Happy Holidays Everyone!

I am currently at my "job", yes as a Catholic on Christmas Eve, and will be leaving any minute to get on a flight to join my family on a cruise.

My family, because of the 15 inches of snow Minnesota recieved today, left yesterday, and are having fun sending me pictures of how much fun they are having.

No doubt they are jealous of the fact we got pizza for lunch as there was a 4 1/2 yr old at work today claiming it was her half birthday. J-E-A-L-O-U-S.

Also I miss you roomies. I miss you Paige.

See you next year all but my already chocolate family,

Holly

Maturity Index: Faux Birthdays and Fo Real Hanukkah

Last weekend Paige celebrated 2 fake birthdays and Holly attempted to win over her boyfriend's family at their Hanukkah party in New Jersey.

Friday:

-We threw Paige a faux party because she complains that everyone usually forgets or blows off her Birthday due to the proximity to Christmas and the fact that the birth of Jesus is more important than her birth , and she is jealous- Age 6

-Paige's best friends and boyfriend all meet at our house and everyone brings offerings of champagne and holiday cheer- Age 30

-We have a Taylor Swift sing along- Age 12

-dressed in faux silk dresses from Forever 21 drinking faux Crystal Light and Georgi vodka (do we see a theme? At least the vodka is real) Age-18

-Paige gets her birthday cake , homemade with her favorite animal, a Unicorn on it with a 3D horn and blue hair (mane) - Age 7

-We all take cabs to Brooklyn Bowl where we order fancy beers and continue our dance party- Age 21

-Holly coat-checks an oversize floral duffel bag that she drunk packed for the Hanukkah party-Age 19

-We spot Vinnie Chase ( Adrian Grenier) across the bar, giggle, push eachother toward him to introduce ourselves and eventually demand photo-ops- Age 16

-Roommate requests "Party in the USA" at the Brooklyn Bowl (they, shocker, do not play this)Age 7

-Some of us get sleepy and fall asleep on the couch- Age 5

-Awake people act out the song "Too Close" in a provocative manner, middle school dance-style- Age 12

Saturday:

-Paige wakes up and goes to the sketchy neighborhood diner with her boyfriend and one of our roommates for sketchy omelet hangover cures- Age 21

-Holly wakes up to get ready for their South Jersey road trip only to find she packed a slew of crotch-length satin dresses, a pair of open-toed shoes, pink Juicy sweatpants, and t-shirts in Christmas colors- Age 13

-Boyfriend drives Holly home to re-pack and get dressed for Hanukkah party and ends up putting on outfit that pathetically coordinates with boyfriend- age 13

- En route to Hanukkah party, Holly passes out "lunch" to everyone in the car which consists of Junior Mints and sour gummy worms-Age 9

-Holly ruins one batch of falafel, butcher's pronouncing "challah", and pretends not to know anything about the Kardashians as they are mentioned casually in conversation- Age 18

- Holly helps set table, clean latke plates, and ogle over oldest sister's wedding ring in front of boyfriend- Age 30

-Paige spends most of the day at home watching The Jersey Shore re re-runs, ends up decidedly dumber because of it- age 15

-Paige heads to Hells Kitchen for childhood best friends also Faux Birthday party (they were born on the same useless day of Dec. 27th), the classy soire takes place at her fancy buildings upstairs communal room, girls wear dresses and boys wear ties- Age 32

-There are red and green holiday Jell-o Shots- Age 19

-The party moves down to Tribeca to see an 80's cover band- Age 25

-On the way Paige starts a snowball fight- Age 12

-Everyone "battle dances" ala Jersey Shore, Paige pranks her bestie by leaving her besties phone number for the bartender, everyone sings along to songs from Dirty Dancing- Age 23

-On the way home Paige's cab gets caught in a snow drift and Paige has to push it out, feels really proud of herself- Age 32

Sunday:

-Paige and one of our roommates meet at Paige's boyfriend's coffee shop, they read the Sunday Times and drink tea- Age 50

-Snow Angels on SoHo sidewalks- Age 12-Paige spends the rest of the day reading on the couch at home and doesn't even check to see whats on Lifetime- Age 40 and STRANGE-Holly and boyfriend set home, Holly eating remaining Junior Mints, reading and re-reading about soup in NY Mag, and takes pics of her boyfriend sleeping- Age 40 and STRANGE

-Later, Paige stand over her suitcase and pouts about hating to pack- Age 9

-Until Holly tries to help with packing, "what about your sequin blazer? Your teal kimono? Your see-through teal blouse? Your skin-tight sequin dress? Oh, you wore that for Thanksgiving." Age 20

