Fabulously Dirt Poor

The Maturity Index: CHERISH!

2011-01-16T16:41:00.000-08:00

pure joy

Happy Monday friends and our Moms! Paige and I sat down to watch the Golden Globes Sunday night and decided we had an insanely happy weekend and that we should share it.

Here goes the first Maturity Index of 2011:

Friday:

-Holly comes home to find Paige tubbing (being in the bath tub with wine having a great time)-Age 54

-Chrissy comes home with free champagne she got from work. She pops bottles, almost popping her eye out. Everyone cheers for Champ-Age 18

-Shan comes over in time for Chrissy to make everyone Beachwater cocktails, recipe below:

1 part Sprite

1 part Grapefruit Belvedere vodka

1 part Hypnotiq

Serve in champagne classes-Age 17

Beach Water

-The girls engage in an all-girl, crazy dance party until Evelyn car service arrives to bring all the girls to Union Hall- Age 17

-The girls arrive at Union Hall to join Emily and Jess, someone (not Paige or Holly) purchases a round of Lions Head Light-Age 21

-Holly goes freakin' nuts cheering on karaoke performers-Age 12

-Holly, Shan, and a reluctant (for 3 seconds) Paige take the stage to sing Cherish by Madonna-Age 33 (note: Cherish is Paige's favorite Madonna song! Also there is iPhone-video footage of this!)

-Paige, Shan, Holly and the flamboyant DJ's sing and dance to Cherish while the crowd talks amongst themselves. An Age 3 for the crowd, because that's rude.

-Then Holly takes shots of tequila, Chrissy plays bocce with a cute boy and Paige checks up on everyone-Ages 21, 40, 50

-Girls leave and no one falls asleep in the cab!-Age 13 and up.

Saturday:

-Holly, Paige, and Chrissy wake up a little late and get ready in 45 seconds to go try on bridesmaid dresses-Age 25

-On the way, they need to stop for snacks and drinks at their corner bodega, making them 15 minutes late-Age 16

-The girls become besties with woman working at Addrienes Bridal Shope and are sorry to hear she wasn't even a BRIDESMAID in her best friends wedding-Age 25

-The girls go to Whole Foods for a wholesome brunch and Holly gets crumbs all of her "bib" (it was a scarf!)-Ages 31 and 2

-The girls go to Here Comes the Bridesmaid to try on more dresses. At this point they've become pros at and prove that we are TOTALLY AWESOME at trying on dresses because we know what we like-Age 25

-The girls come home with plans to nap, but in stead opt to watch Sundays at Tiffany where Alyssa Milano decides (SPOILER ALERT!) not to marry her actor fiance and instead marries her imaginary best friend-Age 14

-Honey, One of Holly's top 5 fave movies comes on and everyone is forced to watch about 8 minutes of this before the Alexi Vodka and Hynotiq come back out-Age 18

-All of the girls take turns sitting in a large cardboard box that Chrissy had received in the mail-Age 3

-Whilst playing an incredible drinking game that involves answering obscure "What if..." questions as fast as you can, everyone gets to learn that if Holly could rename her hometown she would call it 'Brazil'-Age 22

-After finishing the bottle of Hpnotiq, the girls go to Brooklyn Bowl, expecting to dance to a crazy cool DJ. Instead, they are troubled to find a ukulele-wielding Beatles cover band-Age 23

-Paige and Holly boo'd and boo'd at the band-Age 11

-The girls leave to go to The Levee where Chrissy enjoys the free cheeseballs-Age 5

-Everyone goes back to Underhill and Paige and Chrissy scream quotes from Lost in Translation while Holly falls asleep in her dungeon. Seriously, no age.

Sunday:

-Holly crawls into bed with Paige and Chrissy. They confirm their plan of skipping their bridesmaid dress appointment to instead, go purchase mood rings-Age 12

-On the way to the mood ring store, the girls head to Met to visit their "deli guy" and get the most delicious $4.00 sandwiches-Age 25

-Holly decides the Met sandwiches are so good that the "sandwich artists" at Subway are more actually "con Artists"-Age 33

-Fffiinnnaallyyy the mood rigs are purchased! Holly gets a tiny heart and Paige gets a tiny unicorn-Age 12

-GOLDEN GLOBE TIME! The girls eat pasta and brussels sprouts and Cheez-Its while recalling memories of past award show parties-Age 25

-Sadly, Jennifer Love Hewitt does not win a Golden Globe for her role as a Texas hooker in the Lifetime movie, The Client List. Holly murmurs, "good night Jennifer, I'll see you tonight in my dreams", this is because Holly's been having a recurring dream where she and JLH are best friends who love to shop for bikinis. Ugh, no age because its too weird.

Bad mom or good mom?

-During commercial breaks Paige and Holly YouTube TLC videos while trying to decide what to sing at Karaoke next week because, yeah we're doing it every weekend now. You're welcome. Age 20

-Bedtime

Average Age: 19!

Stay tuned for next weekend when Paige and Holly learn the whole rap in the song "Waterfalls".

Forever Your Girls,

Paige & Holly

2010-12-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!

I'm sure you all remember Paige's awesome/sleepy birthday last year, which we tagged as Paige's Faux-Birthday.

http://fabulouslydirtpoor.blogspot.com/2009/12/happy-birthday-paige-today-may-or-may.html

Well we are having another faux-birthday for her this year!
If you didn't receive that invite, here it is! Although this doesn't necessarily mean you are invited. I mean, we love people that give us the time of day but...well sure, come over and bring some gin or Lambrusco. So here is the invite:

Hello Ladies!!!!

Our deer friend Paige is will be turning 25 on December 27th!! This obviously needs to be celebrated because halfway to fifty if definitely a milestone. Paige has always said she wanted to spend this day with a bottle of champagne alone under a cozy blanket with a few Ambien samples. Well too bad Paige!
Here is the plan for Paige’s second annual faux birthday:

December 18th
5:00: Paige and I discussed last night ordering Pizza Hut’s Cheesy Bites pizza for dins(we really just want to know how to eat it when all of the cheesy bites are gone). Everyone girlpiles on the couch to watch this: http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/christmas-proposal
All girls do their nails and Paige gets to start drinking.
7:00 Various ladies get naked to shower, we may have to do this in groups if we have too many people (this is fine, really). People blow dry their hair and try on various sequined outfits. Concealer and sunless tanner is borrowed, all while listening to catchy upbeat music from the 90’s. Everyone joins in drinking with Paige.
9:00: Humans of the opposite sex arrive and they get to join in drinking. Some cake may be involved.

Some gifts may be involved. Emily signs “Happy Birthday” by herself while being the top of a human pyramid. Applause ensues.
10:30 Shots shots shots shots shots!
11:00ish Paige gets blindfolded
11:09ish Everyone gets in Evelyn brand cars. Chrissy sits in the front of one and demands some Top 40. Christina Aguilera's “Dirty” will probably come on.
11:30 We arrive at the bar and Paige won’t be blindfolded anymore and all is fun and well and we have a great night.

So? What do we think? Yes?
How great will it be to blindfold Paige while she is drunk?!

See you then babies!

Xoxo,
Holly

Ahead of the Game

2010-11-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday everyone!
After letting everyone know about my and Paige’s Halloween costume plans, I got a Facebook message from a dear childhood friend about Paige and I being “ahead of the game” in comparison to Lady Gaga. Quite the compliment!

Also this childhood friend isn’t just anyone. She was coined the president of The Genius Club by my elementary school teacher who came up with this club for kids that could correctly spell , ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’ as a bonus on our spelling test. My clever pioneer naming capabilities playing Oregon Trail (the Spice Girls, the school nuns, Greek mythological gods) weren’t enough for me to ever make the cut to be in the club.

So back to our super compliment from the president of The Genius Club at St. Mary’s Cathedral grade school where we are a whole year ahead of Lady Gags.
Lady Gaga, the queen of costumes, dressed herself Cruella Deville and some mortals as bloody Dalmatians.

Oh HOW CLEVER Lady Gaga. She obviously stole this idea from Paige and myself. What’s next? Lady Gaga decides to have a “thing” for beagles named ‘Spider’?

"SPIDER!"

Or she decides to be besties with Anne Heche?

Or she starts wearing accessories that are oh so Degrassi?

Or she starts stealing from the Olive Garden in Times Square?

We won’t have it.
So we will put all of you “ahead of the game” right now and predict that Lady Gaga will be Phyllis Neffler for Halloween next year, bloody or not. She just has some stiff competition because Chrissy looked awesome.

Forever Your Girl,
Holly

Halloween 2010: What a Trip

2010-10-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Halloween night 2009: Paige, myself, and Kristy dressed as skanky puppies complete with pigtails and homemade doggie paws. Chrissy wore a DVF Glen Close inspired Cruella DeVille ensemble that I’m pretty sure she has worn to work in midtown minus the wig.

We like our youngest roomie dressing as a functioning adult whilst the rest of us older ladies dress up as “experienced” 4th graders. This year will be no different!
Chrissy will be Shelley Long’s role as Phyllis Neffler in Troop Beverly Hills wearing khaki harem pants, a nice (probably designer) blouse, and tasteful non-plastic shoes.

Paige, Kristy and myself are wearing white thigh highs, something khaki to qualify as bottoms, a little boys size medium polo tee (I think I will chop the bottom 3 inches off mine) and homemade sashes with homemade badges showing we are qualified in shopping and loving kittens. Oh, and plastic platforms. Something sorta like this:

All of this should surprise no one, we just think its fair to let everyone know.

Some important things everyone must know about Troop Beverly Hills, my childhood, and other random Halloween tidbits:
-Tori Spelling is in Troop Beverly Hills

-There is a dance called “The Freddie” which we plan on learning and doing all day and night this Saturday and Sunday

-Paige nor I were never girl scouts, but Paige dated an Eagle Scout and my boyfriend thinks he is going to take me camping one day so...that must count for something
-Paige, Linda and I all love Thin Mints!
-There is a song called, "French Kissin' in the USA" on the soundtrack
-We obviously Netflixed Troop Beverly Hills and when it showed up it was cracked in two. We feel this is some sort of Halloween spooky omen but are going to proceed with doing the Troop Beverly Hills thing anyway

More about our characters:
Chrissy: Phyllis Nefler - Beverly Hills socialite and new leader of Wilderness Girls Troop Beverly Hills

Kristy: Tiffany Honigman - Daughter of a prominent Beverly Hills plastic surgeon

Paige: Jasmine Shakar - Outspoken daughter of a well-known boxer

Holly: Lily Marcigan - Daughter of Dictator Bong Bong and Karina who rule an unspecified Southeast Asian country

Us Underhill gouls love Halloween and are excited to see how this year turns out...but let us never forget this:

Oh, or this:

To get everyone even more hyped up, we leave you with this:

Happy Halloween people!

Forever your girl,
Holly

Stealing carbs

2010-08-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

HOPA!

2010-08-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

Paige and myself are extremely familiar with the all things "assistant". Wether is wrapping our bosses' wives' Hanukkah presents, shopping for yamakas, or going across town to find organic cookies, we have seen it ALL. So when I came across Jenny (thanks to my boss!) I had to send to Paige and we both found a new hero.

Paige and I like to think we are the kind of people who would do something like this, just as much as we would like to think of ourselves as HOPA's, however, neither of us has really had it that bad that we have ever even used the words "I quit". It was more, "can I still come to happy hour even though I will be working down the street now?".
Jenny, if that is even your name, can we please get margaritas sometime? On us of course since you are jobless. Our treat. Bring your whiteboard too.

http://thechive.com/2010/08/10/girl-quits-her-job-on-dry-erase-board-emails-entire-office-33-photos/

Forever Your Girl,
Holly

The Maturity Index Returns

2010-07-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

So imagine Paige and myself, both wearing (matching) sweatsuits. We are crawling across hot coals in the Sahara dessert while Pitbulls “You Know You Want Me” is playing loudly in the background. When this is over we wash your feet with our hair and Kelly Bensimon appears eating jelly beans and telling US that WE are crazy. SO basically, its our personal hell... Thats how bad we feel about being delinquent bloggers, so this is our apology. Please, forgive us for our absence. Forgive our souls and our lately pathetic blog. Thanks!

With that, we give your our 4th of July Maturity Index (THREE WEEKS LATE):

Friday:
-Holly (being the ONLY person in her office during a summer friday because she had to wait for an "important fax"!) rolls around the floor at work and goes outside to take a tan/fro yo break-Age 24
-Holly goes to 24th street in 600 hundred degree weather to wait 30 minutes for the “Double Happiness” bus and survives-no age, just this is quite the feat
-Holly gets dropped off in what looks like "da hood" in Delaware and tells Paige she is “working the corner”-Age 24
-Paige picks her up in Barbs BMW and they listen to Barbs Glee Season 1 Soundtrack whilst talking shit on it, and secretly being really into it-Age 15
-Paige’s dad starts poppin’ bottles and Paige and Holly learn the secrets of making Barb's “secret sauce”-no age just, try it!

Barbs’s Secret Sauce:
A few tablespoons butter
Some garlic
1/2 cup ketchup
1/2 can Coca Cola

Melt butter and garlic. Dump in ketchup in and coke. Stir stir stir until it condenses a bit. Consume attop grilled oysters (or if you're poor like us, some turkey pepperoni or slim jims).

-Emily and her family come over and everyone eats and Paige spills some wine AND some champagne-Age 24
-Paige and Holly settle in to the basement to watch Entourage (which Barb recommends)-Age 18 (and bro-ish)
-Paige passes out and Holly jangles the bracelets on her wrist and yell in her face to wake her up, this doesn’t work AT ALL so Holly goes up to Paige’s bed alone-Age 19
-Paige joins Holly at about 3am and they both sleep soundly until 7:00am the next day-Age 35

Saturday:
-Holly and Paige start their day at 7:00am and catch up on some much needed gossipy talk while drinking Doug-prepared smoothies-Age 30
-They both pack up the car, pick up Emily, and turn on some Glee Season 1 for the drive to Chestertown-Age 24
-Everyone needs a Wawa break and all get mint iced coffee’s, Em and Paige get cheese-filled soft pretzels, Holly get’s and apple, and Barb get’s Combo’s-Age 12, 32, and 9
-The girls drop of Barb and Doug and continue listening and singing to Glee Season 1 while they do the 45 second drive to the liquor store to purchase:
-1 Case Heineken-Age 30
-1 Case Bud Heavy-Age 40
-1 Case Bud Light LIME-Age 22 because this is when Holly starting drinking this and also when it made it’s beautiful debut into the world
-1 6/pk Smirnoff Ice (you knew this was coming) -Age 17 because that’s when we both probably tried this for the first time
-1 Liter Lemonade-Age 9
-1.5 Liters Burnett’s brand Sweet Tea Vodka-Age 21
-The girls forgot to buy water which is why they were sent out in the first place so have to do the 45 second drive again while listening to, what else, Glee Season 1-Age 16
-In a pre-sweet tea vodka stroke of genius, Paige hides a Smirnoff Ice in a cookie jar her brother Will would definitely turn to for cookies-Age 24

-The girls make their cocktails disguised as Sweet Tea and lay out next to the river-Age 24

-Will and his friend show up and people start getting Iced all over the place-Age 21

-Barb really wasn’t into the Icing of her children however looking back we think she was secretly jealous no one was Icing her-Age 21
-All the “kids” eat crabs on the dock and Holly watches Paige suck up the guts of about 14 crabs-I have no idea what age ANYONE is to literally SUCK crab goo out of a crab 14 times, so no age I guess
-Everyone goes inside to eat 2 types of coleslaw, corn, burgers, and dogs-All ages work for this right?
-Paige and Holly compare their differentiating styles of eating corn (Holly rotates the corn, Paige typewriter style)-Age 6
-Paige, Holly, and Em have a faux photo shoot on the boat-Age 12

-Holly has a conversation with Paige’s grandfather about the lives of trees-Age 72
-Holly, Em, Paige, Doug, Barb, and the cast of Glee Season 1 all head home-Age 15

Sunday:
-Paige and Holly wake up, put on stringy bikinis, and lay out at the neighbor’s art deco pool-Age 16
-Holly makes sure Paige puts on SPF 45 continuously throughout the day-Age 45
-Both read their respective literature, drink iced coffees, and take breaks to discuss what is going on in their books-Age 52
-Holly puts every single water floaty toy in the water and the girls are both obviously gravitate towards the large floating swan-Age 14

This REALLY happened...me having a swan between my legs and Paige scratching my back while in a pool

-The girls take a break to go inside to eat delicious sandwiches and watch Billy Elliot with Barb-Age 15
-Em meets the girls back at the pool and they all take turns floating on the swan while listening to 6 Bob Marley songs on repeat-Age 18
-Holly tries to relate to Paige’s family’s emotional connection to the cast of Friday Night Lights, but just finds herself wishing she could get caught in an elevator with “coach”-Age 17
-Doug takes all the girls to watch fireworks, patriotic feelings arise-Patriotic feelings while watching patriotic fireworks arise in EVERY age right?

So 3 weeks later we are letting you know that over the 4th we ended up being 23.5. Which is pretty good! However us not writing out blog is mean and cruel to all of our 43 fans (followers) doesn't get an age because it's just that bad.
Sorryyyyyy.
Please forgive and still like us.

Forever Your Girls (we mean it!),
Holly and Paige

Don't we look apologetic?

Couples Retreat

2010-06-29T10:27:00.001-07:00

Sorry we have sort of abandoned our blog life and anyone cool enough to care about us!

While Paige and I have had our blog absence all sorts of important things happened:

I went to a wedding and wasn't the drunkest person there (Kristy was)

Paige introduced me to Silly Bandz

Sarah Jessica Parker was spotted wearing Silly Bandz

Al Gore's affair with Larry David's wife was discovered

Paige had to work on the weekend (but she got to throw back a few while doing so)

The USA got booted out of the world cup

Holly watched Shawn drink a wine spritzer

I found a new place with an outstanding 2 for 1 margarita deal

So much to discuss!
Well let's not because bigger and better things are happening.
Paige and I have been C- friends for the past two weeks thanks to our busy schedules and the fact that we both haven't retired yet and can't just hang out and watch Ramona Singer drink Pinot Grigio while we are ourselves drink Pinot Grigio all day. So we are going on an Americana-themed couples retreat this weekend! We will be apart of each others lives, eating schedules, and dreams for four whole days!

