Maturity Index:

SnoWeekend

Our ol buddy, Chaz.

This weekend we finally got our asses off the couch, turned off Lifetime and put down our candy (albiet momentarily) and embraced father winter. Yet ANOTHER snowfall blanketed Brooklyn Thursday and Friday night so we finally took the opportunity to invent sledding devices and venture into the great outdoors (Fort Greene Park). We also drank tons of wine and snuck into movies, lets turn to our uber-scientific Maturity Index and see how we fared.

Friday:
-We go to our jobs and find out that we both get snow-related half days, competitive texting ensues as to who likes their job better- Age 20

-Holly gets bibimbop in Korea town to celebrate her half holiday- Age 25

yum!

-Paige buys a new camera to document the sledding adventure- Age 35

-We buy the following SnoWeekend "supplies"
-ingredients for homemade hummus- Age 40
-one large bottle of $12 "Tall Poppy" merlot- Age 22
-one large bottle of Goldschlager- Age 19
-one large bottle of Sambuca- Age 55
-"Asian Fare" aka Dumplings aka "DUMPS", edamame (organic, because thats how we roll)- Age 24
-Sparkling Shiraz- Age 30

-Return to Brooklyn to "pop bottles", make hummus and dumps- Age 24

-Drink 6 bottles of wine with our roommates- Age 20

-Paige is overserved and crawls into the kitchen where she tried to "take a quick catnap" on the ground while Holly takes pictures of her- Age 18

-Everyone girlpiles , holds hands, and rubs eachother's knees while we all thank eachother for our great friendship, we are emotional-drunk- Age 16

Saturday:
-Kristy wakes up the house at 6:30 in the morning and was scolded and sent back to her room- Age 6

-We all take shots of Goldschlager... with our eggs and bacon... at 9am- Age 19

-After drinking 2 bottles of Andre, mixed with healthy orange juice, we decide to do shots of Sambuca, but only after we cleanse our shot glasses with champagne, that Holly spills on purpose because non-accidental champagne spillage "is luxurious"- Age 23

-We blast Ke$ha on our 90s-era speakers (which were a gift from the boys upstairs) while we all try to figure out what clothing we have that is "sledding appropriate"- Age 15

-Holly wears: tights under jeans, four pairs of socks (all unmatched) a t-shirt and a flannel under her red puffy jacket she got in the little boys section of target. Paige wears: leggings, one thigh-high sock one one leg, and one normal sock on the other (because she couldn't find the pairs), pleather leggings (for waterproofing), jeans and a raincoat.- Age 12

-Sarah, our beloved buddy and only guest (though we invited almost everyone we know) arrives, gives us another excuse to drink celebratory Sambuca- Age 20

-We gather our sleds: laundry basket, cookie sheet, and 3 large Tupperware containers and start the 12 block trek- Age 11

-But first we stop at the hardware store to purchase duct tape for the holes in Paige's rain boots- Age 13

-We arrive at the park, our sleds do not work. Not one. But we refuse to give up- Age 14

-We borrow an inflatable turtle from Australians- Age 1

-We play with their dog, "Nancy", we all kiss Nancy's mouth- Age 8

-After trying to sled for a solid 10 minutes we decide to give up, all sit in a tribal-circle in the snow. Stories about circus jobs are told, we pass the Sambuca cleverly disguised as Pelligrino- Age 24

-And make a snowman- Age 8

-We make dirty jokes about the snowman because we know he won't care- Age 12

-We carry our "sleds" home, talking about how excited we are to sit on the couch. Everyone gets even more excited that our guest, Sarah hasn't seen all of the televised pregnancies we have. "We have SO MUCH to catch you up on!"- Age 22

-We order Thai, partly so we can see our Thai delivery man that is like a Father to us- Age 16
-We get ready to go out. Changing clothes, drying hair and applying brozer, all while watching Forest Gump and talking about how great that soundtrack is- Age 24

-We head out to different parties and gather back at home at 3am to finish our Thai take-out and share tales of our eventings- Age 24

-We make a rule that no one is to wake up anyone until at 8:30am- Age 40

Sunday

-Miraculously, no one wakes up anyone earlier than 8:30am- Age 25

-Girlpile and Sarah teaches us how to use "SlyDial" (a service that lets you call someone's voicemail directly, without their phone ringing, GENIUS). "SlyDial" is used t figure out the name of a gentlemen that one of our roommates made out with, but who's name she cannot remember- Age 19

