Sunday, November 29, 2009

Long Weekend Maturity Index




Delaware Vs. Nebraska

Everyone once and a while Holly and I have to cut our proverbial cord and head to the lands of our ancestors. Of course we miss each other and constantly send each other BBM's regarding outfit choices and embarrassing things we did drunk, but when we are home we get to spend time with our MOMS. And you know how we feel about that.

But just because Holly and I are separated from each-other and surrounded by family and old friends doesn't necessarily mean we act any more mature. Let's see who acted more "adult" over this Thanksgiving weekend:

DELAWARE (small wonder, home of tax-free shopping):

Wednesday:

-Sleep till 11- age 18
-Pick up Emily and drive to the MALL. oy.- age 12
-Listen to Taylor Swift songs in the car and don't even really hate it- age 14
-Get scolded at dentist office for never flossing and eating entirely too much candy- age 12
-Go out to 12 person "girls dinner" at nice restaurant in Wilmington, a night-before-Thanksgiving tradition- age 30
-Between the 12 of us, kill 10 bottles of wine- age 21
-Go out to Kelly's Logan House, another tradition, and catch up with high school friends and acquaintances- age 22
-Let someone from my little brothers grade buy me a drink, feel old- age 25
-After bar closes walk home to friends house for 20 person sleep over- age 14
-Sleep three-to-a-twin bed with Em and Jess for "3best" spoon session- age 12

Thursday:

-Wake up with vom-worthy hangover. Ugh PLD - age 20
-Get ready for family Thanksgiving, my most favorite day of the Year!- Ageless
-Wear respectable black dress because my grandfather has complained about my too-saucy outfits in the past and I've been made to put on sweatshirts from the attic- Age 25
-Chit-chat with family friends while going easy on the sauce- Age 30
-Favorite cousin and his girlfriend arrive and we open our first of too-many Prosecco Bottles- Age 23
-Mom, aunt Kathy and I find decorative, giant martini glass and take silly, boozy pics- Age 16



















-Teach my aunt how to use BlackBerry BBM- Age 24
-Make joke about BMs- age 12
-Make the gravy (the one thing my family ever asks me to do for them)- Age 26
-Make everyone tell me how great the gravy is- Age 15
-Watch Home Alone with my brother- Age 10

Friday:

-Wake up around 10- age 23
-"Catch Up" on my TV by watching
3 hours of Bored to Death- age 22
2 hours of Curb Your Enthusiasm- age 30
1.5 hours of Degrassi- age 12
-Family movie! All 4 Tibb's go see "The Blind Side" together- age 12
-Someone previously seated in our row dribbled disguising nacho cheese on one of the chairs. Dad has to explain this to each person who inquires about scooting past us to sit in the seats. Dad quickly looses patience with re-telling the cheese-seat story and this makes me extremely uncomfortable- age 14
-After movie pick up Em and Jess and go to West Chester for some champagne on hor dourves at Meg's house- age 30
-Bring Em, Jess and Meg to Lee's house for some Keystone Light and Titos vodka mixed with "Tampico" bodega juice- Age 19
-Everyone walks into town together to meet with other friends at bars- age 23
-Everyone takes pictures wearing my fake fur- age 15
-Bars close and we head back to Lee's house where the following things happen:
-Someone orders 3 pizzas- age 17
-Emily and Lee take out Lee's pet snakes and cary them around the house scaring everyone- age 16
-Make fun of our friend for having pet cats- age 13
-Wrestling matches- age 14

-Lee and Emily don "Where the Wild Things Are"-esque onesies- age 9
-I tell Emily she looks like a member of Heavens Gate (see picture below)- age 25 (for stellar 90s reference)
-Emily learns how to hold a snake and text at the same time, a useful skill- age 19
-Dan terrorizes everyone with his Cookie Monster impressions till 6 am- age 11
-Dan is locked out of all bedrooms and attempts to use a power-drill to remove doors from their hinges- age 30
-Everyone finally passes out, 4 to a bed at 6:30 am- age 18
-Vow to make this our new Thanksgiving tradition- Age 23