Last year's retreat. This table is filled with love and crab.

Here is what we hope to achieve during our couples retreat:

To make* a 4th of July cake that looks like this:

Drink wine and look for Joe Biden at the Wilmington Country Club

...in matching patriotic bikinis

Gossip about Chessie with Paige's Mom

Of course the biggest goal for this weekend is to rekindle our love for each other and buy some new (matching!) Silly Bandz.

We will also undoubtedly eat to our hearts desire while watching hours and hours of HBO and getting sunburns while mixing anything with gin and making weird jokes. So making our Moms proud!

Again, sorry for the lack of posts and please come see us next Wednesday or maybe Thursday to see how the cake turned out!

Forever Your Girls,

Holly and Paige

*The chances of us attempting to make this cake are pretty good. The chances of us instead making cake batter and mixing that with a tub of frosting are better. Just saying...

Maturity Index:Flipping Cups and Tipping Canoes

2010-06-16T06:57:00.000-07:00

Flipping beer cups and tipping canoes proved to be some of last weekends highlights. What else happened?

Friday:
-Holly stops at Forever 21 to purchas a backless purple leopard skin blouse-Age 16
-Holly parks herself on the couch to gorge on popcorn and taunts Paige that she will miss the first episode of Bethany Getting Married-Age 16
-Holly somehow persuades Chrissy to stroke her hair that hasn't been washed in 6 days until she falls asleep-Age 13

-Paige finishes up her bizzare pre-Hamptons diet by enjoying her final yam while watching The Real Housewives of New York: Reunion as she waits for Steven to pick her up- Age 24

-On the drive out to the Hamptons Paige and Steven fight over the radio, he pushes for reggae pushes and Paige pushes for Fleetwood Mac- Age 56

-When they arrive to the Bed & Breakfast Paige notes that it resembles the lodging in "Dirty Dancing" and asks the girl at the desk if there's a secret clubhouse in the woods where she can meet the dance instructor. This joke is lost on the college age girl.- Age 35
-Paige and Steven hang out at The Margarita Grille (Steven's ol' stompin' grounds) where at first Paige is nervous meeting all of Steven's childhood friends for the first time, but she quickly bonds with the bartender and all is fine- Age 19
-By the end of the night Paige and two of Steven's friends have taken on the project of "fixing" Paige's busted Haviana by attempting to melt the strap back on fire. Lighting shoes on fire indoors- Age 12

Saturday:

-Holly wakes up early to go running and to cardio Tai boxing with a Caribbean nazi-Age 24
-Holly and Chrissy drink coffee and watch every Justin Bieber video youtube has to offer-Age 9
-They both agree Justine Bieber seems like such a "nice young man"-Age 40
-Holly and Chrissy start drinking the usual (Georgi vodka with off-brand Crystal Light) and start looking for patriotic outfits to go watch the world cup-Age 24
-Chrissy wears a nice gauzy maroon top and Holly dons a red and white striped crop top (which she found out later actually resembles the Puerto Rican flag more, this was okay with her)-Age 16
-The two drink their usual roadie and Chrissy falls on top of the oldest lady that has ever ridden the subway-Age 21
-They finally make it to Mustang Sally's to drink beer and chant "U-S-A"!-Age 24

-After the game Holly decides everyone is going to the guys place that invited them and asks if everyone will please bring ice pops and booze-Age 18

-Everyone immediately starts playing a girls vs. boys flip-cup game, cheering, mockery, and Chrissy "can crusher" "Machine-han" Sheahan are all part of the game-Age 21

The winning team! Holly and Chrissy with their new friends Charlie and ShanShan!

-Chrissy and Holly decide to drunkenly make their way home but not before stopping at McDonald's for an ice cream cone-Age 13
-They order thai at home, watch Catch Me if You Can simultaneously with The Bachelorette and pass out-Age 24

-Paige and Steven wake up early and get coffee and go for a walk on the beach- Age 40
-Since its not a sunny beach day and there are no surfable waves, Steven suggests they check out his childhood favorite 8-mile canoe trip- Age 25
On this "adventure" Paige learns:

-She has a serious fear of swans after Steven informs her that "their wing could break your leg"- Age 8

To prove Steven's point, this swan video is a much-needed addition

-You shouldn't challenge Steven's paddling skills or he will get overzealous and the canoe WILL tip- Age 16
-Once the canoe tips and your camera sinks to the bottom of the river it will take more than a few hours to laugh about how funny it actually was- Age 32
-After the canoe trip and lost camera Steven feeds Paige 12 oysters, 12 clams and a bucket of steamers and she forgets about the canoe tippage- Age 24
-A food-coma 3 hour nap- Age 8
-Paige and Steven have dinner with 8 of his friends at a fancy restaurant, in the middle of dinner one friend enters and "ices"* everyone, Paige pounds her Smirnoff Ice the fastest, surprising no one- Age 17
-Paige is feeling "drinky drinky" by now and is explaining her idea of a "baby game show" to all of Stevens friends- Age 16 (a baby game show is where you take a bunch of babies- under 2 years of age- and see who can do a puzzle or something the fastest. its like a normal game show but way more adorable)

Sunday:

-When Holly tires of writing on people's facebook walls at 8am she goes and jumps on Chrissy to wake her up-Age 14
-The two go into the city and meet Kristy, they all go to Maoz to get falafel pitas-Age 24
-Kristy and Holly are the last women standing and decide to go home only after they have gone to 3 Chinatown ladies boutiques-Age 16
-all the girls make about 9 bowls of popcorn at Underhill and wait for Paige to come home-Age 24
-Paige jangles her bracelets until Steven wakes up- Age 12
-Paige and Steven have bacon egg and cheese's and "jumbos" for breakfast- Age 15 (a "jumbo" is an enormous iced tea)
-They lay out on the beach until Paige says "its time for ice cream and sprinkles in my mouth"- Age 9
-Paige and Steven check out of the Bed & Breakfast and walk around town saying goodbye to all of Steven's friends. They can't decide on a spot for dinner so they head back to where the shellfish feast happened the day before- Age 21
-On the ride back Steven tries to keep Paige from falling asleep by opening her window whenever she dozes- Age 14

Our average age for last weekend totaled to 20.6, this is low thanks to Smirnoff Ice and wearing patriotic clothing. Next weekend Holly goes to a wedding at the same location she celebrated her 13th birthday and Paige has friends in town.

Forever Your Girls,

Paige and Holly

Humpday: JanJo's Walk of Shame

2010-06-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

We know we have been tardy to the party with our Maturity Index. So to compensate for another late posting, today we will do our humpday one day early. Deal?

January Jones, someone Paige and I would probably buy a blow-up doll of, has been getting some negative press lately. Last week she got into a car accident which originally was the “fault of the paparazzi”, however now rumors are spreading that the crash involved some booze and Bobby Flay (quite the combo eh?).

A spatula that does more that's good for more than grilling if you know what we mean...

Drunk driving with the Boy Meets Grill star is bad enough, however January Jones’ (Betty!) life only gets worse. This morning TMZ is circulating pics of JanJo (I made that little nickname up on the spot) getting out of a cab in the dress she wore the night before to some sort of Ocean Day party... SCANDAL!

Let’s take a step back.
First off, had Paige and I known that last Thursday was Ocean Day we would have listened to the Free Willy soundtrack or chatted about our dislike for dolphins or something. That aside, let’s discuss that January Jones goes out to celebrate dolphins in a slutty dress, gets laid, and then decides to cab-it home the next day in the SAME SLUTTY DRESS?!

Like we said, SAME SLUTTY DRESS!

Could we love this girl any more? Sure we feel bad for her and are dedicating a premature Humpday to her and the fact that she can't even do a walk of shame in private, but now we feel like she could really be one of our friends.

We can now easily imagine us, hand in hand in slutty dresses with January, going by fake names for the night should some Barney hit on us, (“January, you be December? Oh and Paige you be July and I’ll be March!”), and cheersing to the well-being of the manatee. The next day January would call us up, tell us about her wild night getting fed grilled strawberries in bed by Bobby Flay and come over in her slutty dress via cab to watch Lifetime with us while we get French fries delivered.

JanJo, we are sorry that people are giving you shit for this. But don’t feel so bad. It’s not as if you were snapped leaving a frat house. And we like your slutty little dress! Heck we even like Bobby Flay! Sure we are glad we don’t have to go through that humiliation, but we totally love you even more for it.

Happy Humpday everyone! At least you haven’t had January Jone’s walk of shame. Really, what would Don think?

Forever Your Girl,
Holly

ABSOLUT: FDP

2010-06-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

So tonight we are going to a launch party for ABSOLUT Brooklyn. I know, as my mom said "oh god....." And as always, we are of course delighted to be invited to any party thats open bar, especially if its for a vodka that celebrates our very own borough. But we did have some questions, this is ABSOLUT Brooklyn so it must tatse like... Brooklyn? What does that even mean? Apparently it is apple and ginger flavored, which confuses me and excites Holly, but lets face it we normally drink Vanilla Georgi so we are in no way a "good judge" of quality spirits. So all of this got us thinking. If there were to be an Absolut Paige or and Absolut Holly, what would they taste like? And what do we, in our infinite Brooklyn knowledge, believe Absolut Brooklyn should actually taste like? Our musings below:

Absolut Paige:

I once famously told the sommelier at a wine tasting that the "Riesling tastes just like a My Little Pony smells", this was totally true, but that doesn't make it any less embarrassing. So if there were to be an Absolut Paige I would want it to taste like the smell of my favorite childhood toy, a cupcake-scented my little pony. The bottle would be sparkle pink with a prancing pony on it and the lid would have a tail hanging off of it and something would probably light-up. ABSOLUT PAIGE

Paige's Absolut Brooklyn:

To me, Absolut Brooklyn shouldn't taste like apple and ginger, though I get it. Apples and ginger are things they sell at farmers markets and farmers markets are like, so Brooklyn right now. But to me, an authentic Absolut Brooklyn would be a little.... dirtier. My Absolut Brooklyn, like my Riesling experience would deal more with olfactory senses and probably less with taste. So, my favorite Brooklyn smell is the smell of the hidden bakery that exists somewhere near our apartment. No matter WHAT anytime after 5pm in our hood you smell baking cookies and its incredible. So it would basically be cookie dough vodka, and the signature cocktail would be Absolut (Cookie Dough) Brooklyn Vodka mixed with PBR because... yeah.

Absolute Holly:

I am not known for my good in taste in food (or really anything else except maybe legwarmers and giftwrapping) so Absolute Holly will follow suit. I famously love Good'n'Plenty's because you can ask anyone if they would like some, and that they may have as many as they would like, and yet NO ONE ever wants one, while I still look like a charitable candy-sharer. So Absolute Holly would taste like delicious Good'n'Plenty's and maybe it would be giftwrapped or have a legwarmer around it or something just for good measure.

Absolute Brooklyn:
My favorite Brooklyn food to put in my mouth are the donuts at Peter Pan in Greenpoint. I go there on Saturday mornings and watch all of the adults order bagels and compare whie I contrast the donut selection with all of the 4+ year olds. So to me, an Absolute Brooklyntini would be more like a spiked vanilla donut, with sprinkles of course.

So there you have it. Our Absolut-ly FDP ideas. Would you drink our signature vodkas?

Forever your Girl,

Paige

Maturity Index:

2010-06-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

FDP TAKES ATLANTIC CITY

Well we've finally gone and done it. We have successfully planned, paid for and executed an all-girls out-of-town trip! Thats adult right? Thats a mature, normal, adult thing to do, get your girlfriends together and take a trip together, very mature! Does it still count as mature if you use the hotel ice bucket to chill string cheese and Yoo-hoo? Can we still count ourselves among adult ladies if we were "Shamoo-ing" each-other in the pool, screaming Juistin Bieber songs in the "sick" marble shower and sleeping 8 to a room? Maybe. We'll just have to take a peek at our world famous Maturity Index to see where we ended up after heading to AC to celebrate the b-days of Holly, Kristy and Sarah!

Friday:

-Holly leaves work with a tumbler of Double Cross vodka and wanders around Williamsburg sipping and waiting for the girls-Age 21
-Holly thinks she sees their gorgeous neighbor but is actually Ed Westwick right outside Berry Park, Holly starts frantically texting everyone she has ever met about celeb sighting-Age 12
-Everyone, roommates, Shawn, Marena and her bestie that is in town, get deluxe beers and share a rooftop table with a 2 people on casual date-Age 24
-Everyone starts loudly talking about intimate text messages and then realizes they are arm’s length from 2 people on a casual date, all parties involved are embarrassed -Age 16
-A beautiful cake is unveiled featuring Shawn eating a sausage made out of Gobstoppers-Age 15 (readers note: Holly’s boyfriend Shawn famously loves to make and consume gourmet sausage, but who doesn’t?)

-Holly is given beautiful jewels as gifts, cake is eaten, and it is established that the "Soup Nazi" isn't, in fact, real-Age 24

-All head on over to the Biergarden because Holly thinks her Nebraskan guests will find it super cool-Age 24
-Biers, sausages, pretzels are all consumed, next, naturally a decently-friendly arm wrestling competition begins-Age 15

-Shawn informs everyone that the bier mugs can be “cheered” against each other super hard and will never break-Age 21
-Paige and Marena's bestie test this theory, prove it untrue, have to pick up pieces of glass out of the laps of their neighbors- Age 20
-Half of the group gets tired/drunk and call it a night while the Nebraskan guests, Holly and Shawn all decide to take their bar crawl to The Turkeys Nest-Age 24
-There, Shawn is proud of the $10 for 4 beers, and everyone plays a lousy game of Buckhunter and are introduced to a Philedelphian who invented a non-spill chip’n’dip bowl-Age 24 (Readers note: The bowl goes up to an angle at one side, therefore dip is scooped and not spilled. Whatever.)
-The Nebraska guests and Holly bid farewell to Shawn and cab it home-Age 24

Saturday:
-Paige wakes everyone up at 6:40, everyone gets up and the trip follows suit punctuality-wise-Age 47
-On the A train we make Marena's bestie sit net to the grim reaper, just to give her an authentic taste of the NYC subway system-No age just this basically looks fake but it’s totally real

-On the bus, Paige spits up her rancid-tasting YooHoo, Holly tries it just to make sure and the YooHoo was indeed insanely rancid-Age 9
-Everyone enjoys snacks of string cheese, Blow Pops and chips. Paige threatens to put gum in Kristy's hair if she stops singing Justin Beiber songs- Age 12

-Girls finally get to the Majestic Harrah's in Atlantic City. Immediately head to the pool, and start ordering Shake’n’Take Long Island Ice Teas-Age 21 (Reader’s note: A Shake’n’Take is martini tumbler filled with booze that one get’s to keep!)
-The Long Island’s get everyone in a silly mood and some serious “horsing around” takes place at the pool:

-Head-dunking- 8
-Pulling down eachother’s suit tops-Age 14
-Underwater handstands/flips/horsing around –Age 14
-General vocal adoration for eachother-Age 9
-Piggybacks where the "pig" is actually more of a water mammal, so a "whaley-back"-Age 6

-A Sanjia doppelganger awkwardly blows his lifeguard whistle which really doesn’t help the horsing around situation-Age 15 (Because who listens to a lifeguard after the age of 14?)
-Everyone finally gets to the room and a good 20 minutes of drunken bedjumping, pillow fighting, dancing, and listening to Justin Bieber’s hit “Baby, Baby”- Age 12

-Chrissy’s parents comp the girls 2 cheeseburgers, chicken fingers, mozzerela sticks, quesadillas, and 2 bottles of champagne, all is insanely delicious and eaten in a drunken matter within 20 minutes-Age 24

-The remaining "important items" are chilled in the ice bucket- Age 17

-All the girls get “decked out” (Paige even employs a "Snookie Pouf") and head to hit the casino-Age 24

-Paige, Emily, Kristy, Chrissy and Sarah decide to "shake things up" and take a cab to the "swankier" Borgatta- Age 19
-After hearing that the Kings of Leon are playing a concert there, Paige is convinced the five girls would have no problem getting backstage, "no problem at all!" She has Emily Google the first names of the band members, commits them to memory and thinks everyone should just roll up and be like "I'm Caleb's mistress, so lets make this quick and just let me backstage"- Age 20
-After seeing the mean, scary old ladies (who we named Gretchen and Fran) who were guarding the backstage area the plan seemed less doable, dejected Paige walks past the bar and picks up a glass of Riesling someone had abandoned- Age 16
-Back at Harrah's Holly stays with Marena and Kelsey, they all make friends with all the old men at the $15 blackjack table and the cocktail waitresses and lifetime friendships are born-Age 24
-Paige and the girls join, and Paige makes lifetime friendships with the wives of the old men playing black jack- Age 59

-Eventually this proves too exhausting for Paige who retires to her room, calls her mom and curls up under the covers around 1030pm- Age 9

-All the girls get their act together by taking shots, dancing to Celine Dion, drinking Redbull, dancing to Justin Bieber (again) and dancing provocatively to get geared up for the pool party-Age 24 (Well Celine Dion and Justin Bieber cancel each other out so wash)
-The line of Guido/Guidettes to go to the pool party is as long as the line was to see Justin Bieber on The Today Show so everyone decides to head to another club-Age 24
-The girls stumble around the Tropicana innocently observing another level of New Jerseyness, Holly pouts about passing up a lounge playing who else but Celine Dion-Age 42
-The girls hear the sounds of fistpumping and find themselves in karaoke lounge filled with bachelorette parties and crackheads-No age, we just want everyone to get an idea of this place
-Marena buys a round and gets Kelsey on the list to sing ‘Shoop’-Age 18

-Holly is slightly irritated that everyone has to wait around at The Rose Lounge for Kelsey to sing because the crackheads keep speaking too close to her face offering to buy her cosmos-again no age, just a little FYI
-The attractive DJ starts playing a clubby version of “Hey Baby” and Holly decided The Rose Lounge is the place to be and everyone dances with bachelorettes and crackheads alike-there is NO AGE for this kind of thing

-The DJ announces that Kelly (Kelsey) will be singing Shoop and the one rule is that "no one is allowed to fall in love with her", Kelsey then raps flawlessly and dances awesomely to the 90’s hit-Most people can’t do this at any age, so no age

