster- Age 12 (because that's probably how old Nikki was when she recorded it, and its creepy. We were going to attach a video of her singing, but this is kinda photo shoot video of her is sorta better)

-Paige and Chrissy head to Brooklyn Flea and indulge in some Asia Dogs. "Mines like a Bhan Mi but with a wiener in it!"- Age 23
-On the way to the grocery store, Paige and Chrissy detour and get pitchers of Bud Heavy at Hot Bird- Age 20
-Finally at the grocery store Chrissy and Paige pick up the ingredients for what is about to become Paige's finest mixologist achievement to date "The RUMspringa". Coconut water, orange pineapple juice, pink ginger ale, frozen strawberries.- Age 24

-Kristy and Holly's childhood friend who is soon-to-be-married comes into town with her friend, they all go to get lunch, walk the BK bridge, and then back home to get ready-Age 24

-Kristy and Holly pass out the Bachelorette party goodie bags they made consisting of:
-2 Tootsie Pops each -Age 6
-1 Candy necklace each (only to be eaten by BOYS)- Age 15
-1 String of silver Mardi Gras beads- Age 13
-2 White hair barrettes shaped like bows-Age 2
-1 pair glitter Hello Kitty heart-shaped plastic sunglasses-Age 4
-1 puffy painted shirt reading "Game On" (The bride-to-be read "Game On") -Age 24
-Everyone drinks lots and dances to Holly's wedding/love/lust including "Going to the Chapel" by the Dixie Cups and "Single Ladies", obviously-Age 21

-Paige gets a little feisty from the Red Bull and smack-talks the creepy drunk bald man saying gross things to the girls on the subway platform. Paige's "feisty" attitude and filthy mouth lead the Midwestern out-of-town girls to say, "Paige is very Philly"- Age 30 (and male, and shameful. But seriously that guy had it comin')
-The first stop off the train is Mason Dixon, all six girls line up to ride the mechanical bull, barely noticing the bar is full of sailors for Fleet Week- Age 18
Holly on bull
-Chrissy is an extremely sensual bull-rider- Age 25
-Everyone complains that that "no hot guys are buying us shots" so we leave- Age 18
-The girls finally convince one cab driver to let all 6 girls in the cab and convince him to "pump this jam!" when Bulletproof by La Roux comes on- Age 19
-An extremely sweaty dance session occurs climaxing with Paige and Holly taking turns tackling each other onto the couches in the back of Beauty Bar (Holly just remembers this as Paige dancing on the couch, decide for yourselves)- Age 14
-Somewhere along the way Paige's knee starts bleeding.- No Age, just gangster.
Blood on the Dancefloor

-Tucked into Paige's bed just in time for the sun to come up, Paige and Holly drunk dial just about everyone they know (Holly's boyfriend refused to talk about message left the next day)- Age 18

-Holly gets up earliest and starts making coffee, birthday muffins, fruit salad and yogurt parfaits for Kristy's 25th birthday brunch- Age 35
-Paige gets up a little later and pours Andre and off-brand orange juice into wine glasses as her brunch contribution- Age 20
-At the kitchen table the girls enjoy Holly's muffins and swap stories about embarrassing childhood moments (someone had a back brace...) and what it feels like heading toward "middle age"- Age 40
-Paige, Holly and Chrissy bring out Kristy's birthday cake. This time it has a "Stone Street" on it made out of marshmallows (Kristy meets boyfriends on Stone Street in the Financial District... you should try it!) and there is also a cat with marshmallow eyes.- Age 14

-After brunch all the girls lay on the roof and put Sun-In in their hair- Age 12

-Everyone has large bruises and even some scabbing on their inner thighs which looks like something really F*@#&d up happened, but it was all just the bull riding incident-Age 19
-After much thought, Paige and Chrissy decide they should go on the Kelly Bensimon Diet (KBD) which consists solely of beer and "gum berries" or anything with high fructose corn syrup- Age 18
-The girls lay around the apartment, watch Real Housewives, paint their nails, take naps and ask Steven to be their bartender then accuse him of skimping on the booze- Age 24
-The girls and Steven head to Chelsea for their friends rooftop BBQ, they take in the view, are inflicted with an incurable case of "apartment envy"- Age 24
-Paige and Steven head home early- Age 45
-Chrissy and Holly play a poor excuse for beer pong- Age 17
-Chrissy and Holly get the party host to pay a whopping $1.29 for Miley's party hit "Party in the USA", Holly dances to this alone while entire party, Shawn included, silently watch-Age 16
-Holly makes Shawn and Chrissy do cute poses pretending they are a couple, then she gets jealous because they do a remarkably good job-Age 16
-Holly takes a picture on her phone of Chrissy talking to a chiseled young man and sends to Paige and Kristy-Age 12
-Holly passes out in party hosts bed (alone)-Age18
-Chrissy and about 1/3 of party join in on having a sleep party, although Holly is serious about this and demands a blanket to accommodate the 85-degree weather-Age 15
-Shawn brings the girls home via taxi and puts them in bed-Age 18

-Paige finally catches up on her sleep, snoozing in Steven's air conditioned "sleep cave" till 10:30- Age 18
this bear sleeping in a cave is totally relevant

-Paige cruises around Soho where she purchases two identical lace tank tops, a $4 dress, and (just what she needs) more bracelets. She visits Steven at Ground Support and gloats over her new (under $15!) outfit- Age 16
-Paige and Steven ride bikes around Prospect Park where Paige is awkwardly, accidentally hit with a Nerf ball while on her bike. She feels sad- Age 13
-Holly goes to Greenpoint to aid in Shawn's bbq-Age 24
-They get in a minor league fight about the amount of sausages to buy (Holly goes for the larger number, obviously)-Age 22

-Chrissy comes over (beer in hand), and Holly's friend Marissa from Minnesota comes by and everyone eat's Shawn's gourmet meal-Age 24
-Marissa, Holly, and Chrissy take a car back to Brooklyn just in time to join Paige and Steven for a bike ride to Havana Outpost for dinner and margs-Age 24
-The group snags an extremely hard-to-come-by table and Paige is given the job of warding off grumpy families who try to encroach on the territory. Paige has to get a little "Philly" a few times- Age 21
-Everyone enjoys the yummy (and environmentally friendly!) food, except Holly who feels sick and excuses herself to the street to vomit on a Mercedes- Age 15
-Back at home everyone piles on the couch, absent-mindedly flipping back and forth between The Jersey Shore and an old episode of Jackass- Age 13

So, this is uncomfortable. Kind of like an amish kid coming home to his parents after Rumspringa, knowing full-well he has to live with what he's done, but cold hard fact is that our average age from last weekend was 17 years old. There's not much more to say except that next weekend Holly turns 25. To celebrate we will be headed out of town with some of our lady friends and family ("lady" used loosely) for a romantic Atlantic City shitshow to celebrate a gaggle of summer birthdays and run a 9-person brothel out of a single hotel room. So expect next weeks Maturity Index to involve, cake, guidos, guidettes, partying in the USA and Paige pushing people into pools. But don't expect to hear the full story because like, what happens in AC STAYS IN AC.... Are we right?!!?

Forever Your Girls,
Holly and Paige