Friday, January 15, 2010

Inexplicable Obsessions:



If there is one thing I hate (besides slow walkers) it's whales. They are way to huge to make any sense and they live in the water but breathe air and that hurts my brain. I am also permanently scarred from a story my Alaskan fisherman exboyfriend told me about a whale breaching a few feet away from his skiff and almost drowning him, but I digress.

too big.

Now, if there is one thing i love (besides Cheddar Chex Mix and neon colors) it's unicorns. What could be cooler than a mythical pony, hatched from an egg, that comes in a variety of colors (in my imagination) with a single horn who may or may posses the ability to fly? Thats right, nothing!

Love of my Life.

Well, while reading National Geographic the other day I discovered that the impossible had happened; my biggest fear has mated with ultimate fantasy (the "riding a unicorn" fantasy, not the "laying under a pile of puppies" fantasy), and the spawn is an incredible creature known as a Narwhal.

Narwhals are medium-sized (still too big) whales who live around the arctic, they travel in pods may be endangered and blah blah blah whale trivia, whale trivia WHATEVER the point is they also have a MASSIVE swirly tooth that comes out of their upper lip and looks exactly like a giant unicorn horn, it can grow to be longer than 10 feet, thats like me standing on Holly's shoulders! And apparently back in the day a Narwhal tusk was worth three times its weight in gold!

Obviously, I immediately i decided I must own one, and just like slices of toast that look like Jesus, and Michael Jacksons toenail clippings, you can totally purchase a Narwhal tusk on e-Bay. They may not be worth three times their weight in gold anymore but they'll still run you a pretty penny. Thus I've made this pledge to Holly, when the day finally comes, and I'm sure it is fast approaching, when we are rich beyond our wildest dreams and super famous writers who are sharing James Franco as our love slave, I will purchase my narwhal tusk and will purchase for her, a piranha because for some reason she really wants one.

And now I will leave you with this final thought for the weekend. /p>

Forever your Girl,


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