-No can agree on the last name of young man, we "SlyDial" 6 times- Age 15

-All roommates start the Journey to the Court Street Theater where a much needed Movie Marathon will take place- Age 24

-Stop at yuppie grocery store where we immediately locate a sample platter of chips and guacamole, which we finish- Age 16

-Movie "Snacks" include: a bag of clementines, a bag of soy chips, a bag of apple chips, and apple/raspberry juice- Age 56 (we gave ourself extra points for this because normally we'd buy a milk carton of Whoppers and 30 yards of Twizzlers)

-We all purchase children's tickets to the rated R Shutter Island- Age 12

-Holly swoons loudly and frequently when the O.C.'s Ryan Attwood appears on a saucy preview- Age 15

-Shutter Island is awesome and we all have an out-of-character hyper-intellectual debate about psychology afterwards- Age 40




-We refill the refillable popcorn and "sneak" into Nicholas Spark's "Dear John"- Age 16

-We squeal when scenes scenes filmed on our college campus appear, "Oh my god I totally made out on that bench!!!"- Age 14

-"Dear John" was not awesome, and the only thing we debated afterwards was how uncomfortable the sex scene made us- Age 40

-We all come home and girlpile, eat weird dinners and stare nauseously at the mostly-gone Sambuca and Godschlager bottles- Age 24

-Bedtime, but sleeping is hard because were still a little freaked out by the bald woman who does the "shhh"-face at Leo in Shutter Island, c'mon you saw the previews, that shit was scary- Age 10

Last weekend our average age was 20.9. Meh. We thought buying dehydrated apples and seeing a not liking a poorl filmed sex scene would give us some solid years. However our Father Winter activities have nothing on Father Time, and can only hope we up the anty next weekend when our tallest roommate is out of town so we are screwed if the fire alarm breaks again and also our biggest-ever Oscar Party!

Forever Your Girls,

Paige and Holly

Hi Everyone!

As we sit at our offices, halfheartedly answering emails in our casual Friday attire, we can't take our minds off the snow that has recently blanketed our fair city.

The children of New York City, with school being canceled, are outside today, sledding, chucking snowballs at each other, avoiding yellow snow at all costs. Their only care in the world is the notorious chin-that-gets-zippered-into-their-coat ordeal. Although we are jealous of the youth of New York City, with their snow day filled with hot cocoa and matching Granimals snowsuits, we can't help but think that if it were our snowday, it would be only slightly different.

Most normal adults in New York City don't have room to keep last month's W magazine around in their apartments, much less a toboggan. So in lieu of "proper" sledding gear, we would repurpose cookie sheets, garbage bags, and empty our under-the-bed containers of sweaters, and use the large plastic containers as our "sled".

Most functioning, normal adults also don't have matching snowsuits, we don't even own matching "business" suits now that we think about it. We would pile on all of our under-the-bed sweaters, leggings, jeggins, High School Lacrosse team sweatpants, and our much neglected Uggs.

As we do not always behave as functioning, normal adults, we would also bring along some booze. Probably a large Nalgene bottle filled with Goldschlager and Dr. Pepper. Or possibly a half Coke half whiskey combo would be fun. A flask of Georgi anyone? The combinations, like our snow outfitting ideas, are endless.

Yes, we are at work today, but, like we mentioned earlier, we can't help but think of the snow. So tomorrow, we invite you to join us in our Adult Snowday. Put on your under-the-bed sweaters, fill your flasks, and find or steal anything that could be used as a "sled". We hope to meet you all at Fort Greene Park, for drunken sledding.

If not, have fun sitting inside, thinking about what could have been made of such a snowy day.


