Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
-We meet after a long workweek and decide to get dinner- age 35
-Quickly realize that we are basically impoverished so we decide to have "something light" and be frugal- age 20
-Purchase dinner at CVS, “dinner” consists of: Cheddar Chex Mix, Cow Tails,Charleston Chews, and Cherry Pepsi- age 10
-We eat "dinner" quickly because we have tickets to the Theatre! Yay, culture!- Age 40
-The show we are going to see is called "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"- Age 23
-As we wait for our roommates to meet us outside the theatre we have kind-of heated political debate about gay marriage- Age 25
-We lighten the mood by applying bright red lipstick to each other- Age 14
-This gives way to a lipstick fight on 7th Ave.- Age 8
-Our other two roommates meet us and we, in our flannel and Frye boots, remark at how hot they look in short skirts and heels.- Age 23
-In the theatre we rejoice to find that our seats are together. Literally rejoice and high-five- Age 12
-We laugh our asses off at the campy humor of "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"-Age 20
-All the while sneaking candy back and forth to each other trying to not be too loud with the crunchy wrappers- Age 7
-At intermission use the playbill and our BlackBerrys to Facebook-stalk some of the hot actors from the play, just to make sure that inviting them to the bar afterwards would be fruitless- Age 18
-Look around and wonder if it's socially acceptable or appreciated to wink at male members in the audience of "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"- Age 25
-After the play we head over to a bar teaming with dudes still in their suits from work, suit dudes keep asking us if we are there for the "bank" party. No.- Age 19
-Realize we are entirely too sober for the scene and double fist Stella's.-Age 23
-Find it useless talking to decent-looking banker guy (with a bank party invite) who apparently has a French Chateau or something and instead talk to men wearing funny hats (funny not sexy)-Age 15
-Devise the best pick up lines to help our single girlfriends talk to suit dudes, come up with "Didn't we go to prom together? Lets make out."- Age 20
-It kind of works...-Age 18
-Call it an "early" night at 2am- Age 23
-We each do our "own thing" Saturday afternoon.
-Paige gets coffee and lunch at her boyfriends cafe and shops with Jess.- Age 25
-Holly goes to Peter Pan Bakery orders a strawberry sprinkled donut: Age 5
-Meet at home around 5pm and chit chat about our day and recap the night before- Age 24
-Turn on Lifetime- Age 33
-Get REALLY sucked into "Odd Girl Out" the story of "Nessa", a pre- teen who falls victim to "mean girls" at her school and is even driven to swallow a handful of pills, this story of middle school mean girls reminds us of those dark, dark days- Age 19
-But OMG the "Queen Bee" is totally played by Margaret Sterling from Mad Men! No age points, just another example of Lifetime being a star factory.
-The next Lifetime movie sucks so we watch Degrassi for an embarrassing amount of time. - Age 12
-Realize we are each going to be late for our fancy, adulty occasions- Age 30
-Paige finally scored impossible reservations of the Momofuku Ko
-Holly has a dinner party birthday where birthday girl's blinged-out mother will be in attendance.
-Drink wine as we get dressed- Age 25
-Its a $9 bottle- Age 22
-We finish it- Age 19
-We separately have a decidedly low-key Saturday night mostly devoted to food and adult-ish behavior.- Age 30
-Wake at leisurely, at late morning hours- Age 20
-Meet with roommates at Paige's boyfriends Cafe for coffee and lunch- Age 25
-Decide to go shopping- Age 23
-At Forever 21- Age 14
-Get tired, whiney and annoyed with the crowds on Broadway and decide to go home- Age 8
-Need to get snacks at Duane Reade first- Age 7
-Snacks: Doritos, Raisinettes, Soy Chips, Chex Mix, Candy Canes.- Age 6
-Take train back to Brooklyn while chatting about the Brooklyn Thanksgiving Dinner we are about to prepare- Age 30
-Wander our extremely disorganized Met grocery store searching for the "powder that makes mashed potatoes"- Age 20
-Go home to "rest" before cooking for our little family.- Age 50
-Holly goes to purchase wine ($9 for a “magnum” bottle) for our family dinner- Age 23
-Paige chips in for wine using quarters, a dime, and two $1 coins- Age 8
-Cheer and high five when we realize that "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger" (starring Tori Spelling)is on Lifetime- Age 34
-We all realize it's time to start preparing our assigned dishes:
-Holly makes crescent rolls with pesto: Age 20
-Kristy makes a delicious apple pie: Age 40
-Chrissy makes her sisters incredible green beans with balsamic reduction and goat cheese: Age 35
-Paige pours milk and water and potato powder into a bowl and makes "mashed potatoes": Age 14
-Holly's boyfriend brings over a rotisserie chicken (turkey), stuffing, mac n' cheese and cranberry sauce from Pete's in Williamsburg: Age 27
-We all get into costume! (Pilgrims and Indians): Age 7
-We Give Thanks!
