Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Halloween Maturity Index

So we did it, we survived our second Halloween in New York, and this year we didn't even have to find Holly sitting under a table in a bodega eating pretzels she "found"/stole. We also nailed many of Holly's predictions as you'll see and even mused on what our costumes will next year, 364 days in advance. Without further adieu... onto our scientifically tested and proven Maturity Index:

-Friday night we all attended my magazine's halloween party- Age 23
-At the open bar party, none of us were "over served"- Age 30
-Holly and I posed, Full House-era Olsen style in a photobooth- Age 12
-Sighting of Twilight-themed costume sends a few roommates into a giddy tizzy- Age 13
-Robert Pattinson look-alike turned out to be a total d-bag as to which I made gagging gesture- Age 11
-We all chatted in a mature fashion with my coworkers and clients- Age 26
-Holly spilled wine while doing this, just once- Age 21
-We retired at a responsible and early-ish hour knowing that we'd need our energy for the following day's festivities- Age 34
-Giggled nervously on train home looking at book that was in goody bag that had highly provocative "art" inside- Age 12

-Saturday morning we went to the gym to work off candy/gin- Age 25
-Giggles abound uppon spotting Adrien Grennier at our gym- Age 15
-Courage is gained enough to talk to him and exchange plans and costumes- Age 27
-He was being Dianna Ross (no age points... just a little gossip)
-Collapse on the couch post-gym, sans-shower to gorge on Lifetime movies- Age 23
-Are legitimately terrified of Lifetime movie "Homecoming", where Mischa Barton does unimaginable things like torture a girl, chop up a mans body and eat an entire ham sandwich- Age 12
-Holly has to explain to me that Jessica Stroup's achilles tendon just got hacked off (No! Marissa Cooper!) and makes us cringe and dislike Mischa even more (as if that were possible) Age 18

-Are also terrified of the Lifetime movie "Wind Chill", although it gave several Delaware shout-outs- Age 12
-Order Thai for lunch because we refuse to leave couch- Age 21
-Holly refuses to eat lunch because they brought her wrong soup ("This is NOT coconut Tom Kha")- Age 7
-Upon realizing costumes still need to be made and the day has been sucked away by Lifetime (again) begin diligently putting black spots on white shirts for puppy costume- Age 12

-"Primping" includes pigtails, bows, face paint and tu-tu's- Age 7
-Also includes Rum and Coke and cheap vodka- Age 20
-Dance in apartment and take pictures of ourselves doing very convincing poses ("How would a puppy dance?" "Act like you are afraid Cruella is going to skin you!" "Do I look like I am on my hind legs?")- Age 15
-Make friends on train with other cute girls dressed as beatniks - Age 23
-Feel infinitely less cool as Holly and I love beatniks and our dalmations costumes are...dalmation costumes...-Age 19
-Make drunk-ish plans with them that will probably never come to fruition- Age 18
-Meet friend at trendy LES bar- Age 24
-Squeal with glee when we see his costume and immediately cover him in hot pink lipstick kisses- Age 14
-Relocate to trendier penthouse bar with bottle service- Age 27
-Do puppy dances with each other completely in character and ignore everyone else at the party- Age 15
-Get yelled at by bathroom attendant for trying to "steal" candy (oh, sorry I didn't know free candy was not a party of Halloween)- Age 7
-Get really really sleepy and try to take a quick cat nap at our table- Age 6
-Go home and fall asleep in a "puppy pile" on the couch after eating Mac N' Cheese- Age 8

-Wake up and all convene in Holly's bed- Age 14
-Kristy was cuddling in her dalmation outfit- Age 6
-Drag ourselves to a greasy diner to re-cap the night and eat bacon- Age 21
-Decide put on sweatpants and spend the day at the movies- Age 17
-Decide to sneak several "King Sized" bags of candy in to movies- Age 12
-See Where the Wild Things Are- Age 10
-Decide to sneak into another movie- Age 13
-That movie is "Amelia"- Age 54
-Go home, clean apartment, cook healthy dinner and watch Mad Men- Age 40

This brings our average to 17.4 years of age, which seems pretty accurate considering the in-club nap and the viewing of "Amelia". Hopefully next weekend we'll mature a bit, sans-pigtails.

Forever Your Girl,


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