Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Maturity Index:

Well we've finally gone and done it. We have successfully planned, paid for and executed an all-girls out-of-town trip! Thats adult right? Thats a mature, normal, adult thing to do, get your girlfriends together and take a trip together, very mature! Does it still count as mature if you use the hotel ice bucket to chill string cheese and Yoo-hoo? Can we still count ourselves among adult ladies if we were "Shamoo-ing" each-other in the pool, screaming Juistin Bieber songs in the "sick" marble shower and sleeping 8 to a room? Maybe. We'll just have to take a peek at our world famous Maturity Index to see where we ended up after heading to AC to celebrate the b-days of Holly, Kristy and Sarah!


-Holly leaves work with a tumbler of Double Cross vodka and wanders around Williamsburg sipping and waiting for the girls-Age 21
-Holly thinks she sees their gorgeous neighbor but is actually Ed Westwick right outside Berry Park, Holly starts frantically texting everyone she has ever met about celeb sighting-Age 12
-Everyone, roommates, Shawn, Marena and her bestie that is in town, get deluxe beers and share a rooftop table with a 2 people on casual date-Age 24
-Everyone starts loudly talking about intimate text messages and then realizes they are arm’s length from 2 people on a casual date, all parties involved are embarrassed -Age 16
-A beautiful cake is unveiled featuring Shawn eating a sausage made out of Gobstoppers-Age 15 (readers note: Holly’s boyfriend Shawn famously loves to make and consume gourmet sausage, but who doesn’t?)

-Holly is given beautiful jewels as gifts, cake is eaten, and it is established that the "Soup Nazi" isn't, in fact, real-Age 24
-All head on over to the Biergarden because Holly thinks her Nebraskan guests will find it super cool-Age 24
-Biers, sausages, pretzels are all consumed, next, naturally a decently-friendly arm wrestling competition begins-Age 15
-Shawn informs everyone that the bier mugs can be “cheered” against each other super hard and will never break-Age 21
-Paige and Marena's bestie test this theory, prove it untrue, have to pick up pieces of glass out of the laps of their neighbors- Age 20
-Half of the group gets tired/drunk and call it a night while the Nebraskan guests, Holly and Shawn all decide to take their bar crawl to The Turkeys Nest-Age 24
-There, Shawn is proud of the $10 for 4 beers, and everyone plays a lousy game of Buckhunter and are introduced to a Philedelphian who invented a non-spill chip’n’dip bowl-Age 24 (Readers note: The bowl goes up to an angle at one side, therefore dip is scooped and not spilled. Whatever.)
-The Nebraska guests and Holly bid farewell to Shawn and cab it home-Age 24

-Paige wakes everyone up at 6:40, everyone gets up and the trip follows suit punctuality-wise-Age 47
-On the A train we make Marena's bestie sit net to the grim reaper, just to give her an authentic taste of the NYC subway system-No age just this basically looks fake but it’s totally real
-On the bus, Paige spits up her rancid-tasting YooHoo, Holly tries it just to make sure and the YooHoo was indeed insanely rancid-Age 9
-Everyone enjoys snacks of string cheese, Blow Pops and chips. Paige threatens to put gum in Kristy's hair if she stops singing Justin Beiber songs- Age 12

-Girls finally get to the Majestic Harrah's in Atlantic City. Immediately head to the pool, and start ordering Shake’n’Take Long Island Ice Teas-Age 21 (Reader’s note: A Shake’n’Take is martini tumbler filled with booze that one get’s to keep!)
-The Long Island’s get everyone in a silly mood and some serious “horsing around” takes place at the pool:

-Head-dunking- 8
-Pulling down eachother’s suit tops-Age 14
-Underwater handstands/flips/horsing around –Age 14
-General vocal adoration for eachother-Age 9
-Piggybacks where the "pig" is actually more of a water mammal, so a "whaley-back"-Age 6

-A Sanjia doppelganger awkwardly blows his lifeguard whistle which really doesn’t help the horsing around situation-Age 15 (Because who listens to a lifeguard after the age of 14?)
-Everyone finally gets to the room and a good 20 minutes of drunken bedjumping, pillow fighting, dancing, and listening to Justin Bieber’s hit “Baby, Baby”- Age 12

-Chrissy’s parents comp the girls 2 cheeseburgers, chicken fingers, mozzerela sticks, quesadillas, and 2 bottles of champagne, all is insanely delicious and eaten in a drunken matter within 20 minutes-Age 24

