Friday, July 23, 2010

The Maturity Index Returns

So imagine Paige and myself, both wearing (matching) sweatsuits. We are crawling across hot coals in the Sahara dessert while Pitbulls “You Know You Want Me” is playing loudly in the background. When this is over we wash your feet with our hair and Kelly Bensimon appears eating jelly beans and telling US that WE are crazy. SO basically, its our personal hell... Thats how bad we feel about being delinquent bloggers, so this is our apology. Please, forgive us for our absence. Forgive our souls and our lately pathetic blog. Thanks!

With that, we give your our 4th of July Maturity Index (THREE WEEKS LATE):

-Holly (being the ONLY person in her office during a summer friday because she had to wait for an "important fax"!) rolls around the floor at work and goes outside to take a tan/fro yo break-Age 24
-Holly goes to 24th street in 600 hundred degree weather to wait 30 minutes for the “Double Happiness” bus and survives-no age, just this is quite the feat
-Holly gets dropped off in what looks like "da hood" in Delaware and tells Paige she is “working the corner”-Age 24
-Paige picks her up in Barbs BMW and they listen to Barbs Glee Season 1 Soundtrack whilst talking shit on it, and secretly being really into it-Age 15
-Paige’s dad starts poppin’ bottles and Paige and Holly learn the secrets of making Barb's “secret sauce”-no age just, try it!

Barbs’s Secret Sauce:
A few tablespoons butter
Some garlic
1/2 cup ketchup
1/2 can Coca Cola

Melt butter and garlic. Dump in ketchup in and coke. Stir stir stir until it condenses a bit. Consume attop grilled oysters (or if you're poor like us, some turkey pepperoni or slim jims).

-Emily and her family come over and everyone eats and Paige spills some wine AND some champagne-Age 24
-Paige and Holly settle in to the basement to watch Entourage (which Barb recommends)-Age 18 (and bro-ish)
-Paige passes out and Holly jangles the bracelets on her wrist and yell in her face to wake her up, this doesn’t work AT ALL so Holly goes up to Paige’s bed alone-Age 19
-Paige joins Holly at about 3am and they both sleep soundly until 7:00am the next day-Age 35

-Holly and Paige start their day at 7:00am and catch up on some much needed gossipy talk while drinking Doug-prepared smoothies-Age 30
-They both pack up the car, pick up Emily, and turn on some Glee Season 1 for the drive to Chestertown-Age 24
-Everyone needs a Wawa break and all get mint iced coffee’s, Em and Paige get cheese-filled soft pretzels, Holly get’s and apple, and Barb get’s Combo’s-Age 12, 32, and 9
-The girls drop of Barb and Doug and continue listening and singing to Glee Season 1 while they do the 45 second drive to the liquor store to purchase:
-1 Case Heineken-Age 30
-1 Case Bud Heavy-Age 40
-1 Case Bud Light LIME-Age 22 because this is when Holly starting drinking this and also when it made it’s beautiful debut into the world
-1 6/pk Smirnoff Ice (you knew this was coming) -Age 17 because that’s when we both probably tried this for the first time
-1 Liter Lemonade-Age 9
-1.5 Liters Burnett’s brand Sweet Tea Vodka-Age 21
-The girls forgot to buy water which is why they were sent out in the first place so have to do the 45 second drive again while listening to, what else, Glee Season 1-Age 16
-In a pre-sweet tea vodka stroke of genius, Paige hides a Smirnoff Ice in a cookie jar her brother Will would definitely turn to for cookies-Age 24

-The girls make their cocktails disguised as Sweet Tea and lay out next to the river-Age 24

-Will and his friend show up and people start getting Iced all over the place-Age 21

-Barb really wasn’t into the Icing of her children however looking back we think she was secretly jealous no one was Icing her-Age 21
-All the “kids” eat crabs on the dock and Holly watches Paige suck up the guts of about 14 crabs-I have no idea what age ANYONE is to literally SUCK crab goo out of a crab 14 times, so no age I guess
-Everyone goes inside to eat 2 types of coleslaw, corn, burgers, and dogs-All ages work for this right?
-Paige and Holly compare their differentiating styles of eating corn (Holly rotates the corn, Paige typewriter style)-Age 6
-Paige, Holly, and Em have a faux photo shoot on the boat-Age 12

-Holly has a conversation with Paige’s grandfather about the lives of trees-Age 72
-Holly, Em, Paige, Doug, Barb, and the cast of Glee Season 1 all head home-Age 15

-Paige and Holly wake up, put on stringy bikinis, and lay out at the neighbor’s art deco pool-Age 16
-Holly makes sure Paige puts on SPF 45 continuously throughout the day-Age 45
-Both read their respective literature, drink iced coffees, and take breaks to discuss what is going on in their books-Age 52
-Holly puts every single water floaty toy in the water and the girls are both obviously gravitate towards the large floating swan-Age 14

This REALLY having a swan between my legs and Paige scratching my back while in a pool

-The girls take a break to go inside to eat delicious sandwiches and watch Billy Elliot with Barb-Age 15
-Em meets the girls back at the pool and they all take turns floating on the swan while listening to 6 Bob Marley songs on repeat-Age 18
-Holly tries to relate to Paige’s family’s emotional connection to the cast of Friday Night Lights, but just finds herself wishing she could get caught in an elevator with “coach”-Age 17
-Doug takes all the girls to watch fireworks, patriotic feelings arise-Patriotic feelings while watching patriotic fireworks arise in EVERY age right?

So 3 weeks later we are letting you know that over the 4th we ended up being 23.5. Which is pretty good! However us not writing out blog is mean and cruel to all of our 43 fans (followers) doesn't get an age because it's just that bad.
Please forgive and still like us.

Forever Your Girls (we mean it!),
Holly and Paige

Don't we look apologetic?