Saturday:

-Wake up at 8 (thats right, hour and a half of sleep)- age 35
-Help clean up the house- age 30
-Go to Diner for a breakfast of omelets, milkshakes, and apple juice- age 8
-Drive home listening to Taylor Swift CD I jacked from my mom's car, start admitting to myself that maybe I like it- age 16
-Prank call Dan at car dealership job and ask for a quote on a Mercury Gallant (which he tells us does not, in fact, exist)- age 13
-Treat myself to another day of On Demand TV and a nice long, college student nap.- age 18
-Fancy family dinner with family friends- age 30
-Fall asleep at 9pm on the couch watching Funny People (not that funny)- age 45

Sunday:

-Wake up earlyish and make breakfast for my bro and I- age 27
-Walk the dog and get really freaked out when she successfully stalked a squirrel and bit it on the tail- age 14
-Go get prom-ish manicures with Meg- age 16
-Visit my mom at work and try on jewelry and drop not-so subtle hints for Christmas presents- age 17
-Go home, drink wine and read Vanity Fair- Age 40
-Have family diner, laugh about my dad and the cheese-seat, and get on the train back to NYC- age 23


When all was said and done my weekend ended clocking-in at 17.8 years old, which makes sense because by day I was napping and by night I was trying to recreate After Prom. This Thanksgiving I was especially thankful for all the hilarious, weird and wonderful people in my life, but most of all for Emily wearing a onesie. Now, lets see how Hols matches up..

Holly
My mother is from Omaha, NE, (fact: Omaha has more restaurants per capita than any other city in the U.S.) and I jetsetted out there for the Thanksgiving holiday. Let's see how it went:

Thursday

-Got up uber early (5:15 am) to catch 8:51 am flight- Age 32
-Feel really glad I arrived early because Air Tran flight was not at 8:51 but actually was at 8:15- age 18
-Made it to family Thanksgiving on time, with a mixed tape for the weekend- Age 23
-Drank 6+ glasses or Prosecco, merlot, pinot grigio during the first 2 hours- Age 19
-Went to extremely odd sports bar that featured a waterfall, the soundtrack to "Night at the Roxbury" and club-like loungy booths where I kept asking Nebraskans where the bottle service was- Age 20
-Managed to not make fun of sister's ex (to his face) for White Russians all night - Age 24

Friday

-Woke up early for Black Friday shopping- Age 38
-Ended up having my mom buy me things while I should have been shopping for others- Age 9
-Went shopping again later with sisters and cousin whilst bumping Flight of the Conchords the whole way there teaching adolescent girls to sign along to provocative lyrics- Age 16

video
-Scoffed at Omaha store employee who said, "I think you should wear something under that maybe" when I tried on a ruffled sequined crop top that had bra-like fixtures-Age 15
-Pre-gamed with 87-yr old Grandfather drinking something extremely suspicious (clear, unmarked bottle, smelled like peppermint, was kept in a secret area) where the only certainty was that this "beverage" is definitely 200 proof. -Age 21

-Went to collegesque house pregame party and passed around a bottle of sky while saying "don't worry kids I don't have H1N1". No one laughed -Age 32
-Made fun of mom-jeans wearers at the bar- Age 12
-Passed out the after-party where Marena had to make sure I was still alive- Age 21



Saturday

-Immediately called Mom to have her pick up Marena and I- Age 18
- Went to a biker bar called the Ponderosa in Elk City, NE- Age 42



-Couldnt figure out how to work the jukebox so let my mom help me. She chose to play Clapton's Cocaine and Micheal Buble's Sway- Age 12





-Attend "fancy" steak dinner in the same party dress I wore Friday while partying, sleeping at a frat house and hanging out a bar with no windows.- Age 17
-Started late-night arm wrestling competition among cousins- Age 15
-I beat my younger sister, who usually beats me at everything including tennis and Super Mario Cart- Age 19
-Cousin who is just old enough to have her license beat me- Age 15
-Passed out watching Elf- Age 9

Sunday

Nothing that cool happened on Sunday except for that fact that I did okay with handling chopsticks during sushi dins- Age 23


This brings Holly's total to an age of 18.7, I'm really proud of her, when we are apart she really steps up the maturity and acts like a barely-legal adult.