Forever Your Girls,
Holly and Paige

Where: Fort Greene Park

By Public Transportation: Subways: C to Lafayette, G to Fulton, R,Q, B to DeKalb Avenue, 2, 3,4, 5, D, N to Atlantic Avenue. Buses: B38, B52, B25, B26
When: 1:00pmish, tomorrow, Saturday, February 27th

If you would like to hang out at our place first that's fine, come over as early as your want and prepare to be subjected to Kes$ha, Sophie. B Hawkins greatest hit, and other catchy tunes

Why: Because we can

When: 1ish

Who: Everyone and your mother

Forever Your Girls,

Holly and Paige

http://fortgreenepark.org/pages/directions.htm

Maturity Index:

We often think that we bring out the immaturity in each-other, we egg each-other on to eat more candy, wear more glitter and say embarrassing things to strangers. So, it would be understandable for us to assume that spending the weekend apart, Paige in Delaware with her parents and Holly at home in Brooklyn, we'd behave with a bit more maturity than usual, lets see if that theory holds.

Friday

Holly
-Wanders around Whole Foods after work to buy ingredients with which her boyfriend can make her dinner- Age 42

-While wandering, eats Bunny Cracker Snack Mix (delicious)- Age

-Awkwardly asks strangers about buying steak; "What is top round?" "Could bottom round sound any grosser?" "Is the 'rump' what I think it is?"-Age 16

-In Brooklyn, Holly shows off her purchases: raw shrimp, 2 large yams, goat cheese, an orange, German mustard, $2.76 worth of the antipasti bar, and the rest of the Bunny Mix- Age 18

-I mean...Yams?-Age 63

-Drinks majority of wine and picks fight about home entertainment system- Age 24

Paige
-While waiting for train back to her parents home in Delaware, Paige purchases the latest issue of Harpers Bazaar and a bottle of water- Age 30

-To make sure no one sits next to her on the train, Paige piles her weekend bag, purse, and jackets on the seat next to her and pretends to be asleep whenever she senses someone approaching- Age 13

-Eats ham and cheese sandwich dinner her boyfriend packed for her- Age 7

-Paige's parents (and their beloved dog) pick Paige up at the train station and bring Paige home where she promptly heads to the fridge and drinks two Stella's in about 7 minutes- Age 20

-Paige's mom shows her a website called "Puppy Party", the two Tibbetts women spent a good half hour shrieking and grabbing each-others hand, bonding over puppy antics- Age 6

Saturday

-Holly opts for leftover yams and shrimp, instead of usual Peter Pan sprinkled donut- Age 32

-Holly helps a man with a cart get up the stairs to the G train shuttle bus, thinking she is a good Samaritan- Age 20

-Man with cart is actually extremely mean and his unattended cart barely misses small child as it rolls around on bus- No age, just be careful of people carrying their carts onto buses.

-At home, Holly changes into figure skating dress and tights, while mocking boyfriend's choice of jeans ("Come on, wear something more 'olympian'")-Age 12

-At the skate rental booth, Holly requests "authentic" skates and employee responds with "huh?"-Age 12

-Holly attempts skating tricks that put her blades at eye-level with skating children-Age 9

-Later that night, Holly and her boyfriend go to Spring Lounge for a friends 32nd birthday-Age 32

-Jolly Rancher Lollipop doesn't give Holly the "energy" she hoped for so she has her boyfriend take her home-age 16

-Paige's mom wakes her up around 8:30 by throwing the dog on Paige's bed and exclaiming, "Its time to go tot he MALL!" Paige and her mom drive a half hour to "the greatest mall on the east coast, KING OF PRUSSIA" listening to Taylor Swift and the Glee Soundtrack the entire drive-Age 15

-At Nordstom Rack Paige and her mom "kill it" in the shoe section, scoring Paige's "dream shoes" TWO colors for under $50. Paige and her mom congratulate themselves on the inherent Scottish thriftiness- Age 27

- Paige helps her mom find the perfect "springy, peachy, shiny" lipstick at Laura Mercier- Age 32

- Back at home, Paige shows her mom the video for Vampire Weekend's "Giving up the Gun", they simultaneously scream when Jake Gyllenhall comes on the screen- Age 18

-Paige helps her parents make a delicious and nutritious meal, all with ingredients from Trader Joes- Age 35

-Paige gets a little too excited about drinking her parents "expensive wine" (bottle over $3) and over-serves herself- Age 23

-Paige is confused to find herself really REALLY excited about the mens short track speed skating, feels strangely proud to be American- Age 37

Sunday

-Holly miscalculates the sunshine-to-temperature ratio and goes for a run in shorts and a tank top-Age 14

