Thursday, October 29, 2009

Maturity Index : Chrissy's Birthday

Growing up, my sister and I were allowed to have a birthday party every other year, as both of my parents claimed neither of them ever had a childhood birthday party so why should we get one every single year? This statement always led me to daydream about what my parents would have been doing on their birthdays, sans party. I always pictured my mother ironing Catholic school blouses wearing a tiara, while my dad was playing with his sister's dolls and masculinely wearing a cowboy hat. These depressing mental images led me to believe that a party every other year was a sweet deal.

However, after a birthday spent throwing up candy buttons and being in trouble for failing at being "nice" to everyone, I decided to give all of my birthday parties to my younger sister Marena, as we had all of the same friends and there was less pressure to be the perfect, gracious adolescent birthday hostess. Even in childhood I would rather forgo a truckload of presents to gleefully be the reigning limbo champ, year after year.

Unfortunately, at 24 years old (and after some "birthday shots"), my humble hostess skills I learned in childhood deteriorate more quickly than my limbo skills. This years birthday was absolutely no exception and that's all I'm going to say about that. (Paige's Note: Holly lost her phone and her dignity).

Myself aside (because it's not always about me right? Right.) last weekend we celebrated (9 days post-actual birthday) the 23rd birthday of our dear roommate and friend Chrissy. We would like to take this opportunity to hash out Chrissy's birthday events with our Maturity Index:

-Kristy, Paige, and myself all put money in to get Chrissy a gift- Age: 15
-We got her the Vanity Fair Proust Questionnaire Book- Age 38
-And a jewel toned "work out" jacket- Age 30
-And a Robert Pattinson wall calendar- Age 9

-Paige home-made Chrissy a delectable cake- Age 42
-With a vampire baby on it- Age 8
-The inside was dyed red to resemble blood- Age 11
-Before hand there were mass emails sent with ludicrous pictures of babies dressed as vampires- (We don't know anyone else who has ever done this at any age so it just gets the age we are at) Age 24

-We got decently dressy and were taken out for a gourmet meal by my parents- Age 26
-We drank a round of cocktails before my parents showed up- Age 21
-My Dad bought Chrissy a shot of...brandy- Age 70
-Everyone, my Dad included, acted very silly that this was a shot of Brandy and not a lemondrop- Age 21
- My Dad then asked Paige if she would like and aperitif and she said she didn't know what that was- Age 22
-We all had enough cocktails that at the end of the night we were spoon-feeding each other salted caramel ice cream and gave a standing ovation to the hipsters seated near us that played 'Happy Birthday' on an instrument that looked like a bottle of wine- Age 19
-When given her birthday vampire cake later, Chrissy sat on the floor with her head between her legs laughing/crying of excitement- Age 6

-Chrissy had a bunch of close friends and closer (roommates) friends all convene at a speakeasy type bar last Saturday night- Age 25
-We toasted the night with champagne! How classy!- Age 29
-by Champagne we mean Andre- Age 19
-Chrissy called ahead to reserve a table- Age 38
-The table was danced on later- Age 21
-Kristy thought the only guy in the bar wearing a backwards baseball cap was also the cutest guy in the bar- Age 14
-Paige played with a wand, Chrissy wore a tiara, I was a major lap-sitter, and Kristy fell asleep on the way home- Age 4
- Lots of screaming and yelling was involved when someone new showed up- Age 15

-We recovered the next day by shopping and coming home with...mood rings- Age 8

Do Proust, brandy, and table reservations make up for Twilight superstars, Andre, and table dancing?

It would appear so, as our Maturity Index reveals that we celebrate birthdays with the maturity of a 22.29 year old!

Note that on my 22nd birthday, in front of my ex-boyfriend, I let everyone all night know that I was single, and I somehow said "SIN-GUL" in two syllables to make it extra annoying.

Thanks to all of you who helped make Chrissy's birthday so freakin' great. We love her.
Yours Truly Forever,