Monday, November 23, 2009

Maturity Index: Giving Thanks

THIS WEEKEND: We went to the THEATRE, people! But we also wore costumes to a fake Thanksgiving dinner.


-We meet after a long workweek and decide to get dinner- age 35

-Quickly realize that we are basically impoverished so we decide to have "something light" and be frugal- age 20

-Purchase dinner at CVS, “dinner” consists of: Cheddar Chex Mix, Cow Tails,Charleston Chews, and Cherry Pepsi- age 10

-We eat "dinner" quickly because we have tickets to the Theatre! Yay, culture!- Age 40

-The show we are going to see is called "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"- Age 23

-As we wait for our roommates to meet us outside the theatre we have kind-of heated political debate about gay marriage- Age 25

-We lighten the mood by applying bright red lipstick to each other- Age 14

-This gives way to a lipstick fight on 7th Ave.- Age 8

-Our other two roommates meet us and we, in our flannel and Frye boots, remark at how hot they look in short skirts and heels.- Age 23

-In the theatre we rejoice to find that our seats are together. Literally rejoice and high-five- Age 12

-We laugh our asses off at the campy humor of "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"-Age 20

-All the while sneaking candy back and forth to each other trying to not be too loud with the crunchy wrappers- Age 7

-At intermission use the playbill and our BlackBerrys to Facebook-stalk some of the hot actors from the play, just to make sure that inviting them to the bar afterwards would be fruitless- Age 18

-Look around and wonder if it's socially acceptable or appreciated to wink at male members in the audience of "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"- Age 25

-After the play we head over to a bar teaming with dudes still in their suits from work, suit dudes keep asking us if we are there for the "bank" party. No.- Age 19

-Realize we are entirely too sober for the scene and double fist Stella's.-Age 23

-Find it useless talking to decent-looking banker guy (with a bank party invite) who apparently has a French Chateau or something and instead talk to men wearing funny hats (funny not sexy)-Age 15

-Devise the best pick up lines to help our single girlfriends talk to suit dudes, come up with "Didn't we go to prom together? Lets make out."- Age 20

-It kind of works...-Age 18

-Call it an "early" night at 2am- Age 23


-We each do our "own thing" Saturday afternoon.

-Paige gets coffee and lunch at her boyfriends cafe and shops with Jess.- Age 25

-Holly goes to Peter Pan Bakery orders a strawberry sprinkled donut: Age 5

-Meet at home around 5pm and chit chat about our day and recap the night before- Age 24

-Turn on Lifetime- Age 33

-Get REALLY sucked into "Odd Girl Out" the story of "Nessa", a pre- teen who falls victim to "mean girls" at her school and is even driven to swallow a handful of pills, this story of middle school mean girls reminds us of those dark, dark days- Age 19

-But OMG the "Queen Bee" is totally played by Margaret Sterling from Mad Men! No age points, just another example of Lifetime being a star factory.

-The next Lifetime movie sucks so we watch Degrassi for an embarrassing amount of time. - Age 12

-Realize we are each going to be late for our fancy, adulty occasions- Age 30

-Paige finally scored impossible reservations of the Momofuku Ko

-Holly has a dinner party birthday where birthday girl's blinged-out mother will be in attendance.

-Drink wine as we get dressed- Age 25

-Its a $9 bottle- Age 22

-We finish it- Age 19

-We separately have a decidedly low-key Saturday night mostly devoted to food and adult-ish behavior.- Age 30


-Wake at leisurely, at late morning hours- Age 20

-Meet with roommates at Paige's boyfriends Cafe for coffee and lunch- Age 25

-Decide to go shopping- Age 23

-At Forever 21- Age 14

-Get tired, whiney and annoyed with the crowds on Broadway and decide to go home- Age 8

-Need to get snacks at Duane Reade first- Age 7

-Snacks: Doritos, Raisinettes, Soy Chips, Chex Mix, Candy Canes.- Age 6

-Take train back to Brooklyn while chatting about the Brooklyn Thanksgiving Dinner we are about to prepare- Age 30

-Wander our extremely disorganized Met grocery store searching for the "powder that makes mashed potatoes"- Age 20

-Go home to "rest" before cooking for our little family.- Age 50

-Holly goes to purchase wine ($9 for a “magnum” bottle) for our family dinner- Age 23

-Paige chips in for wine using quarters, a dime, and two $1 coins- Age 8

-Cheer and high five when we realize that "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger" (starring Tori Spelling)is on Lifetime- Age 34

-We all realize it's time to start preparing our assigned dishes:

-Holly makes crescent rolls with pesto: Age 20

-Kristy makes a delicious apple pie: Age 40

-Chrissy makes her sisters incredible green beans with balsamic reduction and goat cheese: Age 35

-Paige pours milk and water and potato powder into a bowl and makes "mashed potatoes": Age 14

-Holly's boyfriend brings over a rotisserie chicken (turkey), stuffing, mac n' cheese and cranberry sauce from Pete's in Williamsburg: Age 27

-We all get into costume! (Pilgrims and Indians): Age 7

-We Give Thanks!

-For each other (awww): Age 30

-For our food, home, jobs and families: Age 35

-For the 5 bottles of wine we have: Age 20

-For candy: Age 7

-We drink after each other these so giving thanks turns into some sort of appreciation-themed drinking game- Age 19

-We rave about all the food (even the "potatoes") and can't stop congratulating each other on pulling off our first Thanksgiving!- Age 24

-Holly's Boyfriend offers Thanksgiving fact that has something to do with John Adams or someone and we all get quiet- Age 12

-We clean the kitchen before desert: Age 35

-We realize we've had 5 bottles (2 of these are “magnums”) of wine before desert: Age 22

-We smother our delicious pie in a mound of aerosol Reddi Whip: Age 9

-We have an after-dinner game of Dominoes: Either Age 70 or Age 7 so...wash.

-We fight about iPod (Paige: Late 90’s Modest Mouse, Holly: Beyonce's “Single Ladies”) Age 14

-We get heavy eyelids, chalk it up to tryptophan and watch The Departed on FX: Age 43

-We lay in roommate pile on couch: Age 12

-We are extremely proud of each other, and ourselves we give each other big hugs and get ready for bed: Age 24

-Paige and Kristy butt-punch each other for good measure: Age 8

So after what they call “simple math” we’ve done our tally and found ourselves to have acted the average age of 21! Pretty nice! Only 3 years shy of our actual age, and when you take into account the candy consumption and butt-punching, we are actually pretty proud of ourselves.

We wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving and remember not to hate on fake mashed potatoes.

Forever your girls,

Paige & Holly

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