Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hump Day Inspiration

At Least You Aren't The Parent of Any of These "Children"

I generally hate Halloween. For me it has always stood for things I don't like; the color orange, being afraid, wearing masks, children eating a crapload of candy and being even more obnoxious than they already are, being cold, crowds, I could go on. But between fretting about Halloween in general, and the WWIII that almost consumed our household while trying to decide on a cute-but-not-slutty-costume-idea-for-four-girls, I discovered something more frightful than any "Saw" movie and stumbled upon a group of people I feel even sorrier for than Tracy Anderson: the parents of the little girls who are dressing like mini-sluts for this cherished holiday.

Last week when Holly's parents were in town they took all out to dinner (how great!) and asked each of us what our favorite childhood costume was.
Holly's was Pippi Longstockings, Kristy's was a sock-hop attendee in a pink poodle skirt her mom made her, mine was a "china doll", sure it may have been slightly racially insensitive but at least my torso was covered, and Chrissy was a crayon for godsakes. Now, years later we all turned out to be functioning, well-adjusted adults with nary a horrifying aversion to candy or men. I hope someday the same can be said for these misguided little girls.

Not to be all "what is this world coming to", but seriously. What is up with these girls parents?

"Oh, Dakota! That pirate hooker costume is PRECIOUS! I love it, seriously I don't know why they woudln't let you wear that in the 3rd grade class parade today? It couldn't have anything to do with the crop top and abundance of fishnet."
"Tiffany! You look so cute in your 'Death Cheerleader' costume! I'm sorry about before when I poked your eye with my giant black eyeliner crayon, but I think we really did achieve the Beyonce 'single ladies' look we were going for! Okay, go make mommy proud!"

"Britney, I am so happy that you decided to dress as your namesake this year. Your snakeskin pants look a little big though, its so strange that they don't make snakeskin pants in smaller sizes, I'd love to get some for your toddler sister."

Ugh, maybe I'm just jealous because I couldn't pull something off that is this scandalous, or maybe because I have agreed to dress as Cadpig from 101 Dalmatians this year (thats right, I'm 23 and will be dressing as a cartoon DOG). But I think maybe I'm just sad because these girls are going to have a hard time turning into normal people if they are throwing all their aces in now. And by normal I mean this, obvioulsy...

Forever Your Girl,

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