-The girls finally leave The Rose Lounge and take a Jersey Shore shot outside the club-Age 20

-Everyone, after deciding its too dangerous to walk the boardwalk in AC at 3am, decides to cab it home-Age 24
-Kristys buys 10 pretzels for $4 and people eventually pass out on all surfaces of the hotel room-Age 24

Sunday:
-Its Holly's 25th Birthday!!!- Age 25
-Paige does that thing where she breathes heavily and jangles her bracelets so that her sleep-mates wake up- Age 11
-Paige awkwardly approaches everyone and asks about all the fun times she missed while she was slumbering. Feels sad for missing one of her besties birthdays- Age 15
-By 9am everyone lays by the pool and recaps, drinks coffee and sneaks bagels while reading Harpers Bazzare- Age 45
-With plenty of time before checkout the girls return to the room, thoroughly (as possible) clean, stack the towels, make sure nothing was left behind, and tip the maid- Age 50
-Are TRULY astonished that we pulled this off... Keep reminding ourselves how truly incredible it is that no one even lost their phone! Or spilled champagne on it! Or dropped their cameras in the pool!- Age 17
-Hollys one true Birthday wish comes true, everyone agrees to eat at the Applebee's in "downtown" Atlantic City- Age 13

-Everyone falls deeply in love with our waiter Daryl who kindly brings Marena her Bud Light and tomato juice, and reassures Sarah that "Yes that diet pepsi is 'bottomless'"- Age 16
-Not yet content to head to the train station, Holly, Kristy, Marena and her bff head to the H&M across from Applebee's because "its nicer than the ones in New York"- Age 15
-Shocking themselves, once again, everyone made it onto the train in time and sat quietly, reading or napping- Age 35
-Except for Kristy who was loudly giggling with her boyfriend on the phone, her volume only rivaled by the drunk middle aged women sitting next to Paige who at the end of the ride had decided, as a group, that "Loretta" was most definitely leaving her husband, and she'd gotten Sarah to agree to ghost write the novel about it- Age....
-Back in New York, all of the girls go their seperate ways, giving hugs and saying "we have to do it again soon!"- Age 37
-Paige goes to fake hug Holly, but really just pulls up the back of her dress instead, in retaliation Holly pulls down the top of Paige's dress- Age 13

-Shawn comes over and gives Holly her birthday gifts, which make Holly cry they are “so swweettt” -Age 55
-Holly, Marena, Kelsey, and Shawn all go to Blue Ribbon for some high class bar fare-Age 35
-Marena gets a doggie bag for mashed potatoes only-Age 8

-Paige goes to meet Steven who patiently listens to her recount the weekend and feeds her a salad- Age 24
-Steven has rented "Legion", Paige complains its too scary but falls asleep before the opening credits are finished, at 9:15pm- Age 8

So, in the end our average age was 21.9. Which we think, is exactly how you and all your friends should be acting when celebrating your 25th Birthday. Thanks to all our lovely girlfriends who made this weekend such a hilarious success... we'll be doing it again... soon.

Forever your Girls,

Holly and Paige

Just Sayin:

2010-06-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

that is all...

Maturity Index:

2010-06-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

RUMSPRINGA

17 years

Every year the good people of the amish community allow their adolescent children to experience a time called "Rumspringa" which translates literally into "running around". After the Amish kids "run around" they are asked to decide between Amish baptism or life as a civilian. This is a true test of grit and maturity, not unlike the test of a Memorial Day, three day weekend that included a bachelorette party, a 25th birthday, massive amounts of day drinking and multiple BBQs. How did we non-Amish ladies fare when our maturity was tested with our own Rumspringa (emphasis on the rum! harharhar)? Lets find out....

Friday:
-Because she has the day off, Holly puts on a bikini under her clothes to go lay out at McCarren park-Age16
-Holly goes into bathroom to change out of bikini during lunch as it was basically late-fall weather-Age 9
-Holly and Shawn try 6 cheeses at the Bedford Cheese Shop while Holly profusely apologizes for all the effort the cheese counter guy puts into cheese samples-Age 30
-Holly makes Shawn go to Buffalo Exchange to see if they can get Holly a pair of pants to wear to dinner as Holly has dressed for the beach-Age 9
-Shawn isn't set on the J Brand flares so Holly wears Shawns pants instead- Age 13

-Paige wears a sequin glitter crop top to dinner with Steven at Mooncakes- Age 15

-Paige and Steven go to the final night of the Whitney Biennial- Age 45

-When faced with the staggering line for entry Steven employs some of his "city kid gangster shit" by pulling entry stickers off people exiting the museum, fastening the stickers to his and Paige's shirts, and explaining to the guard that they are members (not true)- Age 14

-They stop on the way home to get Chipwhiches- Age 8

Saturday:

-All the roommates lay out on the roof and use their Blackberries to track down Kristy's favorite song from adolescence "Something More Beautiful" by Nikki Webster- Age 12 (because that's probably how old Nikki was when she recorded it, and its creepy. We were going to attach a video of her singing, but this is kinda photo shoot video of her is sorta better)

-Paige and Chrissy head to Brooklyn Flea and indulge in some Asia Dogs. "Mines like a Bhan Mi but with a wiener in it!"- Age 23

-On the way to the grocery store, Paige and Chrissy detour and get pitchers of Bud Heavy at Hot Bird- Age 20

-Finally at the grocery store Chrissy and Paige pick up the ingredients for what is about to become Paige's finest mixologist achievement to date "The RUMspringa". Coconut water, orange pineapple juice, pink ginger ale, frozen strawberries.- Age 24

-Kristy and Holly's childhood friend who is soon-to-be-married comes into town with her friend, they all go to get lunch, walk the BK bridge, and then back home to get ready-Age 24

-Kristy and Holly pass out the Bachelorette party goodie bags they made consisting of:
-2 Tootsie Pops each -Age 6
-1 Candy necklace each (only to be eaten by BOYS)- Age 15
-1 String of silver Mardi Gras beads- Age 13
-2 White hair barrettes shaped like bows-Age 2
-1 pair glitter Hello Kitty heart-shaped plastic sunglasses-Age 4
-1 puffy painted shirt reading "Game On" (The bride-to-be read "Game On") -Age 24
-Everyone drinks lots and dances to Holly's wedding/love/lust including "Going to the Chapel" by the Dixie Cups and "Single Ladies", obviously-Age 21

-Paige gets a little feisty from the Red Bull and smack-talks the creepy drunk bald man saying gross things to the girls on the subway platform. Paige's "feisty" attitude and filthy mouth lead the Midwestern out-of-town girls to say, "Paige is very Philly"- Age 30 (and male, and shameful. But seriously that guy had it comin')

-The first stop off the train is Mason Dixon, all six girls line up to ride the mechanical bull, barely noticing the bar is full of sailors for Fleet Week- Age 18

Holly on bull

-Chrissy is an extremely sensual bull-rider- Age 25

-Everyone complains that that "no hot guys are buying us shots" so we leave- Age 18

-The girls finally convince one cab driver to let all 6 girls in the cab and convince him to "pump this jam!" when Bulletproof by La Roux comes on- Age 19

-An extremely sweaty dance session occurs climaxing with Paige and Holly taking turns tackling each other onto the couches in the back of Beauty Bar (Holly just remembers this as Paige dancing on the couch, decide for yourselves)- Age 14

-Somewhere along the way Paige's knee starts bleeding.- No Age, just gangster.

Blood on the Dancefloor

-Tucked into Paige's bed just in time for the sun to come up, Paige and Holly drunk dial just about everyone they know (Holly's boyfriend refused to talk about message left the next day)- Age 18

Sunday:

-Holly gets up earliest and starts making coffee, birthday muffins, fruit salad and yogurt parfaits for Kristy's 25th birthday brunch- Age 35

-Paige gets up a little later and pours Andre and off-brand orange juice into wine glasses as her brunch contribution- Age 20

-At the kitchen table the girls enjoy Holly's muffins and swap stories about embarrassing childhood moments (someone had a back brace...) and what it feels like heading toward "middle age"- Age 40

-Paige, Holly and Chrissy bring out Kristy's birthday cake. This time it has a "Stone Street" on it made out of marshmallows (Kristy meets boyfriends on Stone Street in the Financial District... you should try it!) and there is also a cat with marshmallow eyes.- Age 14

-After brunch all the girls lay on the roof and put Sun-In in their hair- Age 12

-Everyone has large bruises and even some scabbing on their inner thighs which looks like something really F*@#&d up happened, but it was all just the bull riding incident-Age 19

-After much thought, Paige and Chrissy decide they should go on the Kelly Bensimon Diet (KBD) which consists solely of beer and "gum berries" or anything with high fructose corn syrup- Age 18

-The girls lay around the apartment, watch Real Housewives, paint their nails, take naps and ask Steven to be their bartender then accuse him of skimping on the booze- Age 24

-The girls and Steven head to Chelsea for their friends rooftop BBQ, they take in the view, are inflicted with an incurable case of "apartment envy"- Age 24

-Paige and Steven head home early- Age 45

-Chrissy and Holly play a poor excuse for beer pong- Age 17

-Chrissy and Holly get the party host to pay a whopping $1.29 for Miley's party hit "Party in the USA", Holly dances to this alone while entire party, Shawn included, silently watch-Age 16
-Holly makes Shawn and Chrissy do cute poses pretending they are a couple, then she gets jealous because they do a remarkably good job-Age 16
-Holly takes a picture on her phone of Chrissy talking to a chiseled young man and sends to Paige and Kristy-Age 12
-Holly passes out in party hosts bed (alone)-Age18
-Chrissy and about 1/3 of party join in on having a sleep party, although Holly is serious about this and demands a blanket to accommodate the 85-degree weather-Age 15
-Shawn brings the girls home via taxi and puts them in bed-Age 18

Monday:

-Paige finally catches up on her sleep, snoozing in Steven's air conditioned "sleep cave" till 10:30- Age 18

this bear sleeping in a cave is totally relevant

-Paige cruises around Soho where she purchases two identical lace tank tops, a $4 dress, and (just what she needs) more bracelets. She visits Steven at Ground Support and gloats over her new (under $15!) outfit- Age 16

-Paige and Steven ride bikes around Prospect Park where Paige is awkwardly, accidentally hit with a Nerf ball while on her bike. She feels sad- Age 13

-Holly goes to Greenpoint to aid in Shawn's bbq-Age 24
-They get in a minor league fight about the amount of sausages to buy (Holly goes for the larger number, obviously)-Age 22

-Chrissy comes over (beer in hand), and Holly's friend Marissa from Minnesota comes by and everyone eat's Shawn's gourmet meal-Age 24
-Marissa, Holly, and Chrissy take a car back to Brooklyn just in time to join Paige and Steven for a bike ride to Havana Outpost for dinner and margs-Age 24

-The group snags an extremely hard-to-come-by table and Paige is given the job of warding off grumpy families who try to encroach on the territory. Paige has to get a little "Philly" a few times- Age 21

-Everyone enjoys the yummy (and environmentally friendly!) food, except Holly who feels sick and excuses herself to the street to vomit on a Mercedes- Age 15

-Back at home everyone piles on the couch, absent-mindedly flipping back and forth between The Jersey Shore and an old episode of Jackass- Age 13

So, this is uncomfortable. Kind of like an amish kid coming home to his parents after Rumspringa, knowing full-well he has to live with what he's done, but cold hard fact is that our average age from last weekend was 17 years old. There's not much more to say except that next weekend Holly turns 25. To celebrate we will be headed out of town with some of our lady friends and family ("lady" used loosely) for a romantic Atlantic City shitshow to celebrate a gaggle of summer birthdays and run a 9-person brothel out of a single hotel room. So expect next weeks Maturity Index to involve, cake, guidos, guidettes, partying in the USA and Paige pushing people into pools. But don't expect to hear the full story because like, what happens in AC STAYS IN AC.... Are we right?!!?

Forever Your Girls,
Holly and Paige

HUMPDAY:

2010-05-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

are you kidding??

Forever 21 Apocalypse

Paige and myself have some nice things. We each own a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag, we each own remarkably good fake Chanel bags, have matching pairs of Jeffrey Campbell's made entirely of wood, Paige has a Ralph Lauren prom dress and I own a thrifted St. John skirt suit. But honestly that’s about as luxurious as it gets between the two of us. So it’s really no secret that the majority of our clothing comes from the one and only Forever 21. Why pay $199 for a pair of jeans when you could pay $9? Or why pay $25 for a t-shirt when you could pay $2.50? Why pay $2750 for an evening gown when you could pay $27.50? Seriously, the list goes on.

Forever 20-rug

And we really don’t need nor deserve nice things. I am constantly spilling everything from mustard to merlot on my clothes, while Paige’s favorite clothing items literally serve as an area rug for the floor of her room.

Forever 21 across the board, well, except for Kate but she's our classy British friend

So when the mustard stain won’t come out or Paige is in no shape to do laundry, she and I and all of our cash-strapped friends stop by Forever 21 for a new $33.00 wardrobe.

That, as Paige pointed out this morning, is slowly starting to change.

It's fun trying hats at Forever21 and pretending to mourn something!

Skirts that used to run for $11.50 are now $17.00 while we both figure their prom dress 2010 collection (that we buy and wear) has gone up at least 20% this year. What gives?!
So this hump day goes out to Paige, myself, our friends, girls who like cheap leopard print sweater dresses, 14-year olds, and every other woman/tween that relies on Forever 21 to get an affordable shopping fix.

FDP Harajuku style

We understand your frustration with not wanting to pay $5 more than you’re used to for a basically disposable night-on-the-town dress. What’s next? Having to pay for underwear that costs more than $3? Shoes for more than $19.80? We won’t stand for it.

We advise all of you frugal fashionistas to choose your items wisely this Memorial Day weekend, happy Hump Day.

We'll leave you with this killer Haul Video that features Forever 21 and lots of tween vernacular. This girl is kinda great, and how badly do you want a closer look at her bracelet collection? And if her career as a "Haul" girl goes belly up we seriously think she could make it in perfect eyelining.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

Maturity Index:

2010-05-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Beagle Howls and Mourning LOST

This weekend was a bit of a dark one. Literally, it was quite cloudy. And figuratively, Paige was really sad about one of her favorite shows ending (you know how we get about TV). But as with the ending of anything, we chose to look forward. Even discussing matching swim-wear for the 4th of July.

Friday:

Holly:

-Goes to Brasserie Ruhlman with coworkers for after work cocktails- Age 32

-Has her glass refilled twice over anyone else- Age 21

-Same goes for French fry consumption- Age 9

-Holly and boss start planning office talent show contest while Holly plots her tap dancing routine in her head- Age 12

-Holly meets Shawn by the Endless Summer Taco Truck in Williamsburg, where she stands next to the painting of the Mexican lady on the truck because they are "twins"--Age 16

"Gemelos"

-At the bar, Holly insists on "opening a can of Shufflebard whoop ass" with Shawn, however the opposing team totally dominates any sort of drunk shuffleboard skills Holly thinks she had after beating her dad once-Age 18

-Holly whines until Shawn drags her onto the bus to go home-Age 12

Paige

-Paige and Kristy leave Brooklyn to meet Chrissy in the city. Kristy's Riannah-inspired Charlotte Russe shoes break on the way to the train, they detour and purchase Super Glue to repair the wedges. This only works for a few minutes until the other shoe breaks too. Kristy is made to shuffle-walk the whole night. Glue Shoes...- Age 16

-Drink mason-jar margaritas at Sweet and Viscous with roommates- Age 25

-Krisys boyfriend bribes Paige with free gin and tonics if she will agree to come to the next bar with them and "Please be nice" to his friends- Age 21

-Paige can only be nice for one more drink before walking home to Steven's house, they eat ice cream and watch some vampire movie- Age 13

Saturday:

-Paige is the fist person at Old Navy, scoping matching "Patriotic Bikini's" for she and Holly (And you, Barb!) to wear on the 4th of July- Age 13

Star Spangled Tan Lines

-Paige, Kristy and Chrissy meet for "breakfast" of street vendor hot dogs, discuss the previous night- Age 16

-Paige and Chrissy meet emily on the Upper East Side for an exhibit of "artifacts" from the set of LOST, nerd-out over the Dharma Van and Mr. Clucks costume- Age 20 (and super nerdy)

-The girls get brunch at Paige's favorite childhood diner, E.J.'s. They order mimosas and talk about men, but never once do they compare themselves to "Sex and The City" (thats how you know you are actually becoming a New Yorker)- Age 25

-Holly and Shawn go to Willyburg farmers market for breakfast, Holly makes sure not to fill-up on an organic breakfast as not to spoil her future FroYo-Age 12

-Holly "beagle howls" at beagles passing by-Age 9

-Paige, Holly and Chrissy reconvene on couch and watch movie trailers on Paige's computer. Paige is bossy and they fight over what to watch:

-Paige likes the movie about the people who run a postitiute ranch- Age 24

-Holly chooses the one about the Argentinian writer, it has subtitles- Age 40

-Chrissy insists on "Despicable Me"- Age 8

-They all get a little teary-eyed at "Eat, Pray, Love"- Age 30

-After all the previews have been watched everyone settles-in for a Lifetime Movie Block entitled "Dysfunction Junction"- Age 37

-In one, Anne Heche is a junky bum-mom who's daughter, Kristen Bell (xoxo, Gossip Girl) saves the day.

-In the following, Kiersten Dunst is a preggo 15 year old with a huge attitude problem, go figure.