-Paige says a long good bye to the roommates, we share a long sad hug because we are about to be separated for the longest time in two years (last year Holly spent Christmas in Delaware with Paige's family) we promise to think of each other every day ("we will be looking at the same moon!")-

Age 13-Paige goes to her boyfriends house, they order delivery, exchange Christmas presents, watch a documentary about Japanese dolphin slaughter and go to bed at a reasonable hour- Age 35

-Holly and boyfriend order Thai, and join girlpile on couch watching Christmas Vacation which is still funny-Age 18

Napping to anything but Miley at Brooklyn Bowl, drunk packing hot pink terrycloth in an attempt to impress, and a sober packing sob fit make us...17.7 yrs. old. Apparently sketchily taking pictures of people sleeping and not watching Lifetime doesn't make up for unicorn-themed desserts.

We will continue our Maturity Index on January 4th, 2010. This will be after Paige's New Year with her baby bro in town, and Holly's New Year's in Aruba with her Minnesotan family.

Forever Your Girls,

Paige and Holly

Happy Birthday Paige!

Today may or may not be the birthday of Paige Sullivan Tibbetts, but who really cares? Not too dissimilar from the movie Bride Wars (which, remarkably, I never saw) Paige has always had a rough time squandering care and presents for her birthday because she was competing with Baby Jesus. And since Jesus, being a savior and also the holy spirit and all, is quite the competitor, we decided to throw Paige an early birthday.

To honor Paige and her day of birth, we want to share with you all a little personal information about Paige, whether she likes it or not.

What she is naming her first born regardless of sex: Charlie
Favorite Color: Gray and neon
Favorite drink: Gin, vodka, cheap champagne, Bud Heavy, whiskey, sometimes tequila, those extra large bottles of wine, PBR, and will drink whatever happens to be free or cheap and easy
Food dislikes: Pancakes, raisins
Food that makes her mind say "wow": Mustard, oyesters, lobster, Gobstoppers, and anything I put into her mouth (because it's me doing it, not because of the food)
Paige's outfits are inspired by (according to me): Taylor Dane, the ladies of Scarface, Richard Tyler, Gwen, and the person she didn't think she was when wanting platform Doc Martens

Other sporadical Paige facts: she has 2 laptops, she can wear interestingly textured bras under anything and make it look okay, she has a positive feeling towards ponchos, and has surprisingly impressive back flexibility.

Tibbaroo...my favorite neon and glitter girl! I hope this birthday feels better then the last and all your dreams come true, and I am deeply sorry that u have to share your birthday with someone holy...they are the hardest to compete with. A little 24 year old advice...I'm pretty sure that this is your last birthday before people start telling you that u need to get married and have babies and use your degree...so this is the year to fully enjoy your life without guilt! Party like its 1999...buy the expensive shoes (I'm pretty sure we can eat and pay rent when we are like 30)...let your parents pay for things, this is your year! Oh and best of all, we will be by your side the entire journey! All my love, Kristy

Paige.
Celebrate! Birthdays are happy smiley! It makes me a bit sad to think that I am now, once again, the youngest resident of Underhill. However, I am constantly reminded, whether it is by your maturity index or something else, that age is just a number. But while many may fear the getting older, I think you should embrace all that you’ve done and become in your 24 years. You’re incredible- let’s celebrate that!I’m so humbled by our friendship- to think that 5.5 (five point five!) years ago, on that fateful night of college orientation when we first met, we would end up here today! There is nothing I love more than drinking Andre out of glasses that cost 3 times what the bottle of wine did, browsing over engrish.com for completely inappropriate, yet tear-inducing literal translations from my motherland Asia, and sleeping in the fantasy suite (because the slave quarters tend to get too hot).
Times like these remind me that I’m so glad I didn’t skin you on Halloween and wear your fur. Although it would have been great for you to keep me warm on these frigid winter days, I would so much rather have your beating heart sitting next to me on the couch, eating some Thai, laughing at the amazing line-up of Thursday night TV, with your shoulder there for me to fall asleep on. What gives!
Happy 24th to my girl- I love you like my own sister,
C

Paige,

I love going to bed with you, waking up with you, talking with you, talking about you, and watching reality television with you. You are a wonderful friend, roommate, co-author, and are basically my sister and are wonderful in that respect as well.
I will tell you how I really feel tonight when we have toasted another year of your lovely life, and consumed some of your favorite Italian bubbly.
You deserve anything amazing that comes your way, because I know we both believe in karma, and you are amazing.

Your Friend/Roommate/Co-author/Basically Sister,
Holls

Paige,

We love you unconditionally, so don't worry about drinking too much tequila tonight.

Don't ever stop paying attention.

