HUMPDAY:

At Least You aren't US, In the Wake of James Franco Rumors

Forever and ever and ever no matter what...

So, just on the heels of our excitement about "Howl", and our other "Humpday" post about how it sucks to be any dude that ISN'T James Franco we've been dealt a serious blow. Could it be?! Could it be that Holly and my chances with him are about to become even SLIMMER? In the sage-like words of Lo Bosworth, "there's been talk...".

What we wouldn't give to gossip with Lo while watching Audrina eat something...

Daily Intel (aka the gods honest truth) is speculating that the love of our collective lives, our dream man, our body pillow, our holy grail James Franco could be gay.

Could it be?

Don't get us wrong, Holly and I love the gays and their Christmas pageants, and their literature and fashion and all the other wonderful things us straight people borrow from them, but this just doesn't seem fair. I mean, all the hot guys in New York are gay already, do they really need <3james<3>

Ricky with his babies (they got jipped on the skin tone gene)

This sucks. Last year, Holly and I made a "vision board" with all the things we wanted for our lives (this is from the book "The Secret", or something, I think Holly saw it on Oprah). On our vision board we put pictures of:

-a cute puppy (of course)

-two girls (a blond and a brunette) sunning themselves in matching gingham, french-cut bikinis (because we imagine ourselves with a lot of vacation time, and asses that look good in french cut bikinis)

-pictures of books (that we plan to write)

-a picture of Amy Sedaris holding a bunny (because, obviously)

-pictures of Loubuittons (our planned first purchase with our money from the books we'll write)

-a picture of the Eiffel tower (because we're going to take our moms to Paris with all our money)

-a receipt from Olive Garden (because their food is really good)

-BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY there were a ton of pictures of James Franco on there with glittery hearts around his head and script like "James and Holly and Paige Forever"

So, alas, it looks like our vision may never fully materialize if these tragic rumors are true, so we'd like to dedicate this Humpday to ourselves.

Today, be glad you aren't Paige Tibbetts or Holly McManus, sad little girls in gingham bikinis and Louboutins walking their dogs in Paris with their mothers, in search of some decent "Italian" from Olive Garden, and their one true love, James Franco.

So we want to be like this, but on a beach in bikinis in fancy shoes and fancier dogs too.

Forever your Girl,

Paige

PS- James, if you do decide to come out we still love you and fully

support you!

PPS- HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO YALLLLLLLL.

Maturity Index:

The Long Long Weekend

Long weekend, longer Maturity Index. Duh.

Friday:
Paige:
-Post-work drinks drinks with co-workers to say goodbye to our beloved assistant publisher- Age 27
-Most of those drinks were Screwdrivers- Age 15
-Hug my departing coworker and cry a little bit, then show up to fancy dinner with boyfriend 15 minutes late and slightly buzzed- Age 18
-Eat tons of sea urchin (my favorite food)- Age 25
Holly:
-after work wine/Chex Mix/boyfriend combo-Age 23
-watches non-narrative, no-plot film Baraka- Age 50
-and OBVIOUSLY falls asleep watching coal miner/bathing Japanese yakuza mobster comparison-Age 9

Saturday:
-Roommates prepare for a day at the spa but Paige and Chrissy stop at Golden Crust for Jerk Chicken patties- Age 18
-In midst of G train shuttle chaos Holly takes cab from Greenpoint to Fort Greene- Age 18
-In midst of G train shuttle chaos Holly stops at Peter Pan bakery to buy doughnut gift for roommate spa day- age 9
-Roommates all meet at Body By Brooklyn spa for a day of hydrotherapy and relaxation- Age 37 (and fancy!)
-We spend a very relaxing afternoon in various saunas, steam rooms and hot tubs but we are all too chicken to fully immerse ourselves in the 40 degree "arctic plunge pool"- Age 13
-We are offered a "treatment" that involves a "Russian beating with oak leaves" from a sweating shirtless Russian man in a weird hat, we decline- no age, just probably a good move.
-We stop by the fancy grocery store on our way home, can't find anything we want (we want candy and soda that will shorten our lives) so we go hit up our neighborhood Met instead and get Gobstoppers and Turkey Pepperoni- Age 16
-We girlpile and watch an incredibly disturbing movie on Lifetime about Kevin Bacon kidnapping Charliz Theron's child, we get really into it and muse about how horrible it would be to be a mom and have your child taken, especially if your child was Dakota Fanning who is adorable- Age 35
-We make an iPod mix involving lots of Ke$ha and get ready to meet our friends at Brooklyn Bowl- Age 21
-At Brooklyn Bowl we steal margaritas from someone's birthday party table, dirty dance with each other keep bothering the DJ with annoying requests- Age 15 (note: The DJ's there supposedly don't have Ke$ha)
-The night ends with some serious discussions about life that get a little depressing- Age 40

Sunday:
-We head up to the 92nd St. Y for the Lecture on Women in Literature with Joyce Carol Oates. (Holly's boyfriend got us tickets for Christmas)- Age 65, which was literally the average age of the attendees.

Is that Madonna? No, it's Joyce Carol Oates!













-We are both wearing bad-girl shoes, leopard-print clothing, and shiny accessories among a sea of turtlenecks and tribal-jewelry necklaces of other Y attendees- Age 20
-We whimper and squeeze each others hands when she (JCO!) comes out to the podium, as she is basically our Madonna-Age 14
-Notice that Michael Showalter is there which Paige get's awkward about because she got totally denied while trying to buy him a drink once-Age 21

Micheal Showalter...doesn't drink. (or so he told Paige)




-Afterwards we stand in line to get her to sign our books, we sweat nervously as we try to figure out what to say to her and finally settle on something like "Hi, we love you, we want to be writers", to which she says "Good luck" and pats (and kind of pushes-away) Paige on her elbow, we walk away with Paige shouting "She TOUCHED me!"- Age 12
-We prepare a very interesting menu for our friends who are about to come over to watch the Golden Globes:
-Pork Tacos- Age 27
-Edamame- Age 33
-Pancakes, with chocolate chips, honey roasted cashews, coconut shreds and Reddi-Whip- Age 12
-Sourpatch Kids and Gobstoppers- Age 7
-Sugar cookies with cake frosting- Age 6

-We laugh at all the drunk actors giving acceptance speeches, we also have stomach aches- Age 24
-The apartment is really cold so we both go to sleep in Paige's heated bed while making jokes of what kind of sandwiches we are toasting away in bed- Age 8
Monday:
-Wake up early, make coffee, clean the apt, go to the gym- Age 30
-Engage in our MLK Holiday tradition of having a endless soup, salad, and bread "Power Lunch" at Olive Garden... in Times Square. We do this to be ironic (right?)- Age 24

-Fully intend on stealing some "free" soup because it would be funny, and delicious, but we are placed in the center of the dining room- Age 14
-Successfully steal some breadsticks- Age 14

-Holly buys pricey cheese, chicken, basil, grapes, and different colored squash thinking she will make a family dinner with it- Age 14
-Holly and roommates watch "The Hot Chick" while boyfriend cooks and makes sense of non-sensical food purchase-Age 17 (note: Rachel McAddams plays "the hot chick" before she turns into Rob Schneider")




Stealing margaritas! Stealing carbs! Rob Schneider stealing Rachel McAddams body! Stealing an awkward glance at Michael Showalter! We had a great weekend, probably because our average age was 21.1 years. Next weekend Holly goes to the ballet and Paige has a friend in town.

Forever Your Girls,

Paige and Hollyn