So that settles it Thanksgiving in Wilmington, DE is ever-so-slightly less mature than Thanksgiving in Omaha, NB. Thanks, everyone for sticking through this extremely long post. We look forward to next weekend when we have our second-ever theme party. And considering its 90s themed and we were all under the age of 13 in the 90's, I'd venture a guess that we will be kids.

Forever your Girl,
Paige and (sorta) Hollyn

Monday, November 23, 2009

Maturity Index: Giving Thanks

THIS WEEKEND: We went to the THEATRE, people! But we also wore costumes to a fake Thanksgiving dinner.

Friday:

-We meet after a long workweek and decide to get dinner- age 35

-Quickly realize that we are basically impoverished so we decide to have "something light" and be frugal- age 20

-Purchase dinner at CVS, “dinner” consists of: Cheddar Chex Mix, Cow Tails,Charleston Chews, and Cherry Pepsi- age 10

-We eat "dinner" quickly because we have tickets to the Theatre! Yay, culture!- Age 40

-The show we are going to see is called "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"- Age 23

-As we wait for our roommates to meet us outside the theatre we have kind-of heated political debate about gay marriage- Age 25

-We lighten the mood by applying bright red lipstick to each other- Age 14

-This gives way to a lipstick fight on 7th Ave.- Age 8

-Our other two roommates meet us and we, in our flannel and Frye boots, remark at how hot they look in short skirts and heels.- Age 23

-In the theatre we rejoice to find that our seats are together. Literally rejoice and high-five- Age 12

-We laugh our asses off at the campy humor of "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"-Age 20

-All the while sneaking candy back and forth to each other trying to not be too loud with the crunchy wrappers- Age 7

-At intermission use the playbill and our BlackBerrys to Facebook-stalk some of the hot actors from the play, just to make sure that inviting them to the bar afterwards would be fruitless- Age 18

-Look around and wonder if it's socially acceptable or appreciated to wink at male members in the audience of "The Gayest Christmas Pageant Ever"- Age 25

-After the play we head over to a bar teaming with dudes still in their suits from work, suit dudes keep asking us if we are there for the "bank" party. No.- Age 19

-Realize we are entirely too sober for the scene and double fist Stella's.-Age 23

-Find it useless talking to decent-looking banker guy (with a bank party invite) who apparently has a French Chateau or something and instead talk to men wearing funny hats (funny not sexy)-Age 15

-Devise the best pick up lines to help our single girlfriends talk to suit dudes, come up with "Didn't we go to prom together? Lets make out."- Age 20

-It kind of works...-Age 18

-Call it an "early" night at 2am- Age 23

Saturday:

-We each do our "own thing" Saturday afternoon.

-Paige gets coffee and lunch at her boyfriends cafe and shops with Jess.- Age 25

-Holly goes to Peter Pan Bakery orders a strawberry sprinkled donut: Age 5

-Meet at home around 5pm and chit chat about our day and recap the night before- Age 24

-Turn on Lifetime- Age 33

-Get REALLY sucked into "Odd Girl Out" the story of "Nessa", a pre- teen who falls victim to "mean girls" at her school and is even driven to swallow a handful of pills, this story of middle school mean girls reminds us of those dark, dark days- Age 19

-But OMG the "Queen Bee" is totally played by Margaret Sterling from Mad Men! No age points, just another example of Lifetime being a star factory.