-Holly and Kristy go into (well known Vegan restaurant) S'Nice and order Thai "Chicken" Wrap thinking "Chicken" means chicken. It does not- Age 21

-Holly purchases a white jean jacket and a mood ring shaped as a starfish-Age 12

-Holly refuses to pet "cute" bodega cat that Kristy is immediately enamored with- Age 24

-Back at home, Holly and roommates eat French fries, vanilla yogurt, and kettle corn for "dinner" while watching (and salivating over Paul Rudd in) "I Love You Man" -Age 24

-Paige's parents let her sleep in till 11am- Age 17

-Paige's mom makes breakfast of raspberry-jam-and-Nutella-filled Ebelskiver's (they are like mini-pancakes and you are jealous) and Paige and her parents watch "Real Sports: With Bryant Gumbel"- Age 40

-Paige and her mom watch "16 and Pregnant" and "Intervention: Huffing" back to back- Age 14

-Paige and her mom shop for nail polish- Age 16

-Paige's parents drop her off at the creepy bus station in downtown Wilmington, Paige is 90% positive she sees her 16 year old cousin waiting for the same bus but is afraid to approach her because asking a strange teenager "Hey, aren't you my cousin?" would be beyond awkward.- No age, Paige just has a big family.

-Paige's possible-cousin doesn't make it on the bus and Paige starts to get nervous that perhaps her cousin was trying to run away from home- Age 30 for maternal-ish instincts (that quickly pass)

-Paige comes home and the girls make sure to watch season finale of "Keeping up with the Kardashians" where the oldest Kardashian, while in labor, pulls her own baby out of her loins, becoming more than just a reality star- no points, just that's totally awesome and we really want one of the "16 and Pregnant" kids to do the same

Though Holly ate yams instead of frosting, and Paige voluntarily watched the Winter Olympics, we had an average age of 16.8! Our youngest in quite some time! Apparently, Paige's hometown brings out her inner high-schooler and Holly can't stay away from mood rings. Hopefully over the next week we'll "grow up".

Our Hearts Growing Fonder with Fievel

As you all are well aware, Paige and I spent the last weekend apart. We knew it was a temporary separation, and so we got through the weekend just fine. However, this weekend we will be apart AGAIN. Friday through Sunday. All weekend.

This morning , Paige and I hung out for a while. Paige noted that her towel was weirdly still wet from the day before. I offered real cream for Paige's coffee as we usually have the powdered sketchy cheap stuff. We made weirdo normal person small talk. We finally looked each other in the eye and acknowledged what we both had on our minds: our soon-to-be absence from each other.

Paige: "My family and I are doing something on your bucket list this weekend, going to King of Prussia"
Holly: (look of disgust, surprise, and sadness, all at the same time) "What? Without me?"
Paige: "Yep, Nordstrom Rack baby"
Holly: "Well I am going figure skating without you"
Paige: "Ice dancing"
Holly: "You wouldn't even know what ice dancing was if it wasn't for me"

remember when?

This conversation was actually more sad and less cruel than it sounds. This is our way of saying, "I'll miss you, baby".

This post is all about getting through the weekend, missing each other. Because, like shorts in the winter, edamame, and Bananagrams, we have been really into lists lately, here is our Pros and Cons list of being apart AGAIN this weekend:

Holly

Pros:

-VIP access to Paige's Toaster Oven bed
-More room on the couch
-Should I purchase any dairy products I don't need to share with anyone as other roommates are on a non-dairy diet
-Have access to Paige's wardrobe without having to sneak past Paige as she may have been sleeping, napping, or watching Buried Life on her computer
-I can put my iPod on shuffle and not get a nervously sick feeling when a new song comes on crossing my fingers it's not Hilary Duff's "Sweet Sixteen" or similiar

Cons:

-No one to acknowedge that real coffee cream is being used for the first time in months (other roommates use weirder-than-powderded-milk creamer)
-Have to stare at Bucket List with "Visit King of Prussia Mall" and think about everything I am missing out on
-I can't say, "well I wasn't nearly as drunk as Paige" Sunday morning to my boyfriend when he makes a subtle comment about tequila-scented hair
-Less Girlpile

Paige

Pros:

