Sunday, November 29, 2009

Long Weekend Maturity Index

Delaware Vs. Nebraska

Everyone once and a while Holly and I have to cut our proverbial cord and head to the lands of our ancestors. Of course we miss each other and constantly send each other BBM's regarding outfit choices and embarrassing things we did drunk, but when we are home we get to spend time with our MOMS. And you know how we feel about that.

But just because Holly and I are separated from each-other and surrounded by family and old friends doesn't necessarily mean we act any more mature. Let's see who acted more "adult" over this Thanksgiving weekend:

DELAWARE (small wonder, home of tax-free shopping):


-Sleep till 11- age 18
-Pick up Emily and drive to the MALL. oy.- age 12
-Listen to Taylor Swift songs in the car and don't even really hate it- age 14
-Get scolded at dentist office for never flossing and eating entirely too much candy- age 12
-Go out to 12 person "girls dinner" at nice restaurant in Wilmington, a night-before-Thanksgiving tradition- age 30
-Between the 12 of us, kill 10 bottles of wine- age 21
-Go out to Kelly's Logan House, another tradition, and catch up with high school friends and acquaintances- age 22
-Let someone from my little brothers grade buy me a drink, feel old- age 25
-After bar closes walk home to friends house for 20 person sleep over- age 14
-Sleep three-to-a-twin bed with Em and Jess for "3best" spoon session- age 12


-Wake up with vom-worthy hangover. Ugh PLD - age 20
-Get ready for family Thanksgiving, my most favorite day of the Year!- Ageless
-Wear respectable black dress because my grandfather has complained about my too-saucy outfits in the past and I've been made to put on sweatshirts from the attic- Age 25
-Chit-chat with family friends while going easy on the sauce- Age 30
-Favorite cousin and his girlfriend arrive and we open our first of too-many Prosecco Bottles- Age 23
-Mom, aunt Kathy and I find decorative, giant martini glass and take silly, boozy pics- Age 16

-Teach my aunt how to use BlackBerry BBM- Age 24
-Make joke about BMs- age 12
-Make the gravy (the one thing my family ever asks me to do for them)- Age 26
-Make everyone tell me how great the gravy is- Age 15
-Watch Home Alone with my brother- Age 10


-Wake up around 10- age 23
-"Catch Up" on my TV by watching
3 hours of Bored to Death- age 22
2 hours of Curb Your Enthusiasm- age 30
1.5 hours of Degrassi- age 12
-Family movie! All 4 Tibb's go see "The Blind Side" together- age 12
-Someone previously seated in our row dribbled disguising nacho cheese on one of the chairs. Dad has to explain this to each person who inquires about scooting past us to sit in the seats. Dad quickly looses patience with re-telling the cheese-seat story and this makes me extremely uncomfortable- age 14
-After movie pick up Em and Jess and go to West Chester for some champagne on hor dourves at Meg's house- age 30
-Bring Em, Jess and Meg to Lee's house for some Keystone Light and Titos vodka mixed with "Tampico" bodega juice- Age 19
-Everyone walks into town together to meet with other friends at bars- age 23
-Everyone takes pictures wearing my fake fur- age 15
-Bars close and we head back to Lee's house where the following things happen:
-Someone orders 3 pizzas- age 17
-Emily and Lee take out Lee's pet snakes and cary them around the house scaring everyone- age 16
-Make fun of our friend for having pet cats- age 13
-Wrestling matches- age 14

-Lee and Emily don "Where the Wild Things Are"-esque onesies- age 9
-I tell Emily she looks like a member of Heavens Gate (see picture below)- age 25 (for stellar 90s reference)
-Emily learns how to hold a snake and text at the same time, a useful skill- age 19
-Dan terrorizes everyone with his Cookie Monster impressions till 6 am- age 11
-Dan is locked out of all bedrooms and attempts to use a power-drill to remove doors from their hinges- age 30
-Everyone finally passes out, 4 to a bed at 6:30 am- age 18
-Vow to make this our new Thanksgiving tradition- Age 23


-Wake up at 8 (thats right, hour and a half of sleep)- age 35
-Help clean up the house- age 30
-Go to Diner for a breakfast of omelets, milkshakes, and apple juice- age 8
-Drive home listening to Taylor Swift CD I jacked from my mom's car, start admitting to myself that maybe I like it- age 16
-Prank call Dan at car dealership job and ask for a quote on a Mercury Gallant (which he tells us does not, in fact, exist)- age 13
-Treat myself to another day of On Demand TV and a nice long, college student nap.- age 18
-Fancy family dinner with family friends- age 30
-Fall asleep at 9pm on the couch watching Funny People (not that funny)- age 45