-The next Lifetime movie sucks so we watch Degrassi for an embarrassing amount of time. - Age 12

-Realize we are each going to be late for our fancy, adulty occasions- Age 30

-Paige finally scored impossible reservations of the Momofuku Ko

-Holly has a dinner party birthday where birthday girl's blinged-out mother will be in attendance.

-Drink wine as we get dressed- Age 25

-Its a $9 bottle- Age 22

-We finish it- Age 19

-We separately have a decidedly low-key Saturday night mostly devoted to food and adult-ish behavior.- Age 30

Sunday:

-Wake at leisurely, at late morning hours- Age 20

-Meet with roommates at Paige's boyfriends Cafe for coffee and lunch- Age 25

-Decide to go shopping- Age 23

-At Forever 21- Age 14

-Get tired, whiney and annoyed with the crowds on Broadway and decide to go home- Age 8

-Need to get snacks at Duane Reade first- Age 7

-Snacks: Doritos, Raisinettes, Soy Chips, Chex Mix, Candy Canes.- Age 6

-Take train back to Brooklyn while chatting about the Brooklyn Thanksgiving Dinner we are about to prepare- Age 30

-Wander our extremely disorganized Met grocery store searching for the "powder that makes mashed potatoes"- Age 20

-Go home to "rest" before cooking for our little family.- Age 50

-Holly goes to purchase wine ($9 for a “magnum” bottle) for our family dinner- Age 23

-Paige chips in for wine using quarters, a dime, and two $1 coins- Age 8

-Cheer and high five when we realize that "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger" (starring Tori Spelling)is on Lifetime- Age 34

-We all realize it's time to start preparing our assigned dishes:

-Holly makes crescent rolls with pesto: Age 20

-Kristy makes a delicious apple pie: Age 40

-Chrissy makes her sisters incredible green beans with balsamic reduction and goat cheese: Age 35

-Paige pours milk and water and potato powder into a bowl and makes "mashed potatoes": Age 14

-Holly's boyfriend brings over a rotisserie chicken (turkey), stuffing, mac n' cheese and cranberry sauce from Pete's in Williamsburg: Age 27

-We all get into costume! (Pilgrims and Indians): Age 7

-We Give Thanks!

-For each other (awww): Age 30

-For our food, home, jobs and families: Age 35

-For the 5 bottles of wine we have: Age 20

-For candy: Age 7

-We drink after each other these so giving thanks turns into some sort of appreciation-themed drinking game- Age 19

-We rave about all the food (even the "potatoes") and can't stop congratulating each other on pulling off our first Thanksgiving!- Age 24

-Holly's Boyfriend offers Thanksgiving fact that has something to do with John Adams or someone and we all get quiet- Age 12

-We clean the kitchen before desert: Age 35

-We realize we've had 5 bottles (2 of these are “magnums”) of wine before desert: Age 22

-We smother our delicious pie in a mound of aerosol Reddi Whip: Age 9

-We have an after-dinner game of Dominoes: Either Age 70 or Age 7 so...wash.

-We fight about iPod (Paige: Late 90’s Modest Mouse, Holly: Beyonce's “Single Ladies”) Age 14

-We get heavy eyelids, chalk it up to tryptophan and watch The Departed on FX: Age 43

-We lay in roommate pile on couch: Age 12

-We are extremely proud of each other, and ourselves we give each other big hugs and get ready for bed: Age 24

-Paige and Kristy butt-punch each other for good measure: Age 8

So after what they call “simple math” we’ve done our tally and found ourselves to have acted the average age of 21! Pretty nice! Only 3 years shy of our actual age, and when you take into account the candy consumption and butt-punching, we are actually pretty proud of ourselves.

We wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving and remember not to hate on fake mashed potatoes.

Forever your girls,

Paige & Holly

Friday, November 20, 2009

P.L.D.

So it's Friday, there was no "Hump Day" post this week, and no other mid-week inspiration appeared on our precious blog. Nothing we thought of seemed super awesome, so I needed to find something more inspiring than CNN.com and the "New Moon" frenzy, so I called my kid sister, Marena.