-Seeing my mom, dad, dog and sitting with all of them on our couch watching endless hours of HBO on demand on my parents huge TV (a TV with 100% working sound, btw)
-In their kitchen, my parents keep cereal, and goods with which one may craft sandwiches, including avocados! These are all things Holly and I deem pretentious foods (because we generally cant afford them)
-Shopping at Nordstrom rack and finding a size 8 pair of shoes I wont have to fight Holly for (even though we will obvs share them anyways)
-Not getting in an argument about ice/figure skating/dancing

Cons:

-Not getting to see Holly's face light up when she enters King of Prussia Mall for the first time.
-My bed at home has no electric mattress pad and no Holly, thus is very cold.
-When I drink too many Stella's for one person neither Holly nor my brother will be there for me to blame the missing beer on.
-No girlpile, no roommates, and no making fun of Holly for being too-good at figure skating.

This weekend we will both have to keep insensitive jokes to ourselves. We will both have to be that awkward girl mixing plaids with sequins and shorts, alone, because that's somehow less of a crime when there's two of us. Handholding will need to be done with that of the opposite sex.

To add some sadness and flair to this post, Paige thought we include this killer video. We without a doubt, despite HBO lineup or consumption of Brooklyn Lager, will be looking at the moon this weekend, the same moon, and know we are thinking of each other. This is, obviously, an adorable Pro.

My younger sister Marena was OBSESSED with all things Fieval when we were young and she had a luxurious stuffed cat ironically named 'Fievel'. Just a fun Fievel fact.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

Fashion Week! ... I know, who are we kidding?

Holly and I don't often write about fashion, and thats not because we don't love it, we do, we totally love it. Each month we devour Vogue and W, we love style blogs and get WWD updates on our phones. But we don't often write about fashion because honestly, its kind of intimidating and this isn't a personal style blog, this is a blog where we try to make sense of our lives while simultaneously making fun of ourselves. It would also be a bit awkward to write our real-life "experience" with fashion because they usually involve us debating weather to pay our electric bill or indulge in purple, satin, beaded shorts from Forever 21 for $17.80 (....to share!).

That being said, we are coming to the end of the hard-to-ignore Fashion Week here in New York and we can't help but share some of our thoughts with you. Below you'll find each of our three top picks, as in things we felt really dumb fantasizing about because as of right now I LITERALLY have $4.80 in my bank account. The three things we'd like to share... because sharing is caring and whenever one of us buys something its usually a communal purchase anyways. And finally three things we think are funny, because lets face it, sometimes fashion can take itself a bit too seriously. HAPPY FALL 2010, BABIES!

PAIGE'S PICKS

I have most definintely embarassed myself attempting to pronounce Herve Leger before, but I finally have it down, and thank god! Because when I finally make my millions I'll be calling them up personally to size-up this baby for me. Green is my favorite color and unfortch, I couldn't share this with Holly because her mom told her she's not allowed to wear green. Sorry, H.

As Holly mentioned before, in my birthday post, I love to dress like "the women of 'Scarface'". I feel like this slouchy, be-sequined disco number is right up my alley. It is also true that I prefer my clothes just ever so slightly large on me and this Tibi dress looks like it would fit the bill. And gosh, do I love sequins.

Make no mistake, Paige Sullivan Tibbetts is an animal lover. I love to play with animals, save them from the pound, talk about them and pet them. But I'd be a liar if I said I didn't like wearing them. Marc Jacobs is also my dream husband (I know...) so this MJ silver fox fur-trimmed coat- ugh.

HOLLY'S PICKS

My go-to disco sequin one shoulder embellished--necklace-attached crotch length off the shoulder metallic dress. Because every girl needs one of those. Catherine Malandrino.

Sophie Thealet. So I have a dress to wear when my number 1 dress isn't exactly appropriate.

My current Goth Swan Lake princess dress is all worn out and I need a new one.

SHARING IS CARING

Shoe Share: One of the greatest things about Holly and my friendship is that we have roughly the same sized feet. Shoes are a a gal's biggest commodity and living together we get a total two-for-one deal. Were not sure if these are shoes or actually just legwarmers but they are dope. Happy to share.

Holly is the world's best coat share-er. Last year she bought a leapoard print coat (that I was originally against) at Forever 21 for, like $18. We've spent the last two years taking turns wearing it. Lets give he lep a break and snuggle into this Betsey Johnson barn-themed number. And lets not ignore that chicken bag... which probably contains a snack... that we would share.