-For each other (awww): Age 30
-For our food, home, jobs and families: Age 35
-For the 5 bottles of wine we have: Age 20
-For candy: Age 7
-We drink after each other these so giving thanks turns into some sort of appreciation-themed drinking game- Age 19
-We rave about all the food (even the "potatoes") and can't stop congratulating each other on pulling off our first Thanksgiving!- Age 24
-Holly's Boyfriend offers Thanksgiving fact that has something to do with John Adams or someone and we all get quiet- Age 12
-We clean the kitchen before desert: Age 35
-We realize we've had 5 bottles (2 of these are “magnums”) of wine before desert: Age 22
-We smother our delicious pie in a mound of aerosol Reddi Whip: Age 9
-We have an after-dinner game of Dominoes: Either Age 70 or Age 7 so...wash.
-We fight about iPod (Paige: Late 90’s Modest Mouse, Holly: Beyonce's “Single Ladies”) Age 14
-We get heavy eyelids, chalk it up to tryptophan and watch The Departed on FX: Age 43
-We lay in roommate pile on couch: Age 12
-We are extremely proud of each other, and ourselves we give each other big hugs and get ready for bed: Age 24
-Paige and Kristy butt-punch each other for good measure: Age 8
So after what they call “simple math” we’ve done our tally and found ourselves to have acted the average age of 21! Pretty nice! Only 3 years shy of our actual age, and when you take into account the candy consumption and butt-punching, we are actually pretty proud of ourselves.
We wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving and remember not to hate on fake mashed potatoes.
Forever your girls,
Friday, November 20, 2009
So it's Friday, there was no "Hump Day" post this week, and no other mid-week inspiration appeared on our precious blog. Nothing we thought of seemed super awesome, so I needed to find something more inspiring than CNN.com and the "New Moon" frenzy, so I called my kid sister, Marena.
Here are a few things you should know about Marena: she is in nursing school in Lincoln, NE, she has the world's greatest head of hair, and at family get-togethers such as Christenings, Easter brunches, weddings, and funerals, she can be found with with a beer in hand. Growing up my mother would say that if we fell on hard times, we could put Marena on a soap box with a hat in front of her, have her tell jokes, and we would all thrive from my humorous prodigy sibling. So not only could Marena run faster, jump higher, and was noticeably kinder to animals, she was also funnier. But it's not like I'm bitter or anything.
Marena is the genius behind the idea of wearing out a fanny pack to bars to better-facilitate double-fisting. This is no joke. Marena has been tagged in many Facebook pictures wearing her red Nebraska hoodies, aviators, a fannypack, and 2 beers, whilst posing in a campy-like manner.
So today I called Marena in hopes of some Natty-Ice fueled genius:
Marena answers the phone. Sorta. It's more like, "Ugghhhloo".
"Oh, sorry Rena, you sleeping?"
"What do you want?"
"No, nothing, I will call you back."
"Holly, come watch Erin Brokovitch with me under two blankets and a Snuggie and bring Jason Schwartzman." (note: to Marena's defense, last night she was drunk texting some guy and then FB stalked him later to see the gut-wrenching away status, "I got into Med school!").
"Holls. I made a PLD last night."
"A what? You made a potty? How so? Out of paper mache perhaps?"
"No. A PLD."
"I don't get it."
"A Poor Life Decision. A PLD. I got drunk and ate a taco two blocks away from where I was drinking."
"Alone? Just one taco? Are you sure it was two blocks?"
"No I wasn't alone I was with my friends, you dumbass."