Here are a few things you should know about Marena: she is in nursing school in Lincoln, NE, she has the world's greatest head of hair, and at family get-togethers such as Christenings, Easter brunches, weddings, and funerals, she can be found with with a beer in hand. Growing up my mother would say that if we fell on hard times, we could put Marena on a soap box with a hat in front of her, have her tell jokes, and we would all thrive from my humorous prodigy sibling. So not only could Marena run faster, jump higher, and was noticeably kinder to animals, she was also funnier. But it's not like I'm bitter or anything.

Marena is the genius behind the idea of wearing out a fanny pack to bars to better-facilitate double-fisting. This is no joke. Marena has been tagged in many Facebook pictures wearing her red Nebraska hoodies, aviators, a fannypack, and 2 beers, whilst posing in a campy-like manner.
So today I called Marena in hopes of some Natty-Ice fueled genius:
Marena answers the phone. Sorta. It's more like, "Ugghhhloo".
"Oh, sorry Rena, you sleeping?"
"What do you want?"
"No, nothing, I will call you back."
"Holly, come watch Erin Brokovitch with me under two blankets and a Snuggie and bring Jason Schwartzman." (note: to Marena's defense, last night she was drunk texting some guy and then FB stalked him later to see the gut-wrenching away status, "I got into Med school!").
"So..."
"Holls. I made a PLD last night."
"A what? You made a potty? How so? Out of paper mache perhaps?"
"No. A PLD."
"I don't get it."
"A Poor Life Decision. A PLD. I got drunk and ate a taco two blocks away from where I was drinking."
"Alone? Just one taco? Are you sure it was two blocks?"
"No I wasn't alone I was with my friends, you dumbass."

This made me think. Yes, THIS CONVERSATION stimulated thinking.

The world has been graced with, thanks to textin' tweens and Blair Waldorf, the oft used acronyms OMG, and the more scandalous, OMFG. There if FML, and my favorite to say to Paige, FYL (Y is for "your", obvi). But PLD is catchy, non-offensive shorthand and Nebraska should be proud to have it.

In thinking about this new acronym I can't help but reminisce all of the PLD's I have made, oh and I'm sure Paige has a PLD or two or two thousand as well (both of our most recent birthday, er, celebrations come to mind).

Paige was so kind as to pick out a few pictures that demonstrate some of our greatest PLD moments. In our defense, most of these were taken when we were barely legal, and therefore please try and forgive legwarmers, ponchos, lapsitting on strange boys/men, etc.

Paige wore a poncho to her high school grad party. PLD.
This is a particularly PLD because there was a lot of "life" involved. As in, this man was old. And in a fedora. PLD
This is almost okay because I happen to be wearing a taupe-colored loose-fitting sweater. Still, swinging on poles, usually a PLD.
I would like to say that I wore this because I was on the way to an 80's party. But it's probably not. And my and Anna's room is a mess. PLD
Sitting on the intersection of 4th St. and 6th Ave. after leaving your fake ID at the bar. PLD.
Lets see, flared jeans and gold kitten heels are usually a PLD on their own, but when you start swinging upside down on the handrails of a moving vehicle, you are really taking it to another level.

Let's not forget that PLD's could happen to anyone. Look at Bill Clinton, or the previous President of the Selena Fan Club. Politicians, house wives, bankers and priests, everyone is entitled to their fair share of PLD's.

Who knows, maybe I will get "overserved" at the adult-like birthday party I'm set to attend tomorrow and fall asleep in a strange room and wake up confused. Or maybe paige Paige will wrestle at a bar again or throw up in a potted plant. Whatever may happen, we are about as far from perfect decision-making skills as we are close in this picture, which is very:


Marena, thanks for your inspiring words this morning (even though I had to hang up on you because as soon as you mentioned magical drinking boots that had anchor-shaped button I knew it was time to say goodbye).

Have a great weekend friends and our Moms!

Forever Your Girl,
Holly


Monday, November 16, 2009






Maturity Index: Weekend Recap

A bird's eye view of last weekend would show decently-behaved, non-violent, well-mannered young ladies. However, as is accessorizing or making really good spaghetti sauce, its the details that count.

Will Paige finally doing laundry make up for the fact that I tripped on the way to the gym while ogling an adorable shitsu? Will my responsible Saturday night at home make up for the fact that Georgia Rule (starring Lindsay Lohan and Jane Fonda) went over my head?
It was a weekend of sports, pubs, and all the Lifetime one can handle, which in our case, is an embarrassingly large amount.
This is last weekend's Maturity Index:

Friday:
-Lost my wallet and starting crying until my mother said she would give me some $ -Age 12
-knew I was slightly taking advantage of my wonderful mother after she admitted to downing 2 bloody's- Age 15
Went out on the Upper East Side with the girls, umbrellas in hand- Age 32
-to a pub that was basically playing "Nelly's Greatest Hits"- Age 15
-Paige and I made up an extremely impromptu dance that was cute yet provocative- Age 17
-We did it over and over again to Country Grammar- Age 16
-it only took about 1/2 a beer to start making fun of everyone's "creative" facial hairstyles and coordinating Affliction t-shirts- Age 20
-We left and found nicest cabbie in the history of New York, who allowed 6 kids into cab and brought to West Village- Age 19
-Walked around sorta lost in rain until Paige got us to the pub, Fiddlesticks - Age 27
-Paige called it Fiddledicks -Age 13
-This bar felt like our freshman year of college at CofC- Age 19
-Because of high levels of fratasticness, low levels of buying our own drinks and the fact that the most stimulating conversation we had all night was with a John Mayer look-alike, regarding how much he looked like John Mayer (we really wish we had a picture of this dead ringer for so many different reasons)- Age 19

Saturday:
-Was forced to brunch in and walk around hipster park in leopard coat, moccasins, and necklace that resembles the one in Titanic- Age 20
-Paige finally did her laundry! Yippie! - Age 30
-Let's not get too excited, she had to do 4 loads because she went about 4 months of watching Degrassi and shopping my underwear drawer to avoid this domestic deed- Age 15
-We watched The Beach, starring Leonardo DiCaprio- Age 22
-We were all literally blushing at the scenes when Leonardo (at the ripe age of 16) is topless- Age 12
-Halfway through this movie we went to get "lunch" which included "healthy" chips, chocolate-covered pretzels, and a Hershey bar- Age 20
-After the exhausting task of watching The Beach, Paige and I kept in "theme" and watched Beaches- Age 56
-While Kristy and Chrissy watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop in Kristys room- Age 13
-I made some truly nasty remarks about Bette Midler's aesthetics mostly just to talk over Kristy and Chrissy's crazy laughter at Mr. Blart- Age 18
-Chrissy and I stayed in, watching Lifetime, watching commercials for anti-wrinkle anything, drinking wine, and hoping we would stay up late enough to watch SNL- Age 52
-Paige went to sophisticated birthday dins- Age 45
-Kristy babysat- Age 14
-We all (sans Kristy but plus two males) died laughing at January Jones pretending to ahem, pass gass, on SNL- Age 9 (although we kept saying how much Paige's mom would like that one and she is just over 40).

Sunday:
-Wake up and do gym-like things- Age 29
-We all head out to a sporting event! How jock-ish of us!- Age 33
-We boozed pretty hard before hand- Age 21
-We bought candy/snacks for train before boozing -Age 9
-Kristy and Chrissy needed ice cream during the soccer game- Age 5
-Paige took photos as as we saw the ice cream truck change locations and watched the girls quickly hurry to new location to ensure ice cream purchase- Age 8





-Paige had to, not unlike Halloween, take a little nap during the game- Age 2
-Had pretty sophisticated brewski's after the game at rooftop bar with the team and other fans-Age 28
-Kristy and Paige were basically wrestling in front of everyone at one point- Age 15
-Because of a BUTT-PUNCHING fight that Paige def started- Age 7
-Paige and I layed on the floor of the bar playing with a beautiful shitsu while sort of singing to it -Age 6
-This inspired us to teach my crush's bestie our cute/provocative dance we came up with Saturday night- Age 12
-The night ended with Paige and I walking hand-in-hand down Washington Ave declaring our love for one another, our deep understanding of each other's souls, and then spooned on the couch with the rest of the girls...fade scene - I feel like this could be any age so no years, just a lovely ending to a youthful weekend.


Despite floor pet-petting and John Mayer gossiping we still proved to be legal adults: Age 19.2.

Forever Your Girl,
Hollyn




Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Hump Day: Soccer Brutality at It's Best

We, Paige, Holly, and anyone else that lives in or enters our home do not watch sports. Should ESPN flicker into view we switch to anything else as quickly as one would while getting caught watching a dirty L Word episode and our dad walked in. That's the only rule: NO SPORTS. Deadliest Catch, Man vs. Food, infomercials, Wife Swap, Rich Bride Poor Bride are all okay, except Paige has issues with my not-so-secret love for Mythbusters.

So while watching the Kardashian wedding, talking about Gossip Girl threesomes, and mingling in Perez Hilton's website, we came across a clip from a New Mexico women's soccer game and an extreme exception was made.

This clip made us cringe, cover our eyes, and, admittedly, laugh. At first, one feels bad for all of the victims in this game. But after a while it doesn't seem that far off from the Bad Girl's Club or my favorite Mean Girls scene. We can't help but feel bad for this Elizabeth Lambert (can you imagine someone calling this girl 'Bethie'?) She will never be able to tell her kids to be "team players" or punish them for being "bad sports". Her mother is probably banging a frying pan against her head watching the footage. She is being called the most violent soccer player in history, and for a little hair-pulling? I looked up her profile on New Mexico's athletics page and found out this:

PERSONAL
Born Elizabeth Ann Lambert on December 29, 1988 ... enjoys camping and surfing in her spare time ... favorite food is tacos ... is majoring in University Studies with a focus on Occupational Therapy.


I mean, she doesn't seem like anyone we would be BEST friends with, and we would have to watch out for wearing any sort of precocious ponytails. But we could definitely see ourselves enjoying tacos together, hearing about crazy nights she's had in Tijuana, drinking Corona's with lime, watching her put a girl in the ER after a bar fight...
So today's Hump Day goes out to all of you who are feeling bad about being...err...too violent? Or for any of our friends that are being punished for hair-pulling? Feel better about your lives, violent actions, and punching people in the back. At least you aren't Elizabeth Lambert. But if you were, then you would be the biggest bad ass that has ever graced the website of Perez Hilton, Lil Kim and Left Eye included.

Forever Your Girl,
Holly

P.S. An Honorable Hump Day Mention goes out to Paige S. Tibbetts, for having to listen to country music all day. Paige, I had to listen to country music every time I was in Kristy's car, at every high school dance/function/study hall, and I'm pretty sure Lone Star was playing while I had my first kiss...so this is isn't even that honorable. Boom.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Weekend Maturity Index: "I'll Show You a Grown-Up"



After last weekend's debauched, face-painted and costumed behavior we made a concerted effort to take it easy and keep it classy this weekend. A girl can only drink so much Jumbie Rum out of a curly straw while wearing sparkle bows in her hair before she starts to question what the hell she's doing with her life. So, this weekend we only had red wine, and beer oh and Georgi Vodka mixed with Vitamin Water, so like I was saying... classy. Enough of that, onto our patent-pending Maturity Index where we see just how "old" we acted this past weekend.


-We all meet right after work at a demure "pub" to have some 1/2 off cocktails and talk about our days- Age 27
-Decide pub isn't quite rockin' enough and head over to The Dove (see "Happiest Hour" and "Chrissy's Birthday" posts) in hopes of stronger drinks and younger men- Age 21
-Decide The Dove is devoid of hot dudes (minus bus boy who has his arm around a Fashion Toast lookalike, of course) and head to the sausage factory Brother JImmys- Age 18
-Chrissy orders us 3 PBR's- Age 19
-PBR's are jumbo-sized- Age 16
-Chrissy bargains with the bartender for the price of these beers- Age 20
-Requested giant neon straws for jumbo drinks- Age 9
-Asked bartender which was more potent, 3 shots of tequila or one giant skechy fishbowl drink-Age 18
-Bartender said shots, we ordered both and a shot for bartender- Age 20
-Fishbowl came with large lizard inside- Age 9
-Which Kristy immediately STOLE-Age 7
-Stared down group of hotties daring one another to approach- Age 15
-One particular "boyish" hottie, gives Holly his number and asks, "so how does this work?"- Age 15
-"Boyish" hottie has real job and doesn't watch South Park- Age 25
-"Boyish" hotties text Holly all night and calls the next day thus, digging his own grave- Age 19

SATURDAY
-Roommates all do seperate, but equally "mature" activities, I go on a Chelsea Gallery walk with Swoop, Holly enjoys breakfast and a used bookstore, and Chrissy and Kristy go to Target.- Age 28

-Reconvene on couch to watch Lifetime movie, DEVIL IN THE FLESH where Rose McGowan kills:

her mom, her teacher, her best friend, her grandmother, her grandmothers dog, the football hero from school, her other teacher, her teachers girlfriend, a detective, a police officer and a social worker. All decide the movie is awesome and we should get some Lee jeanshorts and furry crop-tops.- Age 18
-Baddest-ass (kewl!) killing was done with a steaming-hot tea kettle (no points, just a fun FYI)
-Order Thai for dinner- Age 23
-Discuss options of what to do that night and democratically decide on Brooklyn Bowl, just the right amount of dancing, dudes, and beer, plus its easy to get to.-24
-Ask each other for advice on outfits- 15
-These outfits include; flowered headband, red plastic Michael- Jackson-in-Thriller-esque jacket, leopard print coat with studded bag and floral scarf- Age 12
-Decide outfits are not complete until each of us has put on a unicorn (YES!) sparkle temporary tattoo.-Age 8
-Pour vodka into vitamin water bottles for "road sodas" for the

train- Age 19

-Drink hipster-approved Sixpoints beers at the bar at Brooklyn Bowl.- Age 25
-Dance around in a girls-only grind-line trying to seem oblivious to a group of boys asking us to bowl with them- Age 16
-Head to the decidedly lower-key Berry Park and have one delish but uber pricey beer before calling it a night - Age 35

SUNDAY:
-Wake up around 9, make coffee and go to the gym- Age 30
-Come home from gym and all "ooh and aah" at Johnny Castle's moves in "Dirty Dancing" on ABC Family- Age 14
-Decide to spend the day at the Brooklyn Museum- Age 50
-Specifically for the kick ass "Who Shot Rock n' Roll" exhibit- Age 25
-More specifically for pictures of Tina Turner and Prince- Age 20
-During the 5 block walk to the museum must stop for ice cream novelty- Age 11
-Spend hours at the museum taking in the moving art- Age 40
-Giggle nervously at any art containing phallic symbols- Age 10
-Negotiate over who will finish the final two pieces of Double Bubble at the bottom of Holly's purse- Age 7
-After the museum stop at Mediterranean restaurant for a "snack" aka plate of fries- Age 16
-Come home clean apartment, make dinner, cry at Mad Men Finale- Age 40

Ugh, I really thought we'd come out of this weekend on the side of being a bit more adult, alas we had the weekend of a 20.3 year old, not even old enough to drink those jumbo drinks or classy beers. It probably has something to do with the stolen lizard toy and necessary ice cream novelty. Oh well maybe next weekend we'll at least act our age.

Forever your Girl,

Paige

mindreading....