Bum Mom

-After her plans fall through, Paige debates whether or not to leave the house, considering she has a chin-zit AND the first-ever episode of "Sex and the City" is on TBS- Age 15

-Paige decides to go out anyways, since TBS severely censors the SATC, meets Kristy in DUMBO, plays beer pong- Age 18

-Holly forces Shawn to spend his Saturday watching SATC reruns-Age 20

-They eat spicy Indian, Shawn admits to having seen most of the episodes, pass out-Age 31

Sunday:

-Holly makes Paige a plate of leftover Indian, that Paige eats while wrapped in a faux fur blanket at 8am-Age 24

-Holly warns Paige about the Vindaloo lamb spiciness, Paige eats it carelessly and does some little coughs-Age 17

-Paige is couch-ridden, watches "The Jersey Shore", naps- Age 19

-Holly comes home from Soho shopping and talks about going to the gym while eating rest of Indian (that stuff can really stretch!) and watching new episodes of the Real Housewives of New Jersey-Age 24

-Paige and Holly do routine smack talk on housewives while tease-throwing bags, water bottles, etc at each other- Age 15

-Paige and Chrissy prepare for the LOST series finale by making treats: lasagna aka "LOSTsagna" and Gar-Locke Bread- Age 23 (again, way nerdy)

-Holly tries to contribute (she is not a Lost watcher/follower) and makes the connection that LOST's Juliette is played by the same woman who played Angelina Jolie's girlfriend in the movie "Gia", congratulates herself, then goes to bed-Age 20

-Paige eats ice cream, cries a lot at LOST, has a hard time falling asleep because she's "Seriously, just so sad"- Age 24 (and kind of pathetic)

Seriously. Like, so sad.

This slightly-uneventful weekend aged us at 20 years old. Next weekend Paige needs to stop crying about LOST and man-up, and Hols needs to go easy on the fro-yo because we have business to attend to. Bachlorette-ish party AND Kristy's Birthday! Age is just a number.

Forever your Girls,

Paige and Holly

2010-05-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

Paige and Holly's Countdown to Atlantic City

As my mother would say, “It’s good to have things in life to look forward to”. Well yeah.

Could anyone forget the raging success of TGIF (the restaurant and the phrase and the two hour television block featuring Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Moesha, Full House and Sister, Sister)? Or those little Y2K clocks? Or the digital clocks counting down to the end of Bush's presidency? The 12 days of Christmas? 8 nights of Hanukkah? All of these are tools used in getting people hyped up for something great.

Well Paige and I have lots of things coming up that we're looking forward to:
This Friday, this Saturday afternoon, Saturday night...oh, and Atlantic City June 5th.

Besides booking one room at Harrah’s AC (for about 8 girls to share) and wondering how this night-club-that’s-in-the-pool-is-going-to-work-because-does-that-mean-you-wear-your-stringy-bikini-to-a-bar?

This is for realsies the pool club disco bikini bar we are going to

We really haven’t done much planning.

So we’ll start now, here’s the countdown/checklist/to do/get this shiz done list in anticipation of our Atlantic City trip, our TGIACTB (Thank God It’s Atlantic City Time Biotch).

10.Purchase enough stringy bikinis that can be worn to the swim up bar AND the nightclub bar
9. Figure out how this nightclub bar pool deal works
8. Deciding whether or not one can wade instead of swim to the swim-up bar. (Swimming + Tequila afternoon = Danger)
7. Determine kind of booze we will be sneaking onto train/hotel/possible into pool nightclub bikini disco.
6. Buy train tickets
5. Watch as much of The Real Housewives of New Jersey to pick up current swimwear trends, slang, club wear (bikinis?), etc. Oh, this includes some faux Jersey tats!

Tats on backs!

4. Go to Costco or similar bulk food emporium to stock up on snacks because "I'm not spending a DIME once we get there."
3. Put together an ultimate AC playlist with an appropriate balance between Jersey's own Bruce Springstein, and you know, Ke$ha and such.
2. Start "recycling" water bottles that will house our "sneaky booze" as we wander around the hotel and nightclubpoolbardiscoteque.
1. Learn to play cards (Go Fish!, Old Maid, and War don't count) so we can respectfully win cash$$$ in the casino.

We will keep you updated with how our countdown is going and feel free to comment on what else we should probably add to our check list.

Remember when these ladies tried their luck in A.C?

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

The kind of pictures you can expect us to be looking at on my 25th birthday, June 6th. Note the blur.

HUMPDAY:

2010-05-12T13:32:00.001-07:00

At least you aren’t a girl between the ages of 4 and 13.

Today, USWeekly.com confirms that Justin Bieber went on a date with a girl last night. And not just any girl, forget feeling happy for some no-name leggy 8 year-old. Music/movie/$$$ making Miley Cyrus was the lucky young lady escorted to sushi by Justin Bieber and his hair-do.

Oh Miley. Although being the spawn of the creator of “Achy Breaky Heart” isn’t something to be jealous of, Miley’s got it made pole dancing on Nickelodeon award shows to sell her albums.

Does she really get to be bff’s with Ryan Seacrest AND eat raw fish with Justin Bieber? This doesn't seem fair. And, why do we, as 24 year-old women, decide this is even worth caring about? Probably because we remember all too well just what it felt like to be a jealous tween.

For the ladies of the 90's generation, let's remember what it feels like:

-This would have been like all three Hanson brothers playing POG with Christina Ricci.
-Or Jonathan Taylor Thomas taking Jodie Swetin for Ben & Jerry’s.

J.T.T. with flowers and a vest, consider them a gift!

-Or Devon Sawa caught playing tonsil hockey with Kirsten Dunst while “Dreamlover” plays in the background.

Devon Sawa without pants, consider it a gift.

-Or Joshua Jackson dating the deviant girl who plays hockey in figure skates in The Mighty Ducks.

Joshua Jackson, 9 years old and all sweaty, consider it a gift.

-Or the lead singer from Ace of Base going to a rave with Macauley Caulkin.

It’s all just not fair.

This is for you, young ladies who carelessly eat Haagen Daz on a Friday night in Limited Too silk P.J.’s watching Twilight and listening to Jordan Sparks. Although we envy your metabolism and your maid (your mother), we totally get the jealous rage you feel against Miley. This humpday goes out to you, your girlfriends, and your in-the-closet boyfriends. And Justin Bieber, if you’re reading this, you can do better, say, triple dating 2 twenty-four year old’s that wear matching outfits and ALSO like sushi?

You know where to find us.

Forever your girl,

Holly

Maturity Index:

2010-05-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

This week Holly jetted off to the Midwest and Paige rode bikes and wore Holly's flannel. Lets see how old that made them:

Friday:
Paige:

-After work Paige drinks the Margarita Holly left in the freezer from Wednesday (Cinco De Mayo) and watches The Real Housewives of New York while thinking about how tired the work week had made her- Age 35

-Paige, Sarah, Kristy and Chrissy paint their nails neon colors and listen to the Jay-Z Unplugged album and do a fashion show of each-others clothes.- Age 14

-Everyone rides bikes to a Mission Dolores, a new outdoor bar in Park Slope, all while sining Mary J's part in "Can't Knock the Hustle" and trying to high-five while cruising on bikes....in heels- Age 19

-At Mission Dolores, the girls all order one drink and then chug water for the rest of the evening because everyone wants to be in good shape for the ride back- Age 29 (And the smartest, most mature move ever)

-After not meeting any cute boys, and not bothering to talk to anyone besides each other, the girls ride back. They contemplate getting tacos at Mayan Taqueria, but then remember how weird the owner was two weeks ago, so they head home and watch Sex and the City and eat "Mac N' Cheese by Chrissy".- Age 16

Holly:
-Wakes up early to have half regular/half decaf coffee with her grandparents who reside in Omaha, NE-Age 60
-Holly goes to see her little sisters new Omaha estate-like apartment, which is half the price and triple the size of Holly and Paige's place. Her complex includes 3 pools, a gym, a movie theater, and probably a has a pony corral somewhere in there too. Holly attempts to appear unimpressed and points out that Biggie wasn't born in Omaha, he was born in BROOKLYN-Age 14

-Holly is decently-well behaved during Marina's graduation ceremony, only making a few cracks about the better-looking Dental School graduates and their "hand talents"-Age 24
-Holly says Marena looks like a "little bride" in front of Marena's new boyfriend-Age 16
-Later at Marena's graduation party, Holly and Marena sing and (mostly) dance to TLC's "Creep" while holding hands-Age 16

-Holly's parents take her back to the hotel where Holly finishes off a bag of Cheese Chex Mix and passes out-Age 21

Saturday:
Paige:

-Its raining, so everyone sleeps till NOON- Age 16 (and gross)

-Everyone finally wakes up, gets dressed in biking gear (short dresses and booty shorts?) and preps by eating a breakfast of popsicles and listening to Madonna- Age 14

-Paige leads everyone on a new, streamlined route to the Red Hook Taco Trucks (which are finally in season!). The girls assess the trucks then settle on meals of shrimp, chicken, pork, and beef tacos, plantain and oaxaca cheese papusas, grilled corn with mayonnaise cotija cheese and chilli powder, and pina juice. Kristy has a Diet Coke- Age 23

-After the cultural feast, the girls bike (wrong way on a one way street) to DUMBO, get a strange, nervous man to take a picture of them ("only if Shanfeild leaves her helmet on!") and check out the hot dads pushing strollers around- Age 19

-After almost getting run-down while biking on Fulton Street, the girls finally collapse on the couch and find themselves watching "In Her Shoes" on FX, debate over whether Toni Collette was well-cast as Cameron Diaz's sister, all decide this is the weirdest thing we could be watching and switch to The Kardashians- Age 17

-Paige and Chrissy meet Steven at "the secret" Battery Park Movie theatre to see Iron Man Two. The trio eats a large bucket of popcorn before the previews start, Chrissy laughs uncomfortably loudly at a preview for an animated movie and after the movie Paige spends 10 minutes staring at the gum-ball machines, searching her purse for quarters- Age 13

-Paige, Chrissy and Steven enjoy a late dinner in the West Village and discuss topics like online dating, and adoption- Age 34

Holly:
-Holly wakes up and goes to the hotel gym for about 12 minutes-Age 24
-Everyone is disappointed it's too cold to go to Omaha Zoo, so instead Holly and her mom go to the Lincoln Mall-Age 30
-where they shop for a button-up sweatsuit with embroidered butterflies for Holly's grandmother, a tiger-skin trench for Holly, and Linda buys a pair of "Not Your Daugher's Jeans" that Heidi Klum also owns-Age 40
-Holly, her 15-year old sister, and her dad have a relatively serious conversation about that Playmate Kendra's new sex scandal-Age 13
-Everyone reconvenes later for pizza and Marena wears her grad-cap throughout. Holly is jealous, and brings up the time she beat Marena in arm wrestling-Age 24
-Everyone watches Betty White on SNL and Holly is very uncomfortable sitting between her grandpa and dad during the NPR skit talking about Betty White's moist "muffin"-Age 16

Sunday:
Paige:

-Paige wakes up early and has a nice chat with her mom on Mothers Day- Age 25

-Paige lays on the couch in her robe drinking tea and finishing Valley of the Dolls- Age 40

-Paige meets Chrissy, Sarah and Kristy at Ground Support and they rehash the weekend. Everyone teases Sarah for getting her makeup done at MAC on a sunday morning and Paige calls her "Kim Kardashi-Eyes"- Age 23

-Paige, Chrissy and Kristy "shop" at LF and Free People on Spring street, then SHOP at Forever 21 where Paige whines that she "didn't find a treasure"- Age 16

-Paige and Steven go out to dinner, purchase organic chocolate at Whole Foods to eat while they watch the Banksy documentary "Exit Through the Gift Shop"- Age 35

Holly:
-Holly has a Starbuck's-laced heartfelt goodbye with her family, then has Marena drop her at the airport-Age 24
-Holly sleeps on the plane AND throws her trash away when the stewardess comes around instead of just hiding it in the seat pocket in front of her-Age 24
-Shawn picks Holly up from the airport and shows her the iPhone App he used to check her flight status-Age 40
-They watch "There Will be Blood" and eat Razzles until they need to spit them out because Razzles are pretty gross-Age 14
-Kristy and Chrissy come home and everyone chats about the weekend-Age 24
-Holly whines that she wants to eat her dinner on the couch while wearing sweatpants. Kristy is annoyed by the whining, so Shawn takes Holly Peter's and feeds her 1/2 a chicken to shut her up-Age 15
-Holly and Shawn finish the night eating at Tastee D-lite (Shawn got vanilla and Holly got Peanut Butter Moosemallow)-Age 14

Piage:

22.8 this weekend

Holly:
22.5 this weekend

Consuming fro-yo flavors named after animals is slightly less mature than consciously avoiding men that own taco joints, this gives Paige the edge on maturity this weekend.

Next weekend Paige's Mom and Kristy's whole fam are in town!

Forever Your Girls,
Paige and Holly

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY BARB AND LINDA

2010-05-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

No doubt about it, us FDP girls love our moms. We idolize them, we seek their advice and crave their approval. We use any excuse to tell anyone who will listen about how smart, beautiful, funny and loving our moms are. To us, everyday is basically mothers day, since we can hardly ever get through an hour without thinking WWMD?

So we want to take an opportunity today to thank our fabulous mothers, and all the other mother figures around the world for doing what they do, making sacrifices we can't even comprehend, birthing us, putting up with us, loving us (even when it was hard to) and making us into who we are.

We love you Mummies!

xoxoxox

Forever your (baby) girls,

Paige and Holly

Congratulations Marena!

2010-05-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

My 18 month younger sister, Marena, and I, had always spent our days together, side by side, playing and imagining what the rest of our lives would be like. As children, I wanted to be a lawyer (like Miss Piggy was on a Muppets episode), and Marena yearned to be a cashier. I would “defend” Marena as she sat, quietly, next to me in a “court”, and Marena would ring up our pantry items and tell me to have a nice day.

Marena and I would often sing along to 90’s Disney hits such as “Under the Sea” and “A Whole New World”. I would prance around singing Jasmine and Ariel’s parts, and would force Marena into playing the part of the doe-eyed Arabian street thief or a ballad-sy deep-sea crab.

I always got my first pick of Barbie dolls and Skipper dolls (we both liked Skipper’s bff Courtney because she was had crimped brunette hair). And when it came to Ken dolls we only had one Ken, so I, naturally, got the toothy man doll while Marena’s Skipper doll had to go on dates with a small stuffed clown named Bozo.

Marena and I, though we had separate rooms, beds, bedding, etc, slept in the same bed for most of our childhood. Some night’s we would fight over covers, pillows, or who got the next day’s last bowl of Coco Puffs. Most nights, however, we would use our “indoor” voices talking about how things would be when we were older. How we would both own convertibles and trees made of candy and houses that rivaled that of Daddy Warbucks.

Starting this weekend, we will now BOTH be severely disappointing our younger selves. I am in no way close to near to being a lawyer, and this weekend Marena will officially have a career that is in no way cashier-ish.

Marena, you would have made an awesome cashier, really. However I think you’ll do better at making people’s lives so much better, as you’ve always done for me.

I love you and congratulations Nurse Marena!

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

P.S. Paige, Chrissy, Kristy and I all expect free phsyicals4life.

HUMPDAY:

2010-05-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

At Least You aren't US, In the Wake of James Franco Rumors

Forever and ever and ever no matter what...

So, just on the heels of our excitement about "Howl", and our other "Humpday" post about how it sucks to be any dude that ISN'T James Franco we've been dealt a serious blow. Could it be?! Could it be that Holly and my chances with him are about to become even SLIMMER? In the sage-like words of Lo Bosworth, "there's been talk...".

What we wouldn't give to gossip with Lo while watching Audrina eat something...

Daily Intel (aka the gods honest truth) is speculating that the love of our collective lives, our dream man, our body pillow, our holy grail James Franco could be gay.

Could it be?

Don't get us wrong, Holly and I love the gays and their Christmas pageants, and their literature and fashion and all the other wonderful things us straight people borrow from them, but this just doesn't seem fair. I mean, all the hot guys in New York are gay already, do they really need <3james<3>

Ricky with his babies (they got jipped on the skin tone gene)

This sucks. Last year, Holly and I made a "vision board" with all the things we wanted for our lives (this is from the book "The Secret", or something, I think Holly saw it on Oprah). On our vision board we put pictures of:

-a cute puppy (of course)

-two girls (a blond and a brunette) sunning themselves in matching gingham, french-cut bikinis (because we imagine ourselves with a lot of vacation time, and asses that look good in french cut bikinis)

-pictures of books (that we plan to write)

-a picture of Amy Sedaris holding a bunny (because, obviously)

-pictures of Loubuittons (our planned first purchase with our money from the books we'll write)

-a picture of the Eiffel tower (because we're going to take our moms to Paris with all our money)

-a receipt from Olive Garden (because their food is really good)

-BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY there were a ton of pictures of James Franco on there with glittery hearts around his head and script like "James and Holly and Paige Forever"

So, alas, it looks like our vision may never fully materialize if these tragic rumors are true, so we'd like to dedicate this Humpday to ourselves.

Today, be glad you aren't Paige Tibbetts or Holly McManus, sad little girls in gingham bikinis and Louboutins walking their dogs in Paris with their mothers, in search of some decent "Italian" from Olive Garden, and their one true love, James Franco.

So we want to be like this, but on a beach in bikinis in fancy shoes and fancier dogs too.

Forever your Girl,

Paige

PS- James, if you do decide to come out we still love you and fully

support you!

PPS- HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO YALLLLLLLL.

Better Than Prom

2010-05-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

If Paige or I lived anywhere near a mall (besides Harold Square's Manhattan "Mall") we would definitley be those ANNOYING girls trying on every dress in the store, taking pictures, and then politely piling the dresses somewhere, leaving, and re-fueling with a jumbo soft pretzel before going to the next prom dress store. Definitely.

The Manhattan Mall, though it has a soft spot in our hearts, just doesn't cut it as a prom dress destination. Thus, Paige and I are left to live vicariously through other girls wearing pretty and impractical dresses.

Here in New York City, we take impractical dresses to the next level. Today is the day after The Costume Institute's Met Gala, where young starlets, models, Oprah, and rock star's daughters dress in the most fabulous of haute couture and strut around talking to Zac Posen and Taylor Swift.

"Fabulous", however, is subjective. This morning, Paige and I had too much fun texting, bbm'ing, and emailing each other our thoughts on everyone's chosen couture. Like the prom dress-gossip that occurs the day after prom, this is our version of trashing and praising last night's Met's gowns.

Paige's Thoughts:

Its no secret that I love gold lamme and a plunging neckline, I also

love rompers. Lets face it, I love pretty much anything that a background actor in

"Scarface" would have worn, that why I'm really into Chanel Iman's

kind-of-scary, definitely-blinding jumpsuit.

Betty Draper is one of my all-time favorite gals, and I let it go when she

sucked at hosting SNL, I let it go when she divorced Don,

but I cant let this go. She looks like a crazed flamingo superhero

and it makes me very uncomfortable...