This made me think. Yes, THIS CONVERSATION stimulated thinking.
The world has been graced with, thanks to textin' tweens and Blair Waldorf, the oft used acronyms OMG, and the more scandalous, OMFG. There if FML, and my favorite to say to Paige, FYL (Y is for "your", obvi). But PLD is catchy, non-offensive shorthand and Nebraska should be proud to have it.
In thinking about this new acronym I can't help but reminisce all of the PLD's I have made, oh and I'm sure Paige has a PLD or two or two thousand as well (both of our most recent birthday, er, celebrations come to mind).
Let's not forget that PLD's could happen to anyone. Look at Bill Clinton, or the previous President of the Selena Fan Club. Politicians, house wives, bankers and priests, everyone is entitled to their fair share of PLD's.
Marena, thanks for your inspiring words this morning (even though I had to hang up on you because as soon as you mentioned magical drinking boots that had anchor-shaped button I knew it was time to say goodbye).
Have a great weekend friends and our Moms!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Maturity Index: Weekend Recap
A bird's eye view of last weekend would show decently-behaved, non-violent, well-mannered young ladies. However, as is accessorizing or making really good spaghetti sauce, its the details that count.
Will Paige finally doing laundry make up for the fact that I tripped on the way to the gym while ogling an adorable shitsu? Will my responsible Saturday night at home make up for the fact that Georgia Rule (starring Lindsay Lohan and Jane Fonda) went over my head?
It was a weekend of sports, pubs, and all the Lifetime one can handle, which in our case, is an embarrassingly large amount.
This is last weekend's Maturity Index:
-Lost my wallet and starting crying until my mother said she would give me some $ -Age 12
-knew I was slightly taking advantage of my wonderful mother after she admitted to downing 2 bloody's- Age 15
Went out on the Upper East Side with the girls, umbrellas in hand- Age 32
-to a pub that was basically playing "Nelly's Greatest Hits"- Age 15
-Paige and I made up an extremely impromptu dance that was cute yet provocative- Age 17
-We did it over and over again to Country Grammar- Age 16
-it only took about 1/2 a beer to start making fun of everyone's "creative" facial hairstyles and coordinating Affliction t-shirts- Age 20
-We left and found nicest cabbie in the history of New York, who allowed 6 kids into cab and brought to West Village- Age 19
-Walked around sorta lost in rain until Paige got us to the pub, Fiddlesticks - Age 27
-Paige called it Fiddledicks -Age 13
-This bar felt like our freshman year of college at CofC- Age 19
-Because of high levels of fratasticness, low levels of buying our own drinks and the fact that the most stimulating conversation we had all night was with a John Mayer look-alike, regarding how much he looked like John Mayer (we really wish we had a picture of this dead ringer for so many different reasons)- Age 19
-Was forced to brunch in and walk around hipster park in leopard coat, moccasins, and necklace that resembles the one in Titanic- Age 20
-Paige finally did her laundry! Yippie! - Age 30
-Let's not get too excited, she had to do 4 loads because she went about 4 months of watching Degrassi and shopping my underwear drawer to avoid this domestic deed- Age 15
-We watched The Beach, starring Leonardo DiCaprio- Age 22
-We were all literally blushing at the scenes when Leonardo (at the ripe age of 16) is topless- Age 12
-Halfway through this movie we went to get "lunch" which included "healthy" chips, chocolate-covered pretzels, and a Hershey bar- Age 20
-After the exhausting task of watching The Beach, Paige and I kept in "theme" and watched Beaches- Age 56
-While Kristy and Chrissy watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop in Kristys room- Age 13
-I made some truly nasty remarks about Bette Midler's aesthetics mostly just to talk over Kristy and Chrissy's crazy laughter at Mr. Blart- Age 18
-Chrissy and I stayed in, watching Lifetime, watching commercials for anti-wrinkle anything, drinking wine, and hoping we would stay up late enough to watch SNL- Age 52
-Paige went to sophisticated birthday dins- Age 45
-Kristy babysat- Age 14
-We all (sans Kristy but plus two males) died laughing at January Jones pretending to ahem, pass gass, on SNL- Age 9 (although we kept saying how much Paige's mom would like that one and she is just over 40).