Finally, and this will only work if Holly and I don't marry eachother, but we could totally see both of ourselves walking down the isle in this Rodarte jumper we'd repurpose as a wedding-romper. Minus the camel toe and smug/nauseous facial expression though, yeesh!

I MEAN....

FW Pics that made us chuckle

This is the perfect hat to wear when you are sitting in front of someone you don't like at a movie, play, boxing match and the like.

This is the perfect hat for Pirates and/or people who messed up their mascara right before they left the house and didn't have enough time to fix.

And this is our main man sporting a 'stashe we are against.

Forever your Girl,

Paige

The Maturity Index

Last weekend was filled with snow, love, red glitter, an extra weekend day, and a longing for each other. Maybe we were older because we spent most of the weekend 2 hours apart?

Friday:

-Holly scrambles about 4 bags plus a cake plus cheap champagne together so everyone can help her carry to the G train- age 12

-Everyone had adult-like appetizers at Holly's boyfriends house for his birthday-Age 29

-Holly and Kristy finish off the salami and put in a request for more- age 12

-Everyone sings "Happy Birthday" and gives boyfriend cake sorta kinda a little bit resembling Van Gogh's Starry Night-31
-At Holly's boyfriends house Paige gets pretty excited watching the "We Are The World" video, because she "really like Barbara Streisand, as a person"- Age 60

-At the Bk Bowl the girls check their coats and Paige threatens to start an old-school girl-fight with one of our mortal enemies who's in attendance- Age 14

-Paige and Holly want to have a picture taken of themselves wearing shorts and a strapless dress in February-Age 6

-So they fake-befried BK Bowl girls with interesting tattoos hanging out solo near the bathrooms to take their pic-Age 9

-"We are best friends! Besties! Best friends!" with "new friend" ensues- Age 9



-Paige and Holly decide excess tequila makes them tired so Holly whips out G-Mix, an energizer coffee spray that is probably dangerous and really gross- Age 19




Saturday:


-Holly makes mini grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast from leftover adultlike appetizers from night before and compares situations to Cher's character in the movie "Mermaids"- Age 13




-Holly and boyfriend exchange Valentine day gifts a day early and Holly gets tears of joy while receiving a Hayden Harnett dress and gives boyfriend a nice pan to make her meals with- Age 12

-Holly needs stuff so her hair doesn't look too religious, so decides to do the local thing and go in to a Polish beauty store in Greenpoint- Age 45

-Holly gets uneasy trying to decipher Polish beauty products as they contain letters and shapes and hair colors she has never seen and so goes to Rite Aid- Age 13 (FYI hair looks like 'Włosy')

-Holly makes trip Upstate and immediately whips out Cheddar Chex Mix, Whoppers, and Coconut M&M's for a 2 hour car ride-Age 12

-Holly didn't bring anything relevant for skiing for skiing trip so boyfriends family goes around finding ski gear that Holly puts on and models for everyone-Age 12

-Holly keeps ski gear on (goggles included) while watching Winter Olympics in the spirit of the Winter Olympics-Age 9

-Holly does a decent job meeting boyfriends family thanks to his tip to "not make too many of your weird jokes...you know the ones I mean"- Age 24


Sunday

-Paige wakes up at 8 and notices she fell asleep with her un-capped water bottle by her side and it has spilled all over her ELECTRIC mattress pad, feels grateful to be alive- No age, just, c'mon.

-Paige is too tired to get out of bed to talk to Kristy, who is in her own room 30 yards away, so she calls her cell phone, and the two carry on a 10 minute conversation about the night before- Age 15


-Paige makes Chrissy watch "Fast Times at Rigemont High", after 90 minutes of Jeff Spicoli, Chrissy says she understands where Paige cultivated the "type" of guy she dated in college- Age 18

-Paige meets her boyfriend in Chinatown for dinner at a Malaysian restaurant, the food is amazing but the restaurant is so cold that Paige complains the whole time, leaves her jacket on and demands that her boyfriend hand over his jacket as well- Age 8

-Paige falls asleep 12 minutes into "Club Paradise"- Age 6
Sunday:


-Paige and her boyfriend go to breakfast, do a gallery walk and take a Valentines day walk on the High Line- Age 32