Forever Your Girls,

Holly, Kristy, and Chrissy

Hump Day: Holiday Edition

There are lots of unfortunate people that would help us get over this Wednesdays hump (which seems like a larger than usual hump btw). People who don't celebrate Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza, the siblings of the cute kids in the GAP Holiday commercial, people who, because of their height, are getting paid minimum wage to wear an awful shade of green and work alongside "Santa" at the mall, the snowflakes/Rat King/party guests in The Nutcracker, who, once again, didn't make it to Sugar Plum Fairy Status.

However this week's Humpday helper transcends all: Santa. No no no. Not Virginia's Santa, or Homer Simpson Santa, or Kris Kringle Santa. We mean (please have children under, er, 11 cover their ears) our parents (mothers) posing as Santa.

This has to be the hardest job ever. Both of our mother's are perfectionists, and both sorta slacked in areas when it came to filling this mythical role. One year, my mother used the SAME WRAPPING PAPER that was used for our family. In the same handwriting. In our old house we didn't have a fireplace and were told that Santa came in through the air-conditioning system. Really? This is the same perfect mother that never missed a square inch of skin with sunscreen and singlehandedly got the nuns at my grade school to let little girls be Kings and Sheppards in the Christmas pageant.

Though Paige and her family are obsessed with tradition (ie: still put out cookies, still read "The Night Before Christmas", still get matching christmas jammies from "Mrs. Clause", and STILL tie a rope across the upstairs staircase to ensure that Paige and her 21 year old brother don't sneak down to see presents before they've been given the go-ahead) Santa Tibbetts still did a lackluster job of hiding a ping-pong table one fatefull year and the house of cards crumbled. (Paige's note: but besides that my parents never ever let on and each year Santa seriously hooked me up in ways that were so genius I really thought he "knew when I was sleeping and knew when i was awake", it was almost frightening).

That said, being "Santa" must be a hard job. So we are lucky to not have a five-year old of our own ( for lots of reasons) so that we don't have to get up in the middle of the night and put a gift that will make or break Christmas beneath the catologue-worthy tree. We don't have to wait in line with the kids, waiting to see Santa, when you know perfectly well whatever it is they tell Santa will change by the time you get home. No secretive toy shopping, gift wrapping, stocking stuffing.
We, as non-believers, can now open our gifts, marked in our mother's perfect handwriting, "From: Santa" and know that this magical miraculous man is actually our far more magical and all-knowing mother.
Thanks to our mothers, because without you, there would be no Santa.

And sorry, again, to Mom's whose children are thanking an obese, balding man for all of your hard work. Trust us, you'll get thanked one day.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

A Christmas Letter From Brooklyn

Maturity Index: Christmas Parties

Its no secret that the two of us are obsessed with Holidays. We plan Halloween costumes in March, leave Christmas lights up year round, and force our roommates and boyfriends to partake in our annual Valentines day party where we pull out the trusty craft bucket, drink reddish adult beverages, dress completely in red and pink and spend an entire evening making cards for even the most obscure recipients ("Carlos the garbage man! Our Hasidic landlords!") . We look forward to celebrating holidays as much as we look forward to televised awards shows (which we also count as holidays). That’s why this past weekend was the ULTIMATE . We kicked off with an open bar party, courtesy of The L Magazine , and wrapped-up with baking and gift giving. Let us now turn to our patented Maturity Index to see just how old we behaved this weekend.

FRIDAY:

-Paige and her coworkers kicked off the festivities at around 3pm at The L Magazine office. Drinking beer, eating pizza and doing the Secret Santa exchange. – Age 23

-Paige didn’t understand the secret santa rules and failed to properly label her gift- Age 12

-Which was a Forever 21 bag containing a handle of Alexi Vodka and a tiny carton of OJ for screwdriver-making- Age 19

- Holly and roommates (all in cocktail attire, one with a Ace bandaged knee as an "accessory") arrive 5 minutes early to open bar and are literally the first ones with drinks at Paige's office party- Age 18

-Find a place to sit by the dance floor because our roommate Kristy (Tiny Tim) has a busted knee and is sandwiched between friends and boyfriends and friends of boyfriends -Age 25

-Literally scream and jump out of our seats , as everyone else scratches their heads and takes a seat, when the DJ plays Miley Cyrus' “Party in the USA” – Age 9

-Stand on our seats and dance- Age 18

-We both dance so hard at one point we fall on the ground , taking a close friend down with us who winds up with a broken finger - Age 19

SATURDAY:

-Wake up with bruises and sore legs from “over doing it” at the Christmas party- Age 20

-Separately go Christmas shopping:

-Paige learns to never go into Crate & Barrel at 10am with a hangover- Age 25

- Holly had drunkenly promised boyfriend night before would spend the with him. Instead, she woke up at 9 am and immediately left to go Chrismakkah shopping- Age 16

-came home 6 hours later with a gift for someone else, 2 gifts for herself, and chocolate-covered Goldfish for roommates-Age 14

-Experiment with the “Bump-It” that Holly finally bought after lusting over it for months due to the incredibly convincing infomertial that always plays during Degrassi- Age 12

-Watch our Netflicks-rented copy of Paper Heart and drink red wine - Age 25

-Separately go meet our boyfriends.