-Wake up and do gym-like things- Age 29
-We all head out to a sporting event! How jock-ish of us!- Age 33
-We boozed pretty hard before hand- Age 21
-We bought candy/snacks for train before boozing -Age 9
-Kristy and Chrissy needed ice cream during the soccer game- Age 5
-Paige took photos as as we saw the ice cream truck change locations and watched the girls quickly hurry to new location to ensure ice cream purchase- Age 8
-Had pretty sophisticated brewski's after the game at rooftop bar with the team and other fans-Age 28
-Kristy and Paige were basically wrestling in front of everyone at one point- Age 15
-Because of a BUTT-PUNCHING fight that Paige def started- Age 7
-Paige and I layed on the floor of the bar playing with a beautiful shitsu while sort of singing to it -Age 6
-This inspired us to teach my crush's bestie our cute/provocative dance we came up with Saturday night- Age 12
-The night ended with Paige and I walking hand-in-hand down Washington Ave declaring our love for one another, our deep understanding of each other's souls, and then spooned on the couch with the rest of the girls...fade scene - I feel like this could be any age so no years, just a lovely ending to a youthful weekend.
Despite floor pet-petting and John Mayer gossiping we still proved to be legal adults: Age 19.2.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Hump Day: Soccer Brutality at It's Best
We, Paige, Holly, and anyone else that lives in or enters our home do not watch sports. Should ESPN flicker into view we switch to anything else as quickly as one would while getting caught watching a dirty L Word episode and our dad walked in. That's the only rule: NO SPORTS. Deadliest Catch, Man vs. Food, infomercials, Wife Swap, Rich Bride Poor Bride are all okay, except Paige has issues with my not-so-secret love for Mythbusters.
So while watching the Kardashian wedding, talking about Gossip Girl threesomes, and mingling in Perez Hilton's website, we came across a clip from a New Mexico women's soccer game and an extreme exception was made.
This clip made us cringe, cover our eyes, and, admittedly, laugh. At first, one feels bad for all of the victims in this game. But after a while it doesn't seem that far off from the Bad Girl's Club or my favorite Mean Girls scene. We can't help but feel bad for this Elizabeth Lambert (can you imagine someone calling this girl 'Bethie'?) She will never be able to tell her kids to be "team players" or punish them for being "bad sports". Her mother is probably banging a frying pan against her head watching the footage. She is being called the most violent soccer player in history, and for a little hair-pulling? I looked up her profile on New Mexico's athletics page and found out this:
Born Elizabeth Ann Lambert on December 29, 1988 ... enjoys camping and surfing in her spare time ... favorite food is tacos ... is majoring in University Studies with a focus on Occupational Therapy.
I mean, she doesn't seem like anyone we would be BEST friends with, and we would have to watch out for wearing any sort of precocious ponytails. But we could definitely see ourselves enjoying tacos together, hearing about crazy nights she's had in Tijuana, drinking Corona's with lime, watching her put a girl in the ER after a bar fight...
So today's Hump Day goes out to all of you who are feeling bad about being...err...too violent? Or for any of our friends that are being punished for hair-pulling? Feel better about your lives, violent actions, and punching people in the back. At least you aren't Elizabeth Lambert. But if you were, then you would be the biggest bad ass that has ever graced the website of Perez Hilton, Lil Kim and Left Eye included.
Forever Your Girl,
P.S. An Honorable Hump Day Mention goes out to Paige S. Tibbetts, for having to listen to country music all day. Paige, I had to listen to country music every time I was in Kristy's car, at every high school dance/function/study hall, and I'm pretty sure Lone Star was playing while I had my first kiss...so this is isn't even that honorable. Boom.
Monday, November 9, 2009
After last weekend's debauched, face-painted and costumed behavior we made a concerted effort to take it easy and keep it classy this weekend. A girl can only drink so much Jumbie Rum out of a curly straw while wearing sparkle bows in her hair before she starts to question what the hell she's doing with her life. So, this weekend we only had red wine, and beer oh and Georgi Vodka mixed with Vitamin Water, so like I was saying... classy. Enough of that, onto our patent-pending Maturity Index where we see just how "old" we acted this past weekend.
-Reconvene on couch to watch Lifetime movie, DEVIL IN THE FLESH where Rose McGowan kills:
train- Age 19