-Paige and her boyfriend go home and build a LEGO replica of The Guggenheim- Age 10

-This leads to a few tiffs, accusations of withholding pieces, and several threats of ass-kicking- Age 13

-Paige buys her roommates Valentines day gifts- Age 24

-Each roommate gets a bottle of wine from Trader Joes- Age 27

-And a bottle of nail polish from Forever 21- Age 12

-Paige goes back to Brooklyn to get ready for Valentines dinner but instead gets caught up in drinking roommate-Valentine-wine and watching True Life: I'm Polyandrous- Age 18

-Paige and her boyfriend have a lovely Valentines dinner with much hand-holding and and an apology from Paige regarding the LEGO ass- kicking she promised- Age 26

-Holly complains and doesn't see point in waking up early to go skiing but wakes up early anyway and has brownie for breakfast-Age 12

-Despite claims that she is definitely going to break her leg skiing, Holly only falls twice the entire day, the worst of the two off the slopes while carrying in rented ski gear- Age 15


-Holly gives boyfriend's family homemade Valentine's made mostly of glue and glitter-Age 6

-Holly and boyfriend go to sushi dinner where Holly fails miserably at biting sushi in half and has spicy white fish hanging from her mouth for what is an uncomfortably long time until she needs to use her fingers to literally rip sushi from her mouth. Very romantic- Age 15

-Holly oddly declines after-dinner ice cream as its dark and late and she had lots of sake and keeps thinking she is in Headless Horseman territory- Age 12


Monday:

-Paige wakes up at 10, goes into the living room to watch TV, realizes something is wrong with the cable, has a small panic attack- Age 17

-Decides this means she should go to the gym- Age 25

-Paige goes to lunch with childhood BFF Em, where she meets Em's boyfriend for the first time, she's impressed with his European cheek- kiss greeting- Age 16

-Back in Brooklyn, the cable is working again. Paige pours herself a glass of wine and watches "Intervention".- No age, irony.

-Holly and boyfriend drive into "town" and go into the Co-op to have lunch where Holly tries to get her boyfriend to use the women's restroom and plays with the largest vat of organic peanut butter she has ever seen-Age 12

-Boyfriend takes Holly (finally) to the candy store where groups of small children come and go while Holly goes back and forth between rock candy flavors-Age 6

-Boyfriend takes Holly to bookstore where she brags about all of the Nancy Drew books she read growing up, while eating black licorice-Age 57

-Holly and Chrissy come home and arguments ensue over switching the channel between, "Intervention", "The Bachelor", and Figure Skating. (Holly's note: the pairs Freeskate was on, and the Russians, who have won the last 12 pairs Olympics, did not win, this happened while we were watching Kristen deal with her vodka "problem")-again, no age, because an agreement about what really should be watched was ever reached.



Crying in bookstores and love of Barbara Streisand didn't touch a weekend filled with glitter and Paige and I channeling Regina George in Mean Girls at the Brooklyn Bowl.
Next weekend: Paige goes home to Delaware to watch HBO with her mom and Holly stays in Brooklyn with the roommates and semi-functioning cable.

tequila!

Crush Confessions

spotted xoxo
How Else Would He Know That You Really Loved Him?

Besides clean sheets, a stack of my mom's Coastal Living magazine's (the closest actual Coast is probably in New Jersey, that Linda is such a dreamer!) next to my bed, and a guaranteed box of Cocoa Puffs , one of my favorite things about going home to Sauk Rapids, MN, is looking through my old diaries. Sure there are entries about my sister stealing my favorite bedazzled Bebe top or how my mom FINALLY let me get blonde streaks in my hair. But mostly I wrote about boys. Boys that I thought were cu-ute, boys with nice, swooshy hair, boys whose tire swing pushing abilities I admired, boys who admired the fact that I cheated at dodge ball. I told my diary about every detail of every crush, heartbreak, and rhinestoned shirt I ever had. It was my personal kiss and tell, except there was hardly ever any kissing.

This Valentine's Day, Paige and I are coming clean about some of our most intense grade school crushes. Although I would have preferred the apocalypse to having any of my crushes found out, now that I am twenty four and only have secret crushes on Angelika Theater ushers and a hopefully-straight waiter at Le Gamine, Paige and myself are ready to identify our all-time biggest crushes.

