Monday, November 9, 2009

Weekend Maturity Index: "I'll Show You a Grown-Up"

After last weekend's debauched, face-painted and costumed behavior we made a concerted effort to take it easy and keep it classy this weekend. A girl can only drink so much Jumbie Rum out of a curly straw while wearing sparkle bows in her hair before she starts to question what the hell she's doing with her life. So, this weekend we only had red wine, and beer oh and Georgi Vodka mixed with Vitamin Water, so like I was saying... classy. Enough of that, onto our patent-pending Maturity Index where we see just how "old" we acted this past weekend.

-We all meet right after work at a demure "pub" to have some 1/2 off cocktails and talk about our days- Age 27
-Decide pub isn't quite rockin' enough and head over to The Dove (see "Happiest Hour" and "Chrissy's Birthday" posts) in hopes of stronger drinks and younger men- Age 21
-Decide The Dove is devoid of hot dudes (minus bus boy who has his arm around a Fashion Toast lookalike, of course) and head to the sausage factory Brother JImmys- Age 18
-Chrissy orders us 3 PBR's- Age 19
-PBR's are jumbo-sized- Age 16
-Chrissy bargains with the bartender for the price of these beers- Age 20
-Requested giant neon straws for jumbo drinks- Age 9
-Asked bartender which was more potent, 3 shots of tequila or one giant skechy fishbowl drink-Age 18
-Bartender said shots, we ordered both and a shot for bartender- Age 20
-Fishbowl came with large lizard inside- Age 9
-Which Kristy immediately STOLE-Age 7
-Stared down group of hotties daring one another to approach- Age 15
-One particular "boyish" hottie, gives Holly his number and asks, "so how does this work?"- Age 15
-"Boyish" hottie has real job and doesn't watch South Park- Age 25
-"Boyish" hotties text Holly all night and calls the next day thus, digging his own grave- Age 19

-Roommates all do seperate, but equally "mature" activities, I go on a Chelsea Gallery walk with Swoop, Holly enjoys breakfast and a used bookstore, and Chrissy and Kristy go to Target.- Age 28

-Reconvene on couch to watch Lifetime movie, DEVIL IN THE FLESH where Rose McGowan kills:

her mom, her teacher, her best friend, her grandmother, her grandmothers dog, the football hero from school, her other teacher, her teachers girlfriend, a detective, a police officer and a social worker. All decide the movie is awesome and we should get some Lee jeanshorts and furry crop-tops.- Age 18
-Baddest-ass (kewl!) killing was done with a steaming-hot tea kettle (no points, just a fun FYI)
-Order Thai for dinner- Age 23
-Discuss options of what to do that night and democratically decide on Brooklyn Bowl, just the right amount of dancing, dudes, and beer, plus its easy to get to.-24
-Ask each other for advice on outfits- 15
-These outfits include; flowered headband, red plastic Michael- Jackson-in-Thriller-esque jacket, leopard print coat with studded bag and floral scarf- Age 12
-Decide outfits are not complete until each of us has put on a unicorn (YES!) sparkle temporary tattoo.-Age 8
-Pour vodka into vitamin water bottles for "road sodas" for the

train- Age 19

-Drink hipster-approved Sixpoints beers at the bar at Brooklyn Bowl.- Age 25
-Dance around in a girls-only grind-line trying to seem oblivious to a group of boys asking us to bowl with them- Age 16
-Head to the decidedly lower-key Berry Park and have one delish but uber pricey beer before calling it a night - Age 35

-Wake up around 9, make coffee and go to the gym- Age 30
-Come home from gym and all "ooh and aah" at Johnny Castle's moves in "Dirty Dancing" on ABC Family- Age 14
-Decide to spend the day at the Brooklyn Museum- Age 50
-Specifically for the kick ass "Who Shot Rock n' Roll" exhibit- Age 25
-More specifically for pictures of Tina Turner and Prince- Age 20
-During the 5 block walk to the museum must stop for ice cream novelty- Age 11
-Spend hours at the museum taking in the moving art- Age 40
-Giggle nervously at any art containing phallic symbols- Age 10
-Negotiate over who will finish the final two pieces of Double Bubble at the bottom of Holly's purse- Age 7
-After the museum stop at Mediterranean restaurant for a "snack" aka plate of fries- Age 16
-Come home clean apartment, make dinner, cry at Mad Men Finale- Age 40

Ugh, I really thought we'd come out of this weekend on the side of being a bit more adult, alas we had the weekend of a 20.3 year old, not even old enough to drink those jumbo drinks or classy beers. It probably has something to do with the stolen lizard toy and necessary ice cream novelty. Oh well maybe next weekend we'll at least act our age.

Forever your Girl,



1 comment:

  1. Why have a regular twix when you could have one with ice cream on top of it?