Speaking of uncomfortable... PADMA! Just, no! Girlfriend is obviously
really loving her post baby-bod, which is great and everything but
the coper color, the feathered boobs, her stylests apparent lack of a
steamer... pack your knives and go.

Carrey Mulligan, or as I'm goign to call her now Car-Mug is making me

really sad in all these pictures of her. Doesn't she look like shes a

bit more properly dressed to go on a tractor ride at a fun apple

orchard or soemthing? She could pick fresh strawberries and put them

in those hideous pockets, as at treat for later.

Margarita was my "nombre" in Spanish class in high school, its also

one of my favorite things to put in my mouth, but most of all its

Margarita Missoni, I really wish we could be friends, we could share

questionable head gear.

Sienna's navy, plungy, sluttly, lacy getup was a favorite of mine. So

was her date, who is the only blond adult man I've ever felt

attracted to.

Holly's Thoughts:

I'm not a Kate Hudson fan, but she's is one of the greatest flat-chested starlets of all time, and for that reason combined with this being a killer dress, I like this one.

Much like Paige's love for Betty, I love Joan, although am deeply intimidated by her boobies. I mean she is really asking for it, wearing this baby. Blue balls anyone? We are also pretty sure no one is looking at the bird-like decor on her shoulder...

Maybe it's just the summer angst deep inside of me, but, hell-o, slip'n'slide much?

This sparkle disco twirly gown is awesome. It's a Paige/Holly favorite. As if being married to Ferris Bueller and having a job as a pretend sex writer weren't enough, this dress makes us even more jealous of the life of SJP.

Blake famously picks out all of her own stuff, she considers it self-expression. Here, I think she is expressing that she has taken up cha-cha classes and is glad that pants season is over. Or maybe she hurt her bum playing cornhole and this will help when she needs to sit down. Also, is she singing or talking in this one?

This isn't a Halloween party pic circa 2003, but one featuring Dolce and Gabbana's flapper/lingerie/bondage looks at 2003's Met Gala.

Linda Evangelista looks pretty drunk.

Forever Your Girls,
Holly and Paige

Maturity Index: Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner

2010-05-03T10:49:00.001-07:00

So, we cant always do EVERYTHING together... Sometimes Holly has to be a surrogate sister and sometimes I have to drink a giant margarita with my best friend from high school, that doesn't mean Holly and I don't love each other.

This weekend was HOT, that means sunburns, soccer games and frozen adult beverages. Lets see how our independent weekends shook-out.

Paige:

Friday:

-Office party festivities start when Paige and Sarah open a bottle of free Prosecco that was sent to Sarah in the mail a few weeks ago, they drink out of novelty champagne glasses, co-workers join- Age 40

-Paige and Sarah, along with the office interns take a taxi to Happy Ending before the party starts to "help set up". Meaning that they ordered drinks at the bar and watched the interns struggle to set up the sound equipment- Age 23

-When Steven arrives to the party he brings Paige a duck sandwich- No age just...

-Holly and Paige take pictures together in the mirror of the bathroom, on Holly's cell phone- Age13

-Steven and Paige leave the party and go to dinner where Paige gets sleepy and grumpy when her noodles take too long to arrive, Steven puts Paige to bed shortly after- Age 6

Saturday:

-Paige wakes up and heads to the Bleeker Street book store she loves. There, she purchases "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People", she hopes this will make up for the fact that she is also purchasing "Bergdorf Blondes" which, she explains to the store owner is for "research". Paige realizes this sounds dumb and scurries out, embarrassed- Age 23

-Paige and Emily spend the early afternoon laying out on the pier off Christopher st. They eat PEZ and complain that the posse of Speedo-clad men around them are playing too much Aaliyah and not enough Gaga- Age 14

-Paige and Emily meet up with Sarah and Emily's roommate they eat a VERY early dinner at around 4:45 pm- Age 68

-At Caliente Cab where they also had 24 oz Margs in novelty glasses- Age 18

-After watching The Hills, reading Us Magazine and discussing how Shiloh Pitt is being raised as a boy, everyone starts to primp for an evening out- Age 19

-Everyone gets dressed and ready but then distracted and watches Dirty Dancing twice in a row- Age 3 (because thats how old Paige was the last time she watched Dirty Dancing twice in a row)

-Emily, Paige and Jess teach everyone their "clip on" dance move that involves interlocking knees and some synchronized bouncing.- Age 20

-After a fair amount of pre-gaming and Swayze-worshiping everyone heads to Revel in the Meatpacking District.- Age 22

-Typical Meatpacking shenanigans.... Paige has a sleep over at Em and Jess' where they gossip and eat pizza- Age 13

Sunday:

-Paige wakes up early and walks to Ground Support in Soho, complains about "schvitzing in this DISGUSTING heat", this complaint comes 4 days after her complaining "its so cold that I just want to DIE, i can barely feel my toes"- Age 70

-Paige and Chrissy lay on the roof in bikinis and talk about boys. Eventually it gets too hot and they go downstairs and order an extremely random meal from a "Chinese" Restaurant that also curiously serves mozzarella sticks, they eat their food while watching "The Hangover"... again- Age 14

-Paige and Steven get dinner at The Mermaid Inn Oyster Bar, they order the Grand Platter which includes 18 oysters, a bowl of muscles, 12 clams, six king crab legs and shrimp cocktail. Steven accuses Paige of eating 70% of the seafood treats, this is probably the case- Age 23

This weekend I hit the ripe-old age of 24.6, which is almost EXACTLY how old I actually am! I guess the best way to achieve a mature balance is complain about the weather and watch Dirty Dancing.... Lets see if Holly was more or less mature this weekend...

Holly
Friday:
-Go to Brasserie Ruhlman after work with coworkers for champagne and wine-Age 40
-Boss asks if anyone would like French fries, everyone declines as Holly says, “oh yeah, yeeahhhhh French fries”-Age 14
-Everyone politely sips their one glass of champagne, Holly’s is refilled 3 times, which is awkward because everyone totally notices this and Holly is 5 years younger than everyone there-Age 19
-Holly loudly blames refills on closeness to wait staff station, which is absolutely untrue-Age 17
-Holly politely excuses herself to go to an all-you-can-drink-bourbon party in China town-Age 23
-Holly wobbles into Brasserie Ruhlman’s bathroom (marble sinks people) puts on a pair of cutoffs with her working girl blouse and slips out the side door so coworkers don’t see outfit switch and most of Holly’s thighs-Age 16
-Holly joins up with all the ladies at Happy Endings and excitedly orders her (free!) tumbler of Maker’s Mark-Age 19
-And makes a pout face with each sip because straight whiskey will do that to a girl-Age 16
-Holly goes to have dinner with Shawn and his Argentinean grad school friends-Age 30
-Grad school friends did not just suck down 3 glasses of champagne and tumbler of whiskey, yet Holly manages to act sort of sober around sober scientists-Age 24
-Passes out at 10pm on a Friday-Age 12 (Twelve year old’s that aren’t having a slumber party obviously)

Saturday:
-Holly and Shawn decorate Buffalo cake for Shawn’s sister that reads, “Happy Buffday”-Age 15
-Frosting for breakfast-Age 13

-Gets out pineapple chunk-flavored ice pop and lime-flavored ice pop, starts on the pineapple and gives lime to Shawn, but makes him switch because lime is totally better-Age 9
-Shawn leaves and so Holly decides it’s okay to have post-ice pop dessert of Tastee Delight-Age 9
-Tastee Delight on Bedford Ave. is closed on door and Holly does the violent door pulling even thought Tastee Delight it clearly CLOSED-Age 9
-Holly goes into to the city to do Mother’s Day shopping but instead buys herself some things including $5 worth of bodega frozen yogurt-Age 16
-Holly goes home to make salsa to bring to Shawn’s sister’s bday bbq-Age 28
-Holly shows up at bbq and immediately starts recruiting people to finish the handle of deli tequila she got for free-Age 24
-Holly opens up herself a bottle of wine and get’s for real jealous when Shawn’s sis starts talking about her prom dress and still “having” to find glitzy prom shoes-Age 25
-Holly forgoes Revel to instead talk about all the things one can do when they’re 18 (lotto cards, Playboy, Playgirl, oh, and the right to vote)with Shawns birthday sister-Age 18

Sunday:
-Holly goes to Shawn’s soccer game forcing Shawn and his team members to put on sunscreen-Age 52
-Holly doesn’t put any on and get’s fried-Age 12
-Holly goes home and has tub of Acai Sorbet and half a bag of veggie chips while watching The Hangover with Paige and Chrissy-Age 15
-Holly goes to Dumbo bbq get schmoozed by Kristy’s new main man-Age 24
-After 2/3 bottle Chilean wine and 2 mojitos Holly:
-brings up Kristy’s relationship status with Kristy’s new man (will he meeting Kristy’s parents when they come in 2 weeks?)-Age 52
-complains about the dog, Betsy, not being able to bark, and is therefore a useless dog-Age 12
-does NOT fall down the stairs while wearing large wooden shoes-Age 24
-strokes Kristy’s beautiful hair and comments out loud on it’s shine and texture-Age 15
-finally, a car is called for Holly and is asleep by, on a SUNDAY, 12:30am-Age 20

This weekend I was 20.23, which is understandable considering ice-pop swaps and loudly banging on a Tastee D-Lite door, hey, it was hot out remember?

So I was a bit older than Holly this weekend, thats okay! There are no winners or losers in the Maturity Index! Next weekend Holly heads back to the midwest to celebrate her sisters graduation from nursing school, while I hang back to finish all the Georgi in the freezer and borrow her clothes without telling her!

Forever your girl,

Paige

2010-04-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

Eggs, Steak, Men, and Happy Hour

Eggs, steak, men, and Happy Hour. Sounds like an ideal brunch combo, however this list of seemingly dissimilar things have something in common: they are all things that people are particularly picky about, and everyone thinks "their way" is the best. These things are not like the jeans in “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” where one pair of flared Levi's fit America Ferrera AND Blake Lively. No!

Magic pants, or just stretchy jeans?

These preferences are tricky and personal. For instance, I won’t touch over-easy eggs, well-done steak, or men that wear hair gel. I also try to avoid a Happy Hour that doesn't reward my patronage with a killer special on well drinks (vodka!). And while it’s easy to turn a gross over-easy egg into yummy scrambled eggs, take a steak off the grill in time, and stay away spiky-haired guidos, finding the perfect Happy Hour is hard.

Obviously, Happy Hour is incredibly important to us. But why? Lets discuss:
-Happy hour is essentially drinking after work, which is when you REALLY want to be drinking- Check. -It (usually) doesn’t go until 4am, which is fine by me because we are getting too old (ie this isn’t college) to party till 4am on a Monday- Check. -It’s usually cheap- Check. -It has the word ‘happy’ in the title- Check. -We live in New York City, literally an endless buffet of Happy Hour destinations- Check.

So, Happy Hour should always be a joyous and dazzling occasion, right? Depends, sometimes there is unrest! Unlike Beyonce or Jill Zarin, Paige and I are not cool enough to have our friends follow us wherever we want to go, sometimes we have to compromise.

Therefore, we've been to Happy Hours with an abundance of hair-gelled patrons, Happy Hours at bars with TVs, Happy Hours with NO PBR (for Paige) and Happy Hours with vodka drinks over $3. We do this for the ones we love, for our friends who love frat boys who love sports. We owe it to our fabulous and patient girlfriends, who have on many occasions, joined us at bars packed with bearded, unemployed, hipster men, men with questionable hygiene and footwear, who love PBR and other cheap drinks, but will never buy you one.

Last night we chose to say "I Love You" to our girlfriends by suggesting Happy Hour at the new dude-packed Brother Jimmy's in Union Square. How did this compromise treat us? Well, despite Paige getting elbowed in the head by a boy wearing a visor who was trying to aggressively hug Kristy, pretty darn well!

Instead of 12oz. cans of PBR, they had 18oz cans. And instead of paying for $8 vodka drinks a sweet natured, pleated khaki-wearing gent named something like "Cory" paid the fee. We got to see our girlfriends, catch up, watch boys hit-on them and enjoy what ended up being free drinks (as long as we drank them from two foot long straws, whatever)! Yay!

So last night was basically “Sisterhood of the Traveling Happy Hour” if you will. You see, sometimes a well-done steak is pink and juicy on the inside, sometimes you meet a guido with a heart of gold (Tony Danza!) and sometimes a fratty Happy Hour at a cheesy BBQ joint in Union Square doesn't even feel like a compromise.

6 girls drinking for free, thanks to men rocking khakis and visors!- Check

These pics were actually taken on TWO different Brother Jimmy's happy hour trips...

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Maturity Index: Bikes, Hammocks and Other Ways You Know Its Warm

2010-04-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we rode bikes, made treats, watched an embarrassing amount of The Hills and adults made the mistake of inviting us into their home! Did we behave? Let's see how it all played-out on our scientifically-sound Maturity Index...

Friday:
-Holly goes to Karl Denson at the Brooklyn Bowl after pre-gaming with tequila she got for free from a deli-Age 22

-Paige, Kristy and Chrissy drink fancily-crafted, pricey cocktails at a chic speak easy in the 'hood- Age 27

-Around 1:30 am, Paige, Kristy and Chrissy walk home, leaning on each-other and commence making powdered mashed potatoes and watching Cruel Intentions on the CW before passing out on the couch (waking up just in time to cry a little bit at the final montage where Reese is driving away while wearing Sebastian's sunglasses and "Bittersweet Symphony" is playing)- Age 19

Saturday:
-Paige wakes up, roasting. Her electric bed, is set all the way to 10 and she is wearing sweatpants and a flannel shirt and, curiously, matching socks while the sun beats through her window. She decides to start her day- Age 42

-Holly has banana walnut bread for breakfast from Bakeri in Williamsburg-Age 52

-Bakeri bread is followed by a bodega banana Popsicle, just before 10am-Age 6

-Paige goes to the West Village to get her bike from Stevens house, while she is there, she puts his ceramic dog statue on his couch and takes a phone pic of their "practice pet" wearing her sunglasses, laughs hysterically, alone- Age 8

-Everyone meets at home and prepares for the first official group bike ride of the summer- Age 24

-Before they can ride, everyone stops at Vanderbilt Bikes to put air in their tires. While doing this, Chrissy accidentally adds too much air to Holly's old-ass tires and the tires literally EXPLODE. Holly lets out a blood curdling scream and Chrissy is temporarily deafened- No age just, really?

-Holly hangs behind to get new tires while the rest of the gang heads towards Red Hook in search of the famous Red Hook Ballfied Taco Vendors- Age 23

-On the way there Paige and Sarah buy $4 bike helmets from a Tony Soprano-alike, who's gnawing on a nasty cigar and staring at Kristys boobs- Age 18

-Meanwhile, Holly is back at Vanderbilt Bikes trying to set a good example by pretending to look at pricey $34 helmets in an attempt to influence a group of well-dressed cyclist children - Age 56

-Paige makes everyone take a detour to the Gowanus Canal where she makes everyone stop and listen to her talk about the history of the canal, and other boring facts- Age 60

-Finally at the Ballfields, tacos are nowhere to be found. The gang contemplates heading to close-by IKEA for some Swedish meatballs and a new slipcover instead.- Age 30

-The gang rides their bikes to Steve's Key Lime Pie Factory and munches on mini-pies while waiting for Holly and her new tires to catch up- Age 13

-When Holly arrives she tries to feed pie crumbs to the fish in a Koi pond- Age 6

-Divulging more fun facts, Paige points out that the Key Lime Pie factory backs-up to The Real World: Brooklyn house. "Yeah the season with the transvestite"- Age 16

-Everyone rides back to Prospect Heights where, because of the earlier taco fake-out, they decide to quench taco cravings by trying out a new place on Vanderbilt Ave. The prawn and chicken tacos are divine, and come with 5 free chips- Age 21

-Sarah wants to flirt with the man behind the cash reregister, but when he comes outside to talk to the girls they notice his braces and the fact that he's "smoking" an electric cigarette... He also calls the girls "Jersey Girls", so they hop on our bikes and ride home, agitated- Age 14

-At home everyone takes turns taking showers, painting nails and watching The Hills marathon- Age 16

-Holly returns from the grocery and liquor stores with supplies to bring "treats" to Shawn's Earth Day Rooftop BBQ- Age 32

-These supplies include:
-Rum- Age 26
-Peach Georgi Vodka- Age 19
-Ingredients for green and blue Rice Krispy treats- Age 9
-(Fancy) Chips and Salsa- Age 23

-Holly and Sarah commence to making an "earthy treat" Paige invented, called "Earthballs". Earthballs happen when you make a blue batch and a green batch of Rice Krispy treats and mash them together into balls that "look like the earth". This is made even better when you place plastic animals on top of them (we always keep plastic animals on-hand at our house for occasions such as this)- Age 10

-Paige looks-on, cocktail in hand, like a disinterested stepmother, as the other girls do the treat crafting -Age 45 (treat crafting involves buttery hands and the chemical prosesses involved with marshmallow goo and food coloring)

-Holly makes her version of "simple syrup" for Mojitos, which involves putting the mint into the water and sugar combo while its on the stove, which no one else thinks is correct. After it is made Holly absentmindedly pours it down the drain because she is distracting herself by chatting and working simultaneously. She has to make it again, when she probably shouldn't have made in the first place- Age 90

-Everyone is finally ready and carries Holly's offerings of Earthballs, rum, chips and $6 salsa, and curiously colored simple syrup to the train. Though it is cold Holly is still wearing a crop top, and Paige is still wearing cut offs- Age 16

-Holly pairs her crop top with her bunny-skin Juicy Couture hoodie- Age 18 (circa 2004)
-Paige pairs her cut-offs with 6 inch wooden clogs- Age 18 (circa 1974)
-Paige is wearing a jacket made of material that will NEVER decompose (polyster and aluminum?) and Holly is wearing real fur and two types of leather, Go Earth Day!-No age, just that we are rarely so off-theme.

-On the roof, everyone enjoys the expertly barbecued food, hot dogs, burgers, black & tan marinated sausages, turkey burgers, "triple dipped wings" and grilled onions. Which is washed-down with fancy artisanal beers-Age 34

-Embarrassed at how many wings they've been eating, Paige, Kristy, Holly and Steven dispense the bones from their wings on Chrissy's plate. Point-out that it looks like Chrissy had around a dozen wings on her own. Make a big deal out of this. Paige tells her that her plate looks like the boneyard from the "Lion King"- Age 14

-After dinner Paige, Holly, Kristy, Chrissy and Sarah form the record-largest girliple on the roof-top hammock, they make Steven climb dangerously high on the adjacent roof to take pictures- Age 13

Soon, its time for desert. Holly and Paige nervously present their Earthballs, topped with toy animals. This offering is overshadowed by a professional-baker guest who has bested them with beautiful and delicious red velvet mini-cupcakes. Holly and Paige console each-other with the fact that their treat was much more on-theme- Age 11

-A light rain begins to fall and the girl group eventually makes its way inside the apartment, they sit on the couch, browse "High Times" and Holly talks about the soccer game on TV, much to everyones chagrin. A plan is devised to head to Spring Lounge down the street- Age 21

-Before leaving, Paige points out that Sarah's shoes look like thespian "stage shoes". Paige and Sarah begin singing New York-themed Showtunes (in their best "1940's voice) and doing jazz hands-Age 67

-At Spring Lounge everyone stands in the middle of the bar, dancing halfheartedly to Tom Petty songs as their meat meal sits heavy in their stomachs- Age 50

-By 11pm everyone decides that the night probably hit its apex of awesomeness in the "Ham(mock) Girlpile" and everyone heads home- Age 24

Sunday:
-Paige and Steven go to brunch at The New French followed by an open house- Age 42

-Holly goes to brunch at Le Gamine and covers her meal with spicy French mustard while trying to get her boyfriend to talk about his Hebrew School experience-Age 24

-Holly, Shawn, Kristy and Chrissy watch more of The Hills marathon and discuss the pros and cons of plastic surgery-Age 19

-At Stevens house Paige watches "The Assassination of Jesse James" and texts Holly about how awesome it is, to which Holly responds "Its awesome, but its scary, it's shitballs scary."- Age 16

-Back in Brooklyn, Holly and Paige sit on the couch and eat Laffy Taffy push-up pops and finish The Hills marathon, watch a really depressing 16 and Pregnant, and go to bed at 10- Age 15

So, guys! Despite all The Hills-watching, treat-eating, and teasing that went on this weekend, our average age was 26.5! Thats the most mature we've ever been, if I'm not mistaken. Let's chalk it up to the open house-attending and the fact that we hung out with some married people at that Barbecue.

Next weekend, we celebrate two birthdays! Paige's employer THE L MAGAZINE turns 7, and throws a boozy bash, followed by beloved FDP gal Emily's belated 24th celebration. Plus our apartment turns youth hostel with 3 extra guests!

Forever your girls,

Paige & Holly

BRAIN PORN

2010-04-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

"I saw the great minds of my generation destroyed by hotness"

You guys, this is so awesome that when I was watching the clips I almost burst into flames. I know, we talk about him too much, but we had to help spread these tidings of good cheer.

It was confirmed today that the ultimate in brain porn is actually going to be available to all. The much buzzed-about Sundance fave "Howl" was picked up by a studio with actual money and will be in theaters in September. With James Franco as Allen Ginsberg and JON HAMM playing is defense lawyer in the trial that took place after the awesomely awesome "HOWL" was published.

Excuse me, my eyes are bleeding.

I'm getting heart palpitations. The Beats, Jon Hamm, James Franco, movies, California in 50's, sticking it to the man?... thats like 6 of my top 10 favorite things. If they could figure out a way to include neon accessories, popsicles, puppies and bike rides in this movie.. then we'd really be in business.

See you in September!

Forever your Girl,

Paige

PS- I just googled "James Franco Pillow Case" because I wanted to get Holly a present. I couldn't find one.

Maturity Index

2010-04-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

Blindfolded and eating Mustard

The weather was warmer than was predicted, and we had more booze than was predicted. Let’s see how last weekend added up!

Friday:
-Holly goes home and cuddles with sleepy Chrissy on the couch while reading about Anne Sextons steamy letters to a monk in Sexton’s autobiography and simultaneously watching The Shining-Age 42
-Paige and Sarah come baring gifts of champagne, raspberry vodka, and gifted, grossly syrupy strawberry liquor-Age 21

-Free, gross, berry liquor drinks are made. Everyone except Holly spits them out-Age 14
-Paige squeals with joy when she realizes a brand new Degrassi episode is on, and fills everyone in on what the episode is about as she has obviously been watching the previews for it since last Friday- Age12
-Everyone agrees Degrassi episode about a pervy basketball coach who forces his star player to "do it" with a prostitute named Stacy was “awesomeeeeee”.-Age 13
-Everyone says they are hungry and so we all make another drink-Age 24

-Everyone FINALLY gets motivated and gets their butts to Union Hall to play bocce. -Age 24
-Bocce waitlist is 9 inches long and Paige pouts a little bit, and then falls asleep on Holly’s shoulder-Age 7
-Everyone decides to take a cab home, but instead make a pit stop at the soccer bar Woodworks-Age 24
-Order 2 cans of Modelo, Woodworks Nuts (Paige, “WOOD NUTS!”), and a gruyere grilled cheese-Age 16
-Grilled cheese comes with world’s most delicious pickles. Paige announces this, and the creepy waiter asks Paige (2 inches from her face) if she "wants more of my pickles"- Age 15
-Girls eat pickles, and WOOD NUTS, and grilled cheese and stumble home to bed-Age 21

Saturday:
-Holly wakes up to go to kickboxing class and is polite to the sweating, grunting man in class who has positioned himself within elbow's length -Age 24
-Paige, Sarah, Kristy, and Chrissy enjoy a brunch of, of course, pizza- Age 22
-Holly is in need of “cheesy cappuccino” to drink while walking around Fort Greene. Everyone follows suit stopping at our favorite bodega for delicious cappuccino that comes out a machine-Age 17 (note: delicious beverage DOES NOT contain cheese).
-Holly saw a white dress with see-through cutouts on the way home form gym and makes everyone look at/gawk at dress in Fort Greene urban boutique-Age 16
-Everyone goes in What’s Next? Urban shoe store. Soon, they have to leave because it smells like a port-a-potty and carries threatening tank tops that feature a "7 Deadly Sins" grapic-Age 16

-Everyone gets a manicure-Age 14
-Holly picks out several neon colors for Paige, which Paige is of course contemplates, but shocks everyone by picking an off-white shade named “Walking Down the Aisle”-Age 42
-Paige gets “wedding jitters” and has her manicurist take off the milky white color and replace it with a more appropriate highlighter-yellow shade-Age 12
-Paige and her manicurist swap shopping tips-Age 13
-Paige and Holly hold hands and show off their manicures. Decide their hot purple/yellow nail combo resemble the colors of 90’s basketball team-Age 12, but are making 90’s jokes, so age 24
-The girls go to Target and Holly pouts because no one else wants to buy an electric snow cone machine. Paige complains and pouts about not wanting to spend money on a new hairdryer, even though her old one sounds and smells extremely dangerous-Age 12
-Holly buys Chex Mix (that she opened in the store) and plastic popsicle makers-Age 11
-Paige buys a value pack of Hello Kitty chap-sticks that she shares-Age 11
-Holly goes home to watch the new household copy of New Moon-Age 15
-Holly and Paige meet up in the city later to discuss having an ebay store collaborate on their blog-Age 24
-Holly and Paige share a quick PB&J and then part for the night-Age 14

Sunday:
-Paige, Holly, Chrissy, and Holly’s bf share some homemade brunch and subtly argue over NY Magazine’s Best Neighborhoods in New York, (ie Why does it mean that Greenpoint has the most atheists AND gymgoers?!)-Age 24
-Holly and boyfriend go to the Guggenheim to see the new Haunted exhibit, Holly is disappointed this actually doesn’t involve seeing pictures of poltergeists-Age 14
-Paige and her friend babysit, they take the baby to a playground they get nervous about the baby falling and hurting herself, they return to the baby's house to find themselves locked out. They attempt to take the baby to a bar to "hang out" till the parents get back, and instead end up feeding her pea soup at a cafe and taking funny pictures of the baby covered in green slime- Age 19
-Paige and Holly meet at home later to conduct a much needed Mustard Mystery Test-no age, because this was a little weird even for us

-Holly makes more raspberry liquor raspberry vodka diet lemonade cocktails to cleanse palate while tasting mustard-Age 21
-Holly and Paige go about blindfolding each other, and putting mustard on each other's faces while their boyfriends draw and read quietly nearby-again, no age, just, we are lucky to have each other and people that put up with us
-Bedtime: 10:19pm-Age 17

This weekend we proved to be 19.4, which we understand. When blindfolds and nuts are involved we know things can get a little crazy. Next weekend there’s a funk concert at the Brooklyn Bowl and Earth Day, which means the need to recycle beer cans and Georgi bottles!

2010-04-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

FDP Trend Showcase

Paige and I are notorious for “working”. We write our blog, email each other about our blog, and check Saturday’s Lifetime movie schedule all while getting paid. What we don’t usually mention, is that we look and even obsess over other blogs. We of course love all of New York Magazine’s blogs, Grub street included. We read food blogs (orangette.com!) and our friends’ blogs. All of these have witty commentary, tell personal and embarassing stories, or fill us in on who Jill Zarin has recently pissed off.

Our favorite, however, are the ever controversially relevant fashion blogs. We envy their shoe collections, shiny hair, homemade ripped nylons, and spectrum of combat boots. Let’s remember here that Paige and I have JOBS and therefore cannot go around wearing shirts that only cover up half our rear ends with some lederhosen. So Paige and I say F#@K IT! We are going to have a little style section on our blog. Sure 85% of our clothing will be Forever21, and 0% will be a pair of Alaia platforms, but so are most of the outfits we see strutting through NYC. We will, however, like our beloved favorite fashion bloggers, mock/reinact/give a shot at the fashion bloggers signature poses, facial expressions, props, etc.

Best/Most Used/Rediculous Fashion Blogger pose ever: The Sad-Faced Squat

Our Version. See. We are squatting and looking...sad...

Why take our standard shot of us smiling, hand on hip, in our kitchen, when we could get a shot of the two of us frowning in front of the milk section at the grocery store?

This is one of our fav bloggers wearing fur AND faux felt AND faux blood

Of course, we will show our followers our point of view. For example, had this been our freshman year in college our point of view would be short denim skirts.

Nicely paired here with leggins...

Wohoa! Jean skirt with sheer lace top and JWOWW hoops.

I should probably stop now. But more fun FDP fashion to come!

Forever Your Girl,
Holly

2010-04-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

Fleablogging

Hey we just want to give a holler to Brownstoner's Brooklyn Flea blog for hollering at us.

http://www.brooklynflea.com/2010/04/ha_ha.html

We usually get hollered at while walking by the Bergen Street basketball courts but this is definitely better and entirely different.
Thanks Brooklyn Flea! See you, like, every Saturday.

Forever Your Girls,

Holly and Paige

2010-04-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

The Maturity Index Comeback!

Friday:
-Paige babysits- Age 16
-Holly drinks wine and chats while her boyfriend makes her dinner and then goes to bed early- Age 45

Saturday:
-Paige buys the newspaper and a bagel for Chrissy- Age 32
-Also buys new nail polish "the color of a swimming pool!"- Age 12
-Holly and her boyfriend can’t remember the “artist” that made, “No Sex in he Champagne Room” and need to look it up-Age 24
-Which leads to boyfriend making her watch watch Gallagher videos- Age terrible
-Paige and Chrissy meet Holly at the opening day of the Brooklyn Flea- Age 26
-At Brooklyn Flea They...
-Try on lots of costume jewelry and clip on earrings- Age 10
-Ogle all the delicious-looking food but wont eat any because the line is too long, and foods too expensive- Age 18
-Although Holly makes a stranger show Paige her lobster roll as to justify line length-Age 14
-Instead of buying food, stop at each line-less vendor table and eat handfuls of free samples (vanilla lavender ginger snaps! spicy pickles! horseradish dip!)- Age 65
-Holly purchases a necklace with a secret clock inside, she is happy the clock doesn't work becuase it takes her an embarassingly long time to tell analogue time-Age 8
-Paige purchases a vintage Missoni glitter crop top because "it's very practical"- Age 15
-After the flea market Paige, Holly and Chrissy adjourn to No. 7 restaurant in Fort Greene where they enjoyed a bloody mary and discussed the NY Times article about parents regretting the names they gave their children- Age 35
-They order their second round and then start talking about the names they'd like to name their children (which they will undoubtedly regret). Holly favors retro-torture like Patsy, Betsy, and Dot, where Paige wants mess up her kids by giving her daughters boys names like Charlie and Alexander- Age 14
-Later Paige and Chrissy go for a long bike ride in Prospect Park where they feed the ducks and Paige picks a fight with a small child who she thinks is throwing bred crumbs "too hard" at the swans- Age 9
-Meanwhile Holly goes for a scantily-clad run through the Hasidic neighborhood, and for kicks does stretching in front of young Hasidic men/boys- Age 17
-After their activities the girls all lay on the couch with popcorn and easter-colored DOTS and watch a few episodes of Degrassi (its back!)- Age 12
-A Britney Spears music video showcase come on Fuse which is also showcases trends in video dance sequences and Britney’s weight fluctuation. We are fascinated- Age 13
-The girls take showers, decide they are "kinda over Ke$ha" and listen to "Creep" by TLC on repeat- Age 23

-While in Delaware last weekend Paige procured the "Mini Backpack" Holly has been so desperately coveting for months. Holly wears the backpack and Paige proudly remarks "Its my moms vintage backpack from the '90s"- Age 17
-Paige makes ANOTHER request for Sparx at the local bodega-Age 19
-Paige and Holly use the backpack for what must certainly be its intended purpose, to hold a 40oz PBR and take turns drinking from it while waiting for the A train- Age 20
-Paige, Holly and Chrissy arrive at a friend of a friend of a friends fancy shmancy apartment on Wall Street where the doormen obvioulsy believes us to be "women of the night"- Age 18
-We are sorta used to this- Age 19
-At the apartment they turn down offers of Makers Mark and other pretentious alcohol and continue to drink their PBR 40- Age 20

-Soon they take a cab to a party at an even NICER apartment (though it didn't have a lobby with marble floors) on the Lower East Side where Chrissy takes charge and helps herself to mixing Holly a tumbler of vodka with a splash of Pepsi- Age 23
-Paige and Holly awkwardly dare eachother to request Miley’s “Party in the USA” from pretentious DJ, Holly finally gives in. Pretentious DJ shakes his head and basically scoffs us-age 15
-About 10 minutes later the DJ plays "Party in the USA" and suddenly the lame party picks up and everyone dances and sings because not-so-secretly EVERYONE loves that song, even if they pretend to like it "ironically". Paige and Holly are victorious and feel like party goddesses- Age 24
-Soon, the booze runs out at the party and the girls change locations, they meet up with some friends at Home Sweet Home, Holly invents a "dirty dance" with the mini backpack straps, girls tease her by asking if she's carrying Lunchables or her spelling homework in there- Age 16 (nope! Just LipSmackers and a RingPop!).
-Everyone quickly becomes sad because all the good-looking boys are making out with each-other and there is throw up in the bathroom, decide to call it a night- Age 25

Sunday:
-Chrissy regales Paige and Holly with tales of a "cheap-ish, all you can drink" brunch in the West Village with fish tacos. It takes little convincing to get them to come- Age 23

-The girls head to brunch where Holly makes the most ambitious bloody mary of all time at the DIY bloody bar. Even the waitress is impressed and takes a picture with her iPhone. Holly feels like Bloody Mary Goddess.- Age 27
-During boozy brunch the girls try not to stare at the couple obviously having a break-up convo behind them, and theorize on the finale of Lost- Age 19
-After brunch the girls buy the Sunday New York Times and read it on Pier 46, gagging at how adorable all the wedding announcements are, and are not-so-secretly jealous- Age 25

-Soon the need for fro-yo is too much to handle so they take a pilgrimage to Phileo Yogurt and have a contest over who's will weigh the most, as usual, Holly wins- Age 11
-Later that night, everyone girlpiles on the couch eating Popsicles, watching Wedding Crashers and waiting for roommate Kristy to return from her Mexican vacation. When she does we group hug, compliment her on her tan and start making plans for the week ahead- Age 24

Last weekend we acted, on average, 20.4 years old. This seems a little high considering both Miley and Brit Brit were pretty prevalent. Next weekend Kristy will again be present in our weekend activities, so cats and non-beer but still alcoholic beverages will be as well.

Forever Your Girls,
Paige and Holly

FDP FOOD JOURNAL

2010-04-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

Week of March 28th Through April 3rd

Holly and I don’t claim to be experts in anything besides finding a great bargain and figuring out how to go a few months without doing laundry. And though food is something we love, admittedly, we eat more refined sugar than most people over the age of 6. So, we’d never kid ourselves into thinking we are real-deal “foodies”. But, once again prompted by an article we love on NYMag.com, we decided it might be funny to give a glimpse into our eating (and, okay, drinking) habits for one week. I’m kicking-off this new chapter in FDP by taking you through the week where I experienced Passover AND Ballpark fare with plenty of candy thrown in for good measure.
Bon Appetit!

Sunday:
I woke up early with a sore throat and a headache so I went to the fridge and got a carton or orange juice and 6 Vitamin B-12 pills. I drank the orange juice in bed and watched the entire first season of Party Down, you should too.
After that I got up and had about 8 gourmet malt balls Holly’s mom sent us for Easter, I needed fuel for the gym. After the gym I had a grape popsicle while watching Pretty Wild, don’t watch that. Then I took a shower where I ate a cherry popsicle.
Later, I met Liz in the village for drinks. We love the happy hour at The Dove Parlor, really amazing cocktails for $6, I had a grapefruit margarita with cinnamon-infused tequila.

After that Steven took me to dinner at a tiny restaurant in the West Village where you could sit at the counter and watch the chef make all the food, the chef wasn’t even a little nervous, we had carrot ginger soup, he had chicken enchiladas, and I had scallops with creamed potatoes and cauliflower and braised Brussels sprouts. I drank a Stella. On the way home we shared a Chipwitch from a bodega.