Holly:

Dear Patrick McGlynn,
Thank god for alphabetized lockers. Pat, you probably think I am such a weirdo. I was just overly cheerful and made weird jokes about our Irish heritage to cover up for the way your big brown eyes made me feel. You were so shy, sensitive, and would sometimes smile at my weird jokes if you weren't too busy rolling your eyes. Although it just seemed friendly when I would say (everyday for seven years), "Good mmooorrrrniingg Patrick McGlynn!", it was really a facade for "Pat McGlynn tell me your dirtiest secret."

oh you weren't into a girl who did this?

Dear James 'Jim' Kaveny,
You James Kaveny, made me weak in the knees. With your blonde crewcut and your Nike Foosball hoodie, and the way your would make Sister Therese Marie laugh in Spanish class, ugh. I worshipped the ground your Nike Jordan's walked on. You had tricep muscles as a 4th grader. I would play kickball at recess rather than jump roping, all just to be closer to you. Sigh. Loving you was easy like Sunday morning.

Dear Eric Erdman,

I know that kids in school would make fun of the fact the you were in drumline, and that we both know they made fun of your backbrace you had to wear all the time because you were always carrying a huge drum around. No worries. Maybe there's a secret metal rod somewhere in me and so I was literally and figuratively magnetized to you. Your dimples, your freckles, your letter jacket that didn't boast being the football captain but instead had a little drum on it. When I saw your drumming, it always felt like it was to the beat of my heart.

Mmm drumline

Paige:

Dear Zeeke,
I never knew your last name and at this point, I probably never will. Our love was torn apart because of the rules regarding staff dating country club members, it was like "Caddy Shack". The fact that I was 10 years old and you were probably in your mid-20s was probably also a factor, an issue of legality, but I want you to know my love for you was real. I'll never forget the time that you blew your whistle at me and shouted "NO RUNNING". Zeeke, I knew what you really meant. Or that time my Mom called the clubhouse looking for me and you walked over to me and Emily as we were braiding friendship bracelets and asked, "Are you Paige Tibbetts? Your moms on the phone", you didn't have to be so coy, Zeeke I felt the same way.

Paige writing in her diary in a tard

Dear Mathieu,
I loved the way you spell your name, the way the August sunlight would glint in your blonde hair as you strode across the grass, field hockey stick in hand. At first i thought it strange to meet such a hot dude who was so sick at field hockey, but you assured me, as my field hockey camp counselor, that mens field hockey is huge in South Africa. I learned so much from you in just the one week we spent together, you taught me about who I am, you taught me what "unrequited love" feels like and you taught me a new grip that added about 20 yards to my drive, and for all of those I thank you.


Dear Ryan,
You were our only co-worker at Island Water Sports that referred to Emily and I by our real names and not simply "jailbait". The day that you let me ride on the back of your jet-ski will go down in history as the most romantic, aquatic moment of my life, you told me to hold on... and I never wanted to let go. You drove one of those cool Jeeps and didn't even put the top on in the rain... I like my men dangerous and/or irresponsible. You also looked and acted exactly like Jeff Spicoli and at 29 years of age, some may say thats not a compliment but for me, checkered Vans will always be sexier than a suit. I may have been 14 years your junior but you always acted my age, I appreciated that. Where has our love gone, Ryan from Island Water Sports? Our love has taken flight on the wings of a Jersey Shore summer gone by, but I remember... I'll always remember

We also want to take this opportunity to thank all of our followers and commenters and invite you to join in on our fun. It felt good to finally let everyone know exactly how we felt about some of our all-time biggest crushes. We invite you to email fabulouslydirtpoor@gmail.com a description, along with the name, of a crush you want to let everyone know you had. So you were into the kid in middle school who brough squirrel meat for lunch? Let us know. You had the hots for your 5th grade bus driver along with his waist-length hair? Please, we want to hear about it. You secretly liked it when your best friends older brother hastled you about eating too many Doritos in one sitting? Oh do tell.

Thanks! We will post whatever we get around Valentine's Day.

Have a great Valentine's Day everyone! Maybe it be filled with love and chocolate, or love and chocolate and Lifetime and Phish Food and maybe some drunk texting.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly