We know we disappointed all of our followers and my sister yesterday with no Hump Day post. However, the most disappointed of all was us in ourselves. We apologize. We would like to say this will never happen again, but it definitely will. Since everyone is definitely so over Hump Day and is instead swapping Halloween costume tips with their coworkers ("oh yeah hot wax will for sure make those vampire teeth stay put," or "I don't know about lime green for Madonna, it's just more Cyndi Lauper, you understand").
So to get everyone even more excited for this kid-friendly and adult-friendlier holiday we want you to know you will get the coolest Halloween post of your life next week. We prom prom promise. What should you expect? Here are some of our Halloween predictions; let's see how right (or wrong) we are next week.
Tonight is my work Halloween party. Just a heads up this is exactly the same as our Christmas party last year (same amount of booze bought, same bar, same catering). Just this year our office "big boned" funny guy won't be the only one dressed up as a (kids cover your eyes) fictitious yet jolly character. This is what I can expect will go down:
-Bathroom bonding with female coworkers while we oggle over each others bejewelled devil ears and eyes roll as I put a giant bow in my hair
-my boss will buy me x amount of tequila
-I will get into a serious conversation with one or more coworkers about how much I love them (no really, YOU are so great).
-I will dance by myself
Tomorrow is our Halloween parade at work, which I didn't attend last year because I was already the only one on our floor dressed up (as Blair from "Gossip Girl", good excuse to be texting all day). Tomorrow night we are going to Paige's open bar work party in Meatpacking. This had an oyster bar last time...
-once all of the good candy that is put (per gratis) out on our floor is gone I will sneak to other floors in search of Three Musketeer-like candy
-I will dress up for work but will forgo the parade as I heard there will be a photographer and I am an awkward poser when I'm not with my sister, Marena (we are naturals together).
-At Paige's work party we will get overly-friendly with the bartenders, because they were so cute last time and because you get to know people better the more you spend time with them, and they are bartenders so...
-someone will lose their phone
-the party is over at 9, by which time we will be drunk and though we vowed to take the subway home, someone will pony up cash for a cab.
Saturday night we are pretty positive we are going to some "secret club" at The Rivington.
-We will wake up and drink semi-drinkable coffee and watch Degrassi
-somebody, probably Chrissy, will go to the gym
-We (by we I mean Kristy) will finish putting black spots on our costumes
-We will say, "let's take a nap after this hard day", and then sit on the couch watching Lifetime movies getting into considerable arguments over who done it, or if it's believable a girl would kill her mother to sleep with her stepfather.
Actual Lifetime Schedule that we will no doubt be watching:
Hannah and Benjamin (Lili Taylor and David Duchovny) are a happily married couple whose love is tested in ways they never could have imagined. When Hannah and their teenage daughter Samantha (Olivia Thirlby) are in a horrific car accident, the strong bond of husband and wife may be responsible for an unusual twist of fate that keeps their love alive -- at the expense of Samantha.
A jilted ex girlfriend has a plan in store for her ex beau who is coming back to their small town with his new love. For more on "Homecoming," click here.
A young college woman (Emily Blunt) gets a ride home for Christmas break with a stranger (Ashton Holmes) she meets from the college ride board. The two race to beat a winter storm, taking a shortcut through a remote area. They find themselves in snow bank and a mysterious vehicle has them in a terrible game of chicken.
We have already seen The Secret but will watch again because it's awesome (obviously, because in lifetime terms an "unusual twist" isn't a faulty prosthetic leg, it's more like Olivia and David Duchovny take it to the next level).
-Chrissy will actually nap while the intensity of Lifetime movies will actually make the rest of feel more lively (get it? Life time? Lively? No? That's okay).
-We will pregame for open bar
-Chrissy will dance with the most thuggish guy at the party
-No one will know what the hell our costumes are
-Kristy will fall asleep in the cab home
-Kristy will wake up the next day still dressed as a Dalmatian
Alright this is what we think will happen during the Halloween-spirited events. Course we will let you know how all of this really works out.
Have a happy and safe and wonderful Halloween!
Note that Chrissy and Paige carved this baby last night. Cheshire cat look alike tots. Those teeth!