Monday:
At work I had an orange juice and a few cups of green tea. My office has been gifted this huge parcel of amazing green tea that we’ve all been raving about, then we realized it was Kirkland brand (aka CostCo tea) but we all still drink it ravenously.
For lunch I had chicken Udon from the deli downstairs it cost $7.25 but was totally worth it and I saved half of it for a snack for later.
On the way to Passover with Steven's family we had to stop so I can get cough drops and a candy snack. I had gummy bears and Steven had some peanut butter cups.

For Passover we eat a traditional Passover Seder, this is the second time I’ve ever had Seder and it does take some palate-adjusting. We had lots of Matzoth (which is yummy with horseradish), some brisket, a hard boiled egg, bitter herbs, gefilte fish, then, a salad with fennel, and turkey with gravy and fresh fruit for desert. I had four glasses of Kosher wine, too (four glasses are mandatory for the ceremony, for reals!)

Tuesday:
I woke up very hungry because I passed on so much gefilte fish, so on my way to work I grabbed a $1 buttered bialy from the bodega under my office. It was divine, I also had some pineapple orange juice because my throat was still super sore. At my desk I had two CostCo teas with honey.
For lunch I had what I like to call a “fancy salad” from the too-expensive gourmet grocery store in DUMBO, Foragers. On my fancy salad I had beets, feta, corn, chicken, pretentious croutons, couscous and olives. That fancy salad cost like $11 and was by far the most expensive thing I’d buy myself all week.

After work Chrissy, Kristy and I wandered through the rain trying to find this new bar in our neighborhood, to no avail. So we went to our old standby, Soda Bar, I had a frankfurter

for $3.25, they are so good there, and they give you a huge pickle and spicy mustard. I had two Blue Moons as well.
After this we went home and I had three grape popsicles while watching Lost.

Wednesday:
I still had a sore throat so I had three glasses of orange juice with my vitamins. At work I drank tons of CostCo tea with honey at my desk. For lunch I had miso soup for $1.75, my wallet was still really hurting from the previous days fancy salad. Later in the afternoon Sarah and I went to this amazing candy store in DUMBO, Dewy’s and I got $3.89 worth of sugar-free malt balls, I ate so many at my desk that I had to ask Sarah to hide them from me.

After work I met Liz for celebratory (she’d just quit her job) sushi on Mott street. Originally I was really craving yakatori but the place where we were going was closed that night so we wandered into a slightly-sketchy looking Sushi (and Thai?) place and it was actually delicious. The rainbow rolls totally melted on our mouths. But the edamame was way to salty. I had a tall Sapporo. Sushi total was around $20.

After dinner I went to Steven’s café, Ground Support, to hang out with him until he closed. I had two classes of this amazing white wine called Vevi, it tastes the way My Little Ponies smell. I also had a piece of citrus-tinged dark chocolate, my dream desert. I’m not just saying this because he’s my boyfriend, but Ground Suport has the best coffee in New York, I could, and often do, live solely off of his sandwiches and now that he has beer and wine, I see little reason to ever eat or drink anywhere else.

Thursday:
I woke up and had coffee and orange juice with my vitamins. On the way to the subway Steven got a pastry and coffee from up the street and I nibbled some of that.
I had a meeting in midtown so for lunch I met Emily and Holly around Columbus Circle and Holly showed us her favorite mid-town fro-yo spot. I had plain fro-yo with strawberries, rainbow jimies and chocolate chips, it was delicious AND under $4, I was floored.
For the train ride home to Delaware, Steven packed me a snack of my favorite

Ground Support sandwich, "The Veggie" with cauliflower, tomatoes, radicchio, mango pickle aioli, feta cheese and olive oil on a crunchy chewy roll from Tomcat bakery. I usually have this sandwich at least three times a week. I also have one of my first Ground Support Iced Coffees of the spring, so killer.
When I got back to my parents house my mom showed me that she’d stocked-up on all necessary items to make “pretentious” turkey sandwiches that I love, including ripe avocado, manchego cheese and wasabi mayo. I made a half sandwich, then split a bottle of Prosecco with my mom while we watched Real Housewives of New York.

Friday:
For breakfast I took advantage of all the food my parents have in the house that Holly and I usually refer to as “rich people food”, like yogurt, cereal and fresh fruit, things we never buy in Brooklyn because its “not as good of a value” as Turkey Pepperoni or fudgecicles.
For lunch I made a sandwich with all the gear my mom procured for me, I also had an apple with peanut butter on it, and I shared that with our dog, Chessie.
My family, Emily’s family and several other family friends went to Philly for a baseball game. My brother Will, and I sat in our families seats while everyone else went to a birthday

party in a box. Will did an awesome job showing me the ins and outs of eating/drinking in a ball park. First we had to find Budweiser that was at a specific temperature, never over 25 degrees (Doug Tibbetts law). We found Bud Heavy aluminum bottles at 22 degrees, score! Will had a cheese steak and I had a hot dog. Later we had more beer and then we got soft serve with sprinkles (not jimmies!) in Phillies souvenir caps (that would later go on Chessie’s head). Eventually we joined our fam in the box and I had a ton of peanuts.

Saturday:
Shamefully, I slept till 11 so I had a breakfast/lunch combo (different than brunch) that included a bagel of questionable flavor (spicy cheese?) and an apple and some yogurt and tea.
I laid around and read and ate grapes most of the day, drank a lot of water and Emergen-C because I STILL felt sick.
For dinner I made my “famous cold cucumber soup”, which everyone politely ate

and pretended to be really into. My mom made rosemary-roasted potatoes, and a Greek salad and my dad grilled hamburgers, Will and I put mayo on our burgers like a couple of Canuks. I drank Pino Grigio from my parents wine rack, I’m guessing probably cost more than my normal $4 bottle from Trader Joes.
After dinner we met our family friends at a sports bar and thankfully everyone else was hooked on the basketball game and no one noticed how many Bud Lights I drank, I also ate some of Emily’s soft pretzel sticks she ordered.

So over the past week I feel I’ve done a pretty good job of spanning several cultures of food, from Jewish, to Waspy, sketchy-Japanese, to Philly, my appetite knows no bounds. But after assessing all of the things I chose to ravenously force into my body over the past seven days, some things are certain, I love candy, popsicles and mooching. Holly will hit you with her FDP Food Journal soon, be ready for lots of Splenda and something we call "stink beans".

Forever your girl,

Paige

We know, We're Sorry

2010-04-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

Darlings,

We know its been a while, and you've been deprived of the Maturity Index. You may be thinking that Holly and my maturity has dipped below the age of about 6 and we are no longer able to type or use a computer. This is not the case. You know how Gossip Girl goes on a random hiatus between Thanksgiving and Spring Break? Well, consider this our hiatus, and its almost over!

After a few weekends on the road, visiting our families, or just being boring and not doing anything worth writing about, Holly and I will be back next Monday with a new maturity index that will undoubtedly be celebrating spring, our bikes (The Royale and The Crimson Wave), and the fact that were back on a popsicle-exclusive diet.

To prove that we love you forever and have been thinking about you, please enjoy THIS, a live video of Phil Colins' smash hit "Something Happened on the Way to Heaven"

Forever your girl,

Paige

Hump Day Inspiration:

2010-03-31T10:59:00.001-07:00

At least you aren't...

Trying to compete with James Franco

I bet he killed that with his BEAR hands... no?

It's common knowledge that Holly and I share and undying love of James Franco, a love so intense and undying it shines like a thousand suns, a love so unifying we've promised each other (pre-boyfriends) that if, for any reason James Franco ever came into our lives and had trouble choosing between us, that we would whole heartedly enter into a "Big Love"-esque mormon family bond with him.

There's enough to go around.

You see, Franco isn't just your every-day, Hollywood foxy (or fozzy) smoke-dog who strolls onto a movie set, reads a few lines then retreats to his Malibu home and does drugs with Lindsay Lohan. I mean, he may do these things, who knows, but besides that, he's so much more!

James Franco was on "Freaks and Geeks", remember how awesome that show was?!

Oh, too bad the rest of the cast and the creator were never heard from again.

Then he was in all the Spider Man's, and he played a villain, but a totally hot one (I think). Then, and I'm reading his imdb page, here, this isn't memorized, he was in some movie called "You Only Stalk the Ones You Love", which I've never heard of, but will probably try and Netflix.

We took this when we were stalking...

He was in "Pineapple Express" (aka "Smoking High" in Japan... thanks imdb), where he proved he was funny. He played Harvey Milk's boyfriend in "Milk" and we totally saw his butt in that. He played Allen Ginsberg in "Howl". And THEN starred in a season of "General Hospital" which he did as some sort of hyper-meta performance art piece, as he was playing a painter while he was actually preparing for a gallery show opening of his own. Thats right, James Franco paints! Only while he's not hosting SNL, and actually being quite funny.

At the "FRANCO" exhibit

Good luck, every other guy on the planet.

Want to know what else James Franco does? He gets a creative writing MFA from Columbia, while studying film making at NYU. And want to know what happens when James Franco writes a short story? It's printed in Esquire (http://www.esquire.com/fiction/james-franco-fiction-0410) And it doesn't even suck that bad!

As if all this weren't enough today we found out that James Franco is going to get his PhD. at YALE next year, not that that's a big deal or anything.

So today, we'd like to dedicate our Humpday to you, any human who is trying to compete in "hotness combined with awesomeness" with James Franco. You loose. I bet he volunteers at the Ronald McDonald House on the weekends and is totally into puppies and listening to me complain about my job, too.

Dr. Franco, you know where to find us.

Forever your girl,

Paige

WEEKENDNESS!

2010-03-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

...and also what is on my mind

So today is my last day working for my current job, where I have been working for a year and a half. People keep asking me if I'm sad or excited, and if I'll miss them. There has been some office whispering which I hope means someone is bringing in pizzas for lunch or cupcakes or Starbursts or something. I am wondering if I should just leave all my office swag here (pictures of friends and family, a beagle magnet) as a shrine. So today's post could easily be about all of this last day of my first real job, but I really don't care that much. Seriously, I didn't even wear a bra today, I have other things on my mind:

-a lamb craving

yum!

-if George Clooney has dumped his current girlfriend yet

-my new Degree Girl "Just Dance!" deodorant that has a pink glitter cap

-the fact that that Beyonce might be pregnant

-the fact that I am going to a Perpetual Groove concert tonight with my boyfriend and couldn't name a Perpetual Groove song if I had a knife to my throat

A Perpetual Groove show...

-the fact that that all of my friends are going to Anchor Bar where I, admittedly, know the lyrics to every Lady Gaga and T.I. song that will be played there tonight

A Lady Gaga show...

-the fact that I owe Paige 3 Push-Up Pops

-my dream last night that involved the partial nudity of male cast members of "Dancing with the Stars"

My brain power isn't quite powerful enough to compose a concise post about any of these thoughts, so instead Paige and I will give you a little weekend treat.

Paige's ex-roommate from college, Brittany, is coming for a little visit tonight. My fondest Brittany memory (that I'm aware of) is when I brought my mother into the Roxy store in Charleston, where Brittany and Paige worked. Brittany had recently adopted a black chihuahua who was appropriately named Gnarly. As a "prank" (on who, it is unclear) Brittany had glued a black hair extension track to Gnarly's head and after removal some extension glue still remained on the tiny dogs head. Instead of my mother commenting on something about gluing things to dogs' heads, she just suggested putting Goo-Be-Gone on the dogs tangerine-sized head to remove the weave by-product. Brilliant!

So, as this is a Brittany/Gnarly/Doing Weird Things With Dogs themed weekend, please enjoy this clip of de-weaved Gnarly in "robot shoes".

Everybody have great weekend! I am excited to pretend to know words to songs I have never heard before and we are all excited to see Brittany!

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

Hump Day:

2010-03-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

At Least You Aren't an Un-famous Person Seeking a Book Deal

or, maybe you are, in which case, you'll feel our pain.

Well, as all of our faithful readers know, on Wednesdays, the hardest day of the week to survive, we like to bring you a little bit of news to brighten your gloomy, office-occupied Humpday. Normally this news is about someone who has it really rough, someone you can look at be think "I may be at my desk under fluorescent lighting, filing old faxes by date, but at least I have it better than (insert Humpday Victim here)".

Well friends, today we are attempting to enlist some personal sympathy. Sympathy for us and all the other young writers of the world who write until their hands bleed and until their eyes are twitching, those of us who scribble ideas in the night onto post-its only to wake up with notes that say something like short story idea: a girl who is pregnant with two babies from different dads AT THE SAME TIME or similar genius thought fragments.

Same uterus, DIFFERENT DADS

Those of us who have poured our hearts out onto or MacBooks, and sent our idea off to callous agents who we'll never hear from again OR agents who will tell you "I could sell this if you'd been on a reality show" (yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED)*. Because, dear friends, we live in a world where talent and ambition is no longer valued and the only currency is your willingness to debase yourself on national television.

Laugh it up, Conrad.

Case and point, Holly and I were horrified to find out today that coveted book deals have been granted to JWOWW and Ronnie, some of the orangest, shiniest, big-boobiest cast members of MTV's "The Jersey Shore". Oh, the HUMANITY!

Poet Laureate's of the Armpit of America

Okay, did i watch every single episode of "The Jersey Shore"? Yes, but whatever, I told myself it was zeitgeist-y performance art. Do I own a book entitled "Laguna Beach: Life Inside The Bubble"? Yeah, so what! ?I got it for Easter, like, Freshman year of college, big deal.

The Easter Bunny Did It

The POINT is that its not fair! Apparently the two have been commissioned to co-write a book entitled "Never Fall In Love at the Jersey Shore... Lest You Should Need a Perscription to Herpacin for the Rest of Your Days", ok i made that last part up. But apparently this is going to be a "How-To" book with plenty of tips and tricks to unleash your inner sweaty, juicy, drunken "guido".

First of all, I'm shocked learn that JWOWW and Ronnie are even literate, let alone able to sit down long enough, while sober to actually commit "thoughts" to paper. Also I read a statement that JWOWW wrote about the "clothing" line she's "working on" and she wrote that her clothes are very easy to "where", not "wear", where. As in "this shirt barely covers my nipples, where is the rest of the fabric?" Kind of proving my point.

Totally whereable

As for Ronnie, the only "how to" advice I'd ever take from him is "how to beat the shit out of someone who threatens you" but this is only something I should learn because sometimes I have to walk home from the subway late at night. And yes, fine I wouldn't mind reading his advice on how to make Ron Ron Juice, because it kind of looks delish and obviously makes everyone drunk enough that it doesn't really hurt when they get punched in the face.

I don't like to be a "hater", I really don't. But all I've ever wanted to be is a writer, as long as I can remember. So I really wish someone had given me the memo that said: "All you have to do to make all your writerly dreams come true is be born unto Italians, get breast implants and skunk-streak hair extensions, wear sweatpants in public, tan, avoid getting any semblance of a 'real job', dance in a scary fashion and get blackout drunk on MTV.

Instead, I followed the now-defunct memo that read: "Read big, long books whenever you can, fill hundreds of notebooks before you reach middle school, enter every writing contest ever, pay attention to details, go to college, study english, move to New York, and pray someone will like what you write."

A lot of good that's done.

So, on this Humpday, be glad you are not me or Holly, or any other young writer struggling to get their ideas out there in a world where empty, orange heads are at a premium.

She's on OUR side.

*Also, we told Joyce Carrol Oates one time how we were turned down by an agent because we'd never been on a reality show and SHE said "Thats Despicable"... did you hear that Literary world JOYCE CARROL OATES THINKS THIS IS DESPICABLE.

FOREVER Your Girl who will write for you forever,

Paige

2010-03-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Paige and Holly: A Margarita Story

Today, while at work of course, we have been on the search for the perfect after-work margarita. It all started with a 73 degree weather.com promise.
Chrissy came into my room this morning while i was applying CoverGirl eye shadow, that probably dates back to Britney's first hit single, saying she wasn't in the mood for the sports bar thingy she had planned for later tonight.

Tell me how you want it to be...tell me baby cuz I need to know now...oh oh ohhhh = Cover Girl "champagne" sparkly eyeshadow

I don't blame her, as we live in a house that has more appreciation for Degrassi's fake Canadian high schoolers than any sort of real sports team. I told her I was maybe going to Williamsburg to drink $4 Styrofoam margaritas while holding my boyfriends $3 beer while he played Buckhunter but wouldn't mind pregaming for such plans.

Thus starts our first margarita of the Summerish weather 2010.
Whilst spending our workday googling, "Best Cheapest Strongest Pitchers of Margaritas on the Lower East Side of NYC" we somehow found time to reminisce on our Best Cheapest Margarita in Charleston, SC days.

Which made me think of the best story, not even second to the "Kristy kicked through a chain lock in to our Scholes street apt" story, ever. I'm not sure if we have blogged this story yet, although anyone that knows either of us has heard it no less than 5 times from each of us. It goes like this (this story is better if you imagine me telling it to you in a dark closet with a flashlight under my chin):

Paige and I and some friends were having fishbowl margaritas and free chips at La Hacienda (the Best Cheapest Strongest yada yada in Charleston). Paige and I were both girl-crushing on each other pretty hard at that point, smiling and getting tingly when we would accidentally bump hands while going in for the queso at the same time.

Like Paige and I drinking a huge marg, but a little different...

Somewhere in there my ex showed up with his new girlfriend that, thinking back on it now, really resembled an adolescent Jamie Jungers (or is Jamie Jungers currently an adolescent?).

Don't text this woman/girl

Emotions started flying with the Jungers girl and the tingly queso hands and Paige and I ended up in the bathroom alone together...and the rest is sort of hazy except we are pretty sure I told Paige I wanted her to be my sister or similar and anyhow we somehow decided we'd find an apartment together in New York City after graduating.

This bathroom confessional was basically forgotten until 2 days later when Paige, Family Size Chex Mix in non-tingly hands, walked into our Religious Studies 101 (we were college seniors) announcing she had found us a glorified one bedroom in Bushwick where we could live with her High School friend that could speak to cats. Of course I accepted.
So we both liked to think that it all started with a margarita. Well, more like 15 margaritas if you count the triple fishbowls and all.