-Paige buys her boyfriend oreos and grape-flavored selter, which he oddly believes will help cure his sinuses- no age, that’s just strange.

-They watch “Kicking and Screaming” (Noah Baumbach's not Will Ferrell's).- Age 30 (for 90s nostalgia)

-Holly goes to Turkeys Nest to meet her boyfriend his bestie with "surprises"-Age 19

-Surprises include Peppermint Tootsie Pops, a picture of Holly fake crying, and a large duffel bag so she can bring home a large leopard skin coat that has been dominating his closet for too long- again, no age, just a an interesting combo

SUNDAY:

-We get really excited about the fact that we can use the crappy weather as an excuse to stay in sweatpants in a girlpile all day- Age 17

-Our TV line-up is erratic:

-“Mr. Deeds”- Age 13 (sex: male)

-“Jersey Shore”- Age 19 and AWSOME/AWFUL

-“Holiday in Handcuffs”- Age 14 ( a disturbing ABC Family Original starring Melissa Joan Heart and Mario Lopez)

-We decide it is officially time to begin our Roommate Christmas Party- Age 23

-We put on (as Holly calls it) “the most critically acclaimed Christmas album OF ALL TIME”: Charlie Brown Christmas- Age 40

-We make Rice Krispie Treats- Age 10

-We make gourmet “bark” from melted chocolate, assorted nuts and craisins- Age 30

-We dip pretzels in white chocolate- Age 15

-We make icing from scratch!- Age 35

-We cut dough into the shapes of: snowmen, hearts, screwed up stars, demented angels, sorry excuses for menorahs, puppies and baby Jesus’- Age 9

- Roomie gift exchange which includes something snakeskin, something from Tiffany's, retro champagne glasses (and pink champagne that cost over $4!), and something with iron-on initials: we'd say this averages to age 23

-Before bed we all watch VH1's hard-hitting "Tough Love", which tackled racism, body issues and how to get a man to love you! So, now we know!- Age 18

Our average age last weekend: 21. Which makes sense. We loved being 21, just as much as we love open bar parties, Miley Cyrus, and things covered in white chocolate.

Next week: Paige's faux birthday, a Christmas party with an 80's cover band, and Hanukkah in N.J.

Forever Your Girls,

Paige and Hollyn

UPDATE: THESE JUST IN

Hump Day Inspiration:

Tiger's Over-Looked Skanks..

We didn't want to, but we kind of had to write about this, no?

Skanks are everywhere. Look around you, you most likely have a co-worker, roommate or friend who is a skank and, odds as they are, there's a good chance this person has had "transsgressions" with Tiger Woods. You know those celebrity love triangles that shows how Ryan Seacrest is convulutedly related to Reba McIntire? We think it would be easier for anyone on planet Earth to be romantically linked to Tiger.

Look, we understand that infidelity is no laughing matter and there are so many people who've been wounded by Tiger. His beautiful wife, his children, his family, his fans, and especially his sponsors. Its hard to decide who to feel sorriest for! But Holly and my hearts really, truly go out to... the skanks that did not catch the Eye of (the)Tiger.

Lets face it, Tigs was all over the place, not only was he into the requisite blonde, the big boobed Vegas club girl, he had a soft spot for the "guidette New Jersey Shore" type, and he was also into homely, Perkins waitresses. Basically it could have been anyone...

For instance, here is a picture of Tiger's Perkins waitress, if she is good enough....

...then why not her... She looks nice!

And if this, fun lovin' Vegas party girl was hot enough to get down with Tiger...

...then why not this 'ol gal? She looks like a blast!

What we are trying to say is that we feel terrible for all parties involved, (besides Tiger, because as it turns out, he's kind of an enormous jerk, oh and our hearts aren't exactly bleeding for the home-wrecking skanks either) but we feel extra bad for the Vegas party girl standing next to the one that got to hook up with Tiger then sell her story for tons of cash, we feel bad for the Perkins waitress who was assigned to the table next to Tigers, missed opportunity stings.

Holly would also like to stress that she LOVES Perkin's, particularly the one in Sauk Rapids MN, that serves blueberry pancakes smotherd in butter and love.

Forever your un-skanky girl,

Paige