-The remaining "important items" are chilled in the ice bucket- Age 17
-All the girls get “decked out” (Paige even employs a "Snookie Pouf") and head to hit the casino-Age 24
-Paige, Emily, Kristy, Chrissy and Sarah decide to "shake things up" and take a cab to the "swankier" Borgatta- Age 19
-After hearing that the Kings of Leon are playing a concert there, Paige is convinced the five girls would have no problem getting backstage, "no problem at all!" She has Emily Google the first names of the band members, commits them to memory and thinks everyone should just roll up and be like "I'm Caleb's mistress, so lets make this quick and just let me backstage"- Age 20
-After seeing the mean, scary old ladies (who we named Gretchen and Fran) who were guarding the backstage area the plan seemed less doable, dejected Paige walks past the bar and picks up a glass of Riesling someone had abandoned- Age 16
-Back at Harrah's Holly stays with Marena and Kelsey, they all make friends with all the old men at the $15 blackjack table and the cocktail waitresses and lifetime friendships are born-Age 24
-Paige and the girls join, and Paige makes lifetime friendships with the wives of the old men playing black jack- Age 59
-Eventually this proves too exhausting for Paige who retires to her room, calls her mom and curls up under the covers around 1030pm- Age 9
-All the girls get their act together by taking shots, dancing to Celine Dion, drinking Redbull, dancing to Justin Bieber (again) and dancing provocatively to get geared up for the pool party-Age 24 (Well Celine Dion and Justin Bieber cancel each other out so wash)
-The line of Guido/Guidettes to go to the pool party is as long as the line was to see Justin Bieber on The Today Show so everyone decides to head to another club-Age 24
-The girls stumble around the Tropicana innocently observing another level of New Jerseyness, Holly pouts about passing up a lounge playing who else but Celine Dion-Age 42
-The girls hear the sounds of fistpumping and find themselves in karaoke lounge filled with bachelorette parties and crackheads-No age, we just want everyone to get an idea of this place
-Marena buys a round and gets Kelsey on the list to sing ‘Shoop’-Age 18
-Holly is slightly irritated that everyone has to wait around at The Rose Lounge for Kelsey to sing because the crackheads keep speaking too close to her face offering to buy her cosmos-again no age, just a little FYI
-The attractive DJ starts playing a clubby version of “Hey Baby” and Holly decided The Rose Lounge is the place to be and everyone dances with bachelorettes and crackheads alike-there is NO AGE for this kind of thing
-The DJ announces that Kelly (Kelsey) will be singing Shoop and the one rule is that "no one is allowed to fall in love with her", Kelsey then raps flawlessly and dances awesomely to the 90’s hit-Most people can’t do this at any age, so no age
-The girls finally leave The Rose Lounge and take a Jersey Shore shot outside the club-Age 20
-Everyone, after deciding its too dangerous to walk the boardwalk in AC at 3am, decides to cab it home-Age 24
-Kristys buys 10 pretzels for $4 and people eventually pass out on all surfaces of the hotel room-Age 24

-Its Holly's 25th Birthday!!!- Age 25
-Paige does that thing where she breathes heavily and jangles her bracelets so that her sleep-mates wake up- Age 11
-Paige awkwardly approaches everyone and asks about all the fun times she missed while she was slumbering. Feels sad for missing one of her besties birthdays- Age 15
-By 9am everyone lays by the pool and recaps, drinks coffee and sneaks bagels while reading Harpers Bazzare- Age 45
-With plenty of time before checkout the girls return to the room, thoroughly (as possible) clean, stack the towels, make sure nothing was left behind, and tip the maid- Age 50
-Are TRULY astonished that we pulled this off... Keep reminding ourselves how truly incredible it is that no one even lost their phone! Or spilled champagne on it! Or dropped their cameras in the pool!- Age 17
-Hollys one true Birthday wish comes true, everyone agrees to eat at the Applebee's in "downtown" Atlantic City- Age 13

-Everyone falls deeply in love with our waiter Daryl who kindly brings Marena her Bud Light and tomato juice, and reassures Sarah that "Yes that diet pepsi is 'bottomless'"- Age 16
-Not yet content to head to the train station, Holly, Kristy, Marena and her bff head to the H&M across from Applebee's because "its nicer than the ones in New York"- Age 15
-Shocking themselves, once again, everyone made it onto the train in time and sat quietly, reading or napping- Age 35
-Except for Kristy who was loudly giggling with her boyfriend on the phone, her volume only rivaled by the drunk middle aged women sitting next to Paige who at the end of the ride had decided, as a group, that "Loretta" was most definitely leaving her husband, and she'd gotten Sarah to agree to ghost write the novel about it- Age....
-Back in New York, all of the girls go their seperate ways, giving hugs and saying "we have to do it again soon!"- Age 37
-Paige goes to fake hug Holly, but really just pulls up the back of her dress instead, in retaliation Holly pulls down the top of Paige's dress- Age 13
-Shawn comes over and gives Holly her birthday gifts, which make Holly cry they are “so swweettt” -Age 55
-Holly, Marena, Kelsey, and Shawn all go to Blue Ribbon for some high class bar fare-Age 35
-Marena gets a doggie bag for mashed potatoes only-Age 8

-Paige goes to meet Steven who patiently listens to her recount the weekend and feeds her a salad- Age 24
-Steven has rented "Legion", Paige complains its too scary but falls asleep before the opening credits are finished, at 9:15pm- Age 8

So, in the end our average age was 21.9. Which we think, is exactly how you and all your friends should be acting when celebrating your 25th Birthday. Thanks to all our lovely girlfriends who made this weekend such a hilarious success... we'll be doing it again... soon.

Forever your Girls,
Holly and Paige

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