The one on the left with the maroon is where the story took place. Sorry if this picture makes you nauseous

That said, tonight we drink margaritas again, together, amongst friends. The margaritas, the queso, probably some emotional confessions will all be present. The only difference about tonight's marg consumption will be, similar to each cast of The Real World, that we have stopped being polite, and will therefore be elbowing and possibly mouth-snatching eachother's queso, rather than blushing while going in for the same cheese.

Who wouldn't fight for this?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

Hump Day:

2010-03-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Hump Day

To most, St. Patty's day is having a Lucky Charmed breakfast, wearing a kelly green anything, and getting as drunk as Paige and I do on a Wednesday. Sure, "everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day", but no one really believes that. Paige is a Sullivan and I am a McManus, so one would think we would would be super-into St. Patrick's day, pounding Jameson, dressed in full leprechaun garb while dancing around on swords and wearing curly wigs. But we don't necessarily save this type of celebrating for one day a year.

Paige and I are constantly speaking in funny voices, we dance sporadically everywhere we go, we have friendly-ish knife fights (similar to Sword Dancing?), and we would both wear curly wigs if we could afford them.

But this St. Patrick's Day has, so far, gone largely unrecognized.

I woke up with a headache that I complained about and Paige woke up and went to the gym (the opposite of eating Lucky Charms). We had a decent text message argument on weather or not Atlantic City would be a safe place for me to be on my 25th Birthday (as I spent my 24th being dangerous and harmful to others). So we spent a good majority of St. Pat's looking at pictures of the pool at Harrah's Atlantic City. We also talked on the phone about how annoying all the drunk wannabe-Irish high school kids are that are wandering around Midtown post-St. Patty's day parade. (Some of these kids, are even wearing those huge cat-in-the- hat hats, in green, that were maybe "cool" for 30 seconds after Clueless came out)

Don't get us wrong, we are going to a free booze St. Paty's partay tonight. However, we would go to any "free booze" party, even if it were celebrating Bristol Palin.

St. Patty's Day pimp hats

What we mean, besides Happy St. Patrick's Day, is that us Irish girls celebrate St. Patty's day all year round and encourage other's to do the same. The Irish are known as people with "big personalities", as in the "Irish are big drinkers", the "Irish are always late", and apparently the Irish wear curly wigs and dance with swords.

So this weekend, when everyone else is wearing black and drinking Bud Light and not even thinking about swords, there is a good chance that Paige and myself will be taking shots of Jameson, dancing, and having a faux knife-fight.

Friendly knife-fighting

Again, Happy St. Patrick's Day

Forever Your Irish Girls that Have Eyes that are Smiling,

Holly and Paige

P.S. in looking for Sword Dancing, I figured out that it's Scottish, but is inspired by Irish music. So there.

Dream Jobs

2010-03-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

When we grow up or go to Nevernever Land...

Today I quit my job. As much as I would like to say I quit to pursue writing or to help needy children or even to focus more time on my friends (like they are my children), none of this is at all true. I, instead, found a different job with more hours, more dollars, and one less F train stop in pursuing my career. I had a "test run" last Friday at a luxury magazine to make sure I was fit for the position. I really thought I had screwed up when I had to ask how to turn on the computer, however knew I had the job in the bag when my new potential boss had the pleasure of hearing me explain what a 'bacon porn' calendar is (note: March may be a BLT, while May is interlaced bacon wrapped around pork loin).

The aptly named "Bacon Explosion"

Although for the next two weeks I am still at my "job", I am still technically 'between jobs' and still feel it is only appropriate to daydream about my dream job. Actually, Paige and I do this everyday. It isn't at all weird to get a text that reads, "Ugh, how badly do you just want to be Nicole Richie's nanny?", or "Ugh, how badly do you just want to be Mary Kate's bodyguard?". The answer is always the same: "Ugh, desperately". We will see Eastern Euro man walking two maltipoos, a teacup schnauzer, and a Chihuahua and immediately look at each other knowing the other's jealousy of this dogwalker.

So in the spirit of new jobs and old jobs and dream jobs, here is a list of our favorite kind of job: The Dream Job:

Paige's Top 3:

1.) Tortured Author- Mainly because eccentric, troubled, genius, tortured authors get away with everything, sometimes even murder (I'm lookin at you, Burroughs). If I were a tortured author I could really do whatever the hell I wanted, at any time of day I desired and people would just be all like "That Tibbetts, she's a genius! Thats why she's wearing her underwear on our roof at 6 am on a Tuesday with a bottle of Sambuca and a paint-ball gun, she must be preparing for her next brilliant novel." But due to my unfortunately lovely childhood, my lack of drug addiction and the absence of genius in my writing (see: everything I've ever written) I think the option of Tortured Author is off the table.

It was an "accident"

2.) Narwhal Watcher/ Puppy Care-taker- I really love animals, mainly Narwhals and puppies of any kind. So another job I'd really like is one where I get to live on a Steve Zissou-ish submarine and study Narwhals, but only on this submarine there would be less Bill Murray and more puppies.

Okay, maybe he can stay.

3.) Owner of a restaurant that specializes on pairing adult beverages with candy- Because, duh.

Twizzler Straw

Holly's Top 3:

1. I am never a supporter of torture unless it is upon ants with a magnifying glass when I was seven and bored. So therefore I choose untortured author. The kind that writes at her grandmother's antique desk while wearing a kimono and sipping hot unsweetened tea. On a farm. A farm with goats and chickens. And writes stories that make people cry and call their mom's at the end thanking them for the gift of life so they could read my stuff. Remember, this is a DREAM job.

2. The person that describes unique and exotic cheeses for the little cards places just so on top of these cheeses. You know, a brie that isn't quite brie because it's more nutty like a pecorino but still sweet like a stilton. Dreamcheeseer.Cheesedreams.Dreamycheesy...

3. Professional gymnastics judge. Sure, I would rather watch figure skating, but this would mean logging lots of chilly hours in chilly arenas. And gymnasts walk around in skimpy 'tards so those gymnasiums must be warm. And I like gymnastics and 'tards and probably the concessions sold at those things. So yes that would be awesome.

As of right now it looks like Paige and I will have to keep dreaming of cheese and rooftop panties. But a girl can dream right? And for now, we are both English majors with English major-ish type jobs. Which is on the track to both of our #1 dream jobs. Right? Definitely.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

Inexplicable Obsessions:

2010-03-11T07:04:00.000-08:00

The History of the Crop Top

Starring Rose McGowen in "The Devil of the Flesh", of course.

Note: we understand this is in Portuguese but that just makes it cooler and you get the point

Last weekend Paige and I got a spring teaser, with sunny low 50's weather that allowed us to eat bucket-sized proportions of FroYo while sitting outside. We waltzed around the West Village without hats or gloves or winter coats or breath you could see. All this nice-ish weather makes us long equally for bike rides to Brighton beach, eating frozen everything, and the the nice dreams we have when a large fan is involved.

However there is one warm weather thing that takes the cake: Crop Tops.

We have been buying crop tops since December, sometimes wearing them under our matching J.Crew cardigans or just wearing them around the house to stop us from going for a second helping of Chrissy's famous triple cheese risotto. Soon, we will be wearing our crop tops, complete with pasty midriff's, out and about in public, and we cannot wait.

We feel the root of our obsession is totally obvious if you have seen "The Devil in the Flesh", but that is just us so we feel we need to go further to explain this inexplicable obession. To help our mothers, priests, and local strangers understand more about crop tops, we will so gladly give you the history.

crop tops for work

The crop top was originated off the football jersey, so for men. These men, of course, started wearing them as part of their regular outfits (like how cheerleaders in movies wear their uniforms around school but if that ever happened in a real high school people would think it was Halloween). So the 1990's come and women decide they can wear crop tops too. And then, like pants, crop tops became the norm even as evening wear. The rest is just history. See below.

90's Crop Tops at a red carpet event...

This history lesson is courtesy of Wikipedia, which also gives a crop top tip, and I quote, "An already short cropped top can be bunched upward to expose more mid-section and then tucked below the bust line". Wohoa! We will have to try that one after getting the stomach flu.

Drew likes to wear her crop to show her cool tattoo that is probably of a fairy or similar

metallic crop tops...I definitely had this single, and although the crops are great, all I see are lips

Crops are for kids

This Inexplicable Obsession is basically to show you how cool crops are and to urge you to get a few so our midriffs won't feel so alone this summer. *BONUS* crop means less material which means it's usually cheaper than your average noncropped top. So you can spend more on practical things like this.

This Inexplicable Obsession is also to urge you to go out an watch "Devil in the Flesh" so we can have something else to chat about with our family and friends and strangers we may meet who have read this post.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly

2010-03-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

The Maturity Index:

Oscar Night Massacre that turned out okay

This week we danced, played with puppies, ate fro-yo and dealt with the Kubler-Ross Model for the stages of grief while wearing prom dresses. It was an emotional roller coaster, lets see if we handled it with maturity.

Friday:
-At work, Paige is gifted a bottle of Three Olives Orange Flavored Vodka, from The L Magazine's generous editor, Jonny Diamond- Age 24

-After work we all get ready for a night in Manhattan, we are extremely excited, like tourists (because Friday's too often are spent resting for Saturday festivities)- Age 18

-We take the train because a $15 cab sounds outrageously expensive- Age 22

-On the train we sit across from an obviously crack-fried man sprawled across three seats, we giggle nervously as he sporadically wakes up and shouts obscene comments at no one, soon a woman with a snare drum misguidedly sits across from him, banging the drum and waking him up, they fight, we get scared- Age 14 -

-We finally arrive to pre-game at our friends apartment, that is decorated almost solely with pictures of Robert Patinson- Age 12

-The four of us finish the gifted vodka- Age 19

-We go dance in the creepy caves in the basement of Lit Lounge until 3:45am- Age 21

-We drunk dial our poor, sleeping boyfriends- Age 18

Saturday:
-We had commitments to other people and therefore the only interesting things that happened were Paige discovering our roommate owns a pair of white, bedazzled, mary-jane style Sketchers, and Holly having to convince Brooklyn Bowl security she was with friends friends after she is discovered sleeping on a chair, alone- No age, just that's as cool as Saturday got.

Sunday:
-While waiting to meet up with Kristy in the West Village, we eat bagels and encourage spontaneous dog fights-Age 9

-We go to the puppy store, convince the manager that we are serious about buying a Pomeranian/Maltise (Pomertise? Maltimanian?) so he lets us play with her for about an hour.

Meet Ghost, the lovechild of the dog from The Neverending Story and a cotton ball

-We name her Ghost and let her lick our mouths- Age 10

-We learn the price of the dog is $1,100 after discount and they'll throw in a Vet visit and we all start discussing how we could "make it work"- Age 12

-Paige reminds everyone that we are not going home with a $1,100 no matter how cute the dog is or how hot the British puppy store manager is- Age 24

-We go get fro-yo at Philio Yogurt where we mix all the flavors and put on an amount of topings that would induce a diabetic coma. Holly eats hers then finishes Paige's- Age 13

Half fruity, half chocolatesprinkleredvelvetcupcakebatterpeanutbuttercupbrownie

-We go to French Connection where we admire the $400 dresses, but Holly just buys a sparkle-swan necklace thats on sale for $5-Age 12

We sit at Paige's boyfriends cafe and contemplate what we'll purchase with our upcoming Tax Returns- Age 40

-While passing the store "Evolution" on Spring St. Paige notices a narwhal tusk in the window, decides this is what she'll buy with her tax return- Age 17 (and bizzare)

-Holly is on a desperate mission to buy a white, pleather, mini- backpack she saw online at Topshop- Age 12

Need. Neeeeeeeed

-At TopShop we look on with jealousy as our rich, nanny roommate buys shoes that cost (way) more than our normal $30 shoe budget- Age 15

-Holly can't find mini backpack and spends the rest of the afternoon pouting and is especially depressed as Paige cannot stop making fun of mini backpack obession- Age 6

-We decide to head back to Brooklyn and buy supplies for our "Oscar Party"- Age 45

- At Met we buy culturally-ambitious supplies:

-Holly buys gear to make thai-peanut noodles- Age 43

-Paige buys supplies to make pesto and parmesan crostini's- Age 32

-Kristy buys ingredients for Coco-Crispy Treats- Age 10

I'm sure that's what my parents had in mind when they bought me that laptop

-Holly also buys Cadbury egg candies, she feeds them to Paige and Kristy, noting "I feel like I'm a Momma bird and you are my baby birds and I'm feeding you.... eggs...." we all get a little upset thinking about this - Age 10

-At home we resort to watching the incredibly unattractive cast of The Real World: DC, because nothing else is on- Age 19

-We puttz around the kitchen, making food and wagering on who will win what Oscars- Age 45

- It's almost time! We prepare ourselves to "authentically" enjoy the Oscars by each putting on "ball gowns", Paige wears an old prom dress and Holly wears "H&M Couture" with Uggs and clip on earrings that are the ones the winner of Pretty Pretty Princess gets- Age 8

-We watch the E! red carpet interviews, we make fun of spray tans (Matt Damon), give our enlightened opinions on who's dress is great (Sarah Jessica Parker) and who's dress makes their boobs look crazy (Charlize Theron) and who needs to work on their posture (Miley irus)- Age 24

-At the strike of 8 o'clock... the moment we've been waiting 12 months for! We flip to ABC only to find that ABC has been pulled off the air by CableVision. We can't believe it. We enter the 5 stages of grief:

-Denial, "This cant possibly be happening, we are in PROM DRESSES!"

Anger, "Why are they doing this to us?! What did we ever do to ABC?! I'm going to kill someone".

Bargaining, "If we to go the soccer bar up the street dressed like this, maybe we can convince them to let us watch the Oscars there".

Depression, "I just want to take the rest of these thai noodles and eat them in bed listening to Elliott Smith".

And, acceptance "I mean, we can just watch the highlights on the news tomorrow" and istead turn on a show titled, "Priests"- Age 50

-After we come to grips with what has happened we sit, gowned, in a girlpile and stuff our faces with what should have been our Oscar Party food for a full hour- Age 23

-Only to then recieve a text that ABC and CableVision have struck a last minute deal and we once again get ABC, cry a little bit, what an emotional roller coaster, girlpile and oscar "gowns" are adjusted, everyone gets serious about Oscar watching and is thankful about keeping updo's despite Oscar trauma- Age 30

-Enjoy the witty repartee between hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, cry a little at the John Huges tribute, and get really pumped that "The Hurt Locker" kicked "Avatar"s ass. Remark that everything seems to work out in the end, hug each other and go to bed- Age 24

In the end we were 21.3 years old this past weekend. Life can get pretty hard at times, but really all you can do is sit with your friends, eat some cocoa krispies in a prom dress and hope for the best. Next weekend: a visitor from Paige's past and a good-bye fette.

2010-03-05T12:08:00.000-08:00

Oscar Day Itinerary

It's no secret that Paige and myself love love award shows. What's not to love? They are a great excuse to eat a bunch of junk food while drinking cocktails for hardly any reason at all. They make it seem like watching hours of non-CNN television seem like an event, like we are DOING something. Lets also not forget that after a hungover brunch that hopefully consists of French fries we aren't always very sure of what to do with ourselves. Having an "event" to "attend" gives our Sunday a purpose.
If you haven't heard, this Sunday is the award show of award shows: The Oscars. Our award show party needs to be that of Oscar-caliber and must be well-thought out and planned, just like, oh say, Sandra Bullock needs to plan out her Oscar day.
Here is our Oscar Day itinerary:

6:30am Kristy wakes up everyone in the house via crawling into bed and cuddling
6:42am Kristy realizes this really isn't appreciated yet and goes to her own room
6:45am Kristy is able to fall back asleep
7:25am Holly/Paige are finally able to fall back asleep
8:45am Everyone girlpiles on the couch to recap Saturday night, arguments about coffee brand and strength ensue
9:00am fingers crossed for Degrassi
11:00am Everyone heads to get brunchy food that needs to include French fries for Holly
11:12am Discussion on what sort of Oscar party food we will devour...Avatartes? The Blind Sliders? A Single Flan? James Camerones?

Oscar Ava'tartare'

11:30am Paige eats her fries with mustard
12:00am We decide to go to Bleeker St to take our mind off of the coming night's excitement
12:30 Go to Marc by Marc Jacobs an elbow tourists while looking at handbags we won't be able to afford unless we win an Oscar one day
1:00pm We start second guessing some of our Oscar picks so get a pick-me-up, pay-what-it-weighs-FroYo

1:30pm We all start freaking out we might miss one second of one of Ryan Seacrests awkward red carpet interviews and decide we need to shop for our Oscar Apps
2:15pm Walk around the fabulous Met Supermarket in Clinton Hill shopping for peanut butter, marshmallows, Dumps, candy corn, ingredients for meatballs, etc.

The ever-so-quaint Met Foods in Clinton Hill

2:40pm We all start freaking out we might miss one of Miss Jay's red carpet makeovers to make some poor girl look like Kristen Stewart and hurry our asses home

3:00pm We put on Madonna's "Vogue" and start getting red carpet-ready
3:02pm Dancing in our own respective "gowns" ensues
3:10pm Kristy gives us red carpet Updo's that rival those that will be madeover by Jay Manuel

A silver fox but different.

4:00pm We look at the Oscar Countdown and watch Chris Harrison's "Road to Oscars" video on Oscar.com
4:30pm We look at movie trailers on Paige's computer and usually a couple fights start about this for various reasons
5:30pm Girlfights are resolved and everyone starts making The Oscar Feast
6:00pm We all sit on the couch or the floor with our Oscar feast on our closed laptops and pig out while complaining that Guliana Rancic is too too skinny

We wouldn't call this a "natural" glow...

8:00pm Turn of E! and Guliana and Jay Manuel and Ryan Seacrest and turn on The Oscars (squeal!)
8:10pm We wait until Steve Martin and Alex Baldwin are done speaking to talk about our individual love and attraction for these silver foxes

There is no age for love

9:00pm Assemble The Second Oscar Feast
9:30pm Kristy falls asleep on someones shoulder but still wakes up to smile and nod her opinions about big Oscar Wins

At whatever time the Oscars are done we get into Paige's toaster and fall asleep. Meryl Streep narrates our dreams of gold men and men with silver hair like Jay Manuel and people with orange skin like Guliana.

Forever Your Girl,

Holly