Monday, July 27, 2009

Less Tooth, More Wisdom
When most people get their wisdom teeth taken out they are around the age, oh, sixteen. To rival my "slow development" in other areas, I got mine taken out yesterday at the ripe age of twenty-four.
For weeks I thought of this as a no biggie deal, as I have had fourteen cavities and so going to the dentist and getting gassed and Novocained has been a yearly regularity.
My boss , however, referred to getting my bottom left tooth pulled as "oral surgery". The word "surgery" just sounds so serious and dangerous, even deadly. This wisdom tooth ordeal was quickly becoming something to perspire about. My mother called and told me to call my Minnesota dentist to talk about the side effects of such a procedure , something about jaw nerve damage (of course the first thing I thought of was how this would effect my lovemaking skills before my speech skills) . Paige let me know that the chances of me not remembering anything right after this surgery were pretty good. My other roomie told me she had gone home in a WHEELCHAIR.
The day of my surgery I was nervous to say the least. I was told to eat a big breakfast beforehand, and since I couldn't remember the last time I had had breakfast I just at a large bag of Cheetos. When I arrived at 34Th Street Dental I told my surgeon, Dr. Marty Markowitz, my concerns, and that it would be best to up the nitric oxide in my laughing gas. He told me that whoever made me scared about getting my wisdom teeth pulled were not my friends. I told him that I therefore had no more friends. Wamp wamp wah.
After surgery, were I performed, according to Marty, "beautifully" (I feel like "beautiful" performers would be synchronized swimmers or strippers, not young ladies who just lay nicely with their mouths open), I was a little drugged and contemplated a quickie Forever 21 run, but decided to get ice cream and go home. I got the the B train where I sat next to a girl reading Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy. This girl was also wearing a velour track jacket. In pink. In July. Just saying. ..
So about 8 hours after my surgery, Paige and I both ate Thai food and ice cream, I took my painkillers with gusto, all while watching E!News clips of New Moon and The Real World Cancun simultaneously. This is after we watched the old 90210 on Soap Net where Jenny Garth's AIDS friend looked like our creative writing professor from college.

I may have a lost a tooth and some blood, but now, for some reason (possibly my "beautiful performance"), feel more prepared to go through childbirth, and at the very least, give some "so you are getting your wisdom tooth pulled" words of wisdom.

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