-Wake up earlyish and make breakfast for my bro and I- age 27
-Walk the dog and get really freaked out when she successfully stalked a squirrel and bit it on the tail- age 14
-Go get prom-ish manicures with Meg- age 16
-Visit my mom at work and try on jewelry and drop not-so subtle hints for Christmas presents- age 17
-Go home, drink wine and read Vanity Fair- Age 40
-Have family diner, laugh about my dad and the cheese-seat, and get on the train back to NYC- age 23

When all was said and done my weekend ended clocking-in at 17.8 years old, which makes sense because by day I was napping and by night I was trying to recreate After Prom. This Thanksgiving I was especially thankful for all the hilarious, weird and wonderful people in my life, but most of all for Emily wearing a onesie. Now, lets see how Hols matches up..

My mother is from Omaha, NE, (fact: Omaha has more restaurants per capita than any other city in the U.S.) and I jetsetted out there for the Thanksgiving holiday. Let's see how it went:


-Got up uber early (5:15 am) to catch 8:51 am flight- Age 32
-Feel really glad I arrived early because Air Tran flight was not at 8:51 but actually was at 8:15- age 18
-Made it to family Thanksgiving on time, with a mixed tape for the weekend- Age 23
-Drank 6+ glasses or Prosecco, merlot, pinot grigio during the first 2 hours- Age 19
-Went to extremely odd sports bar that featured a waterfall, the soundtrack to "Night at the Roxbury" and club-like loungy booths where I kept asking Nebraskans where the bottle service was- Age 20
-Managed to not make fun of sister's ex (to his face) for White Russians all night - Age 24


-Woke up early for Black Friday shopping- Age 38
-Ended up having my mom buy me things while I should have been shopping for others- Age 9
-Went shopping again later with sisters and cousin whilst bumping Flight of the Conchords the whole way there teaching adolescent girls to sign along to provocative lyrics- Age 16

-Scoffed at Omaha store employee who said, "I think you should wear something under that maybe" when I tried on a ruffled sequined crop top that had bra-like fixtures-Age 15
-Pre-gamed with 87-yr old Grandfather drinking something extremely suspicious (clear, unmarked bottle, smelled like peppermint, was kept in a secret area) where the only certainty was that this "beverage" is definitely 200 proof. -Age 21

-Went to collegesque house pregame party and passed around a bottle of sky while saying "don't worry kids I don't have H1N1". No one laughed -Age 32
-Made fun of mom-jeans wearers at the bar- Age 12
-Passed out the after-party where Marena had to make sure I was still alive- Age 21


-Immediately called Mom to have her pick up Marena and I- Age 18
- Went to a biker bar called the Ponderosa in Elk City, NE- Age 42

-Couldnt figure out how to work the jukebox so let my mom help me. She chose to play Clapton's Cocaine and Micheal Buble's Sway- Age 12

-Attend "fancy" steak dinner in the same party dress I wore Friday while partying, sleeping at a frat house and hanging out a bar with no windows.- Age 17
-Started late-night arm wrestling competition among cousins- Age 15
-I beat my younger sister, who usually beats me at everything including tennis and Super Mario Cart- Age 19
-Cousin who is just old enough to have her license beat me- Age 15
-Passed out watching Elf- Age 9


Nothing that cool happened on Sunday except for that fact that I did okay with handling chopsticks during sushi dins- Age 23

This brings Holly's total to an age of 18.7, I'm really proud of her, when we are apart she really steps up the maturity and acts like a barely-legal adult.

So that settles it Thanksgiving in Wilmington, DE is ever-so-slightly less mature than Thanksgiving in Omaha, NB. Thanks, everyone for sticking through this extremely long post. We look forward to next weekend when we have our second-ever theme party. And considering its 90s themed and we were all under the age of 13 in the 90's, I'd venture a guess that we will be kids.

Forever your Girl,
Paige and (sorta) Hollyn


  1. Couldn't have summed up our weekend more perfectly....can't stop laughing.

    Holly I would loveeeee to someday venture to that biker bar...seems like a place I would love.

    Job well done gals

  2. My first car was a Mercury Gallant