Monday, May 10, 2010

Maturity Index:

This week Holly jetted off to the Midwest and Paige rode bikes and wore Holly's flannel. Lets see how old that made them:

-After work Paige drinks the Margarita Holly left in the freezer from Wednesday (Cinco De Mayo) and watches The Real Housewives of New York while thinking about how tired the work week had made her- Age 35
-Paige, Sarah, Kristy and Chrissy paint their nails neon colors and listen to the Jay-Z Unplugged album and do a fashion show of each-others clothes.- Age 14
-Everyone rides bikes to a Mission Dolores, a new outdoor bar in Park Slope, all while sining Mary J's part in "Can't Knock the Hustle" and trying to high-five while cruising on heels- Age 19
-At Mission Dolores, the girls all order one drink and then chug water for the rest of the evening because everyone wants to be in good shape for the ride back- Age 29 (And the smartest, most mature move ever)
-After not meeting any cute boys, and not bothering to talk to anyone besides each other, the girls ride back. They contemplate getting tacos at Mayan Taqueria, but then remember how weird the owner was two weeks ago, so they head home and watch Sex and the City and eat "Mac N' Cheese by Chrissy".- Age 16

-Wakes up early to have half regular/half decaf coffee with her grandparents who reside in Omaha, NE-Age 60
-Holly goes to see her little sisters new Omaha estate-like apartment, which is half the price and triple the size of Holly and Paige's place. Her complex includes 3 pools, a gym, a movie theater, and probably a has a pony corral somewhere in there too. Holly attempts to appear unimpressed and points out that Biggie wasn't born in Omaha, he was born in BROOKLYN-Age 14
-Holly is decently-well behaved during Marina's graduation ceremony, only making a few cracks about the better-looking Dental School graduates and their "hand talents"-Age 24
-Holly says Marena looks like a "little bride" in front of Marena's new boyfriend-Age 16
-Later at Marena's graduation party, Holly and Marena sing and (mostly) dance to TLC's "Creep" while holding hands-Age 16

-Holly's parents take her back to the hotel where Holly finishes off a bag of Cheese Chex Mix and passes out-Age 21

-Its raining, so everyone sleeps till NOON- Age 16 (and gross)
-Everyone finally wakes up, gets dressed in biking gear (short dresses and booty shorts?) and preps by eating a breakfast of popsicles and listening to Madonna- Age 14
-Paige leads everyone on a new, streamlined route to the Red Hook Taco Trucks (which are finally in season!). The girls assess the trucks then settle on meals of shrimp, chicken, pork, and beef tacos, plantain and oaxaca cheese papusas, grilled corn with mayonnaise cotija cheese and chilli powder, and pina juice. Kristy has a Diet Coke- Age 23
-After the cultural feast, the girls bike (wrong way on a one way street) to DUMBO, get a strange, nervous man to take a picture of them ("only if Shanfeild leaves her helmet on!") and check out the hot dads pushing strollers around- Age 19
-After almost getting run-down while biking on Fulton Street, the girls finally collapse on the couch and find themselves watching "In Her Shoes" on FX, debate over whether Toni Collette was well-cast as Cameron Diaz's sister, all decide this is the weirdest thing we could be watching and switch to The Kardashians- Age 17
-Paige and Chrissy meet Steven at "the secret" Battery Park Movie theatre to see Iron Man Two. The trio eats a large bucket of popcorn before the previews start, Chrissy laughs uncomfortably loudly at a preview for an animated movie and after the movie Paige spends 10 minutes staring at the gum-ball machines, searching her purse for quarters- Age 13
-Paige, Chrissy and Steven enjoy a late dinner in the West Village and discuss topics like online dating, and adoption- Age 34

-Holly wakes up and goes to the hotel gym for about 12 minutes-Age 24
-Everyone is disappointed it's too cold to go to Omaha Zoo, so instead Holly and her mom go to the Lincoln Mall-Age 30
-where they shop for a button-up sweatsuit with embroidered butterflies for Holly's grandmother, a tiger-skin trench for Holly, and Linda buys a pair of "Not Your Daugher's Jeans" that Heidi Klum also owns-Age 40
-Holly, her 15-year old sister, and her dad have a relatively serious conversation about that Playmate Kendra's new sex scandal-Age 13
-Everyone reconvenes later for pizza and Marena wears her grad-cap throughout. Holly is jealous, and brings up the time she beat Marena in arm wrestling-Age 24
-Everyone watches Betty White on SNL and Holly is very uncomfortable sitting between her grandpa and dad during the NPR skit talking about Betty White's moist "muffin"-Age 16

-Paige wakes up early and has a nice chat with her mom on Mothers Day- Age 25
-Paige lays on the couch in her robe drinking tea and finishing Valley of the Dolls- Age 40
-Paige meets Chrissy, Sarah and Kristy at Ground Support and they rehash the weekend. Everyone teases Sarah for getting her makeup done at MAC on a sunday morning and Paige calls her "Kim Kardashi-Eyes"- Age 23
-Paige, Chrissy and Kristy "shop" at LF and Free People on Spring street, then SHOP at Forever 21 where Paige whines that she "didn't find a treasure"- Age 16
-Paige and Steven go out to dinner, purchase organic chocolate at Whole Foods to eat while they watch the Banksy documentary "Exit Through the Gift Shop"- Age 35

-Holly has a Starbuck's-laced heartfelt goodbye with her family, then has Marena drop her at the airport-Age 24
-Holly sleeps on the plane AND throws her trash away when the stewardess comes around instead of just hiding it in the seat pocket in front of her-Age 24
-Shawn picks Holly up from the airport and shows her the iPhone App he used to check her flight status-Age 40
-They watch "There Will be Blood" and eat Razzles until they need to spit them out because Razzles are pretty gross-Age 14
-Kristy and Chrissy come home and everyone chats about the weekend-Age 24
-Holly whines that she wants to eat her dinner on the couch while wearing sweatpants. Kristy is annoyed by the whining, so Shawn takes Holly Peter's and feeds her 1/2 a chicken to shut her up-Age 15
-Holly and Shawn finish the night eating at Tastee D-lite (Shawn got vanilla and Holly got Peanut Butter Moosemallow)-Age 14

22.8 this weekend

22.5 this weekend

Consuming fro-yo flavors named after animals is slightly less mature than consciously avoiding men that own taco joints, this gives Paige the edge on maturity this weekend.

Next weekend Paige's Mom and Kristy's whole fam are in town!

Forever Your Girls